Values Voters: Hating Sin, Loving Sinners Only Applies to Their Own Group

When will politicians learn that running on personal values is a non-starter, particularly since most voters don’t care? But more importantly, how is it that the most sanctimonious pricks are usually the ones who turn up in compromising positions with those they hate on?

I don’t care what a person does behind doors. Really, I don’t. Plushies, fisting, or sex with park benches, it’s all good with me. By the same token, if you don’t like something, I’m OK with that too as long as you don’t try to force others to embrace your kookie, holier than the holiest of holies blather. But when a lout like Carl Palidino screams about the evils of the “homosexual life style” and is then caught emailing “awesome lesbian porn” (BTW Carl, lesbians are homosexuals) it’s rank, “large H” hypocrisy.

However, I expect a some “little H” hypocrisy, even though it too is wrong. There are a variety of reasons for candidates to change positions – from legitimate conversions of opinion to taking a slightly different spin on an issue to placate a particularly important constituency. But, there is something different about ignoring what you preach, particularly when you scream it at the top of your sinning-assed lungs.

And, here’s the difference.

When a candidate changes position on, for example, whether the Department of Education should be abolished, most voters – if they notice at all – forget about it within days. Most wouldn’t vote based on that single issue anyway.

But when a sanctimonious ass cake preaches the evils of homosexuality and is then found in bed with hookers or shipping porn spam around like a Nigerian Viagra dealer, values voters never seem angry about the breach of faith. In fact, they often scapegoat others, from the media to some innocent party, to protect the “sinner”. Values voters are much more likely to care less that a soldier who was never asked and never told was discharged than the sin of the anti-gay, red-handed jackwad pulling his pud over lesbian porn.

And values voters do often vote purely on values issues. They seem to have an attitude of hating the sin but loving the sinner only when the sinner is one of their own – even if the sinner has compounded their original sin with the sin of lying about it – repeatedly.

It’s also different in another important way.

If someone is elected and succeeds in abolishing, say, the Department of Education, the Republic may suffer from a stupid decision, but it’s unlikely to perish. However, if values voters continue to ignore and defend the transparent imbeciles like Palidino and nibble away at constitutional protections because someone is gay or Muslim or black or just different in some way, the Republic will perish.

If you think the worst thing that can happen is the repeal of DADT or gay marriage, you ain’t seen nothing like a country turned into group-belief theocracy.

Especially if you’re not a member of the theocratic elite.

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You Know You Might Be a Moderate If…

Moderate Voter

THE AMERICAN POLITICAL PROCESS - What the hell, it's as good a reason as any. It's not like it means anything.

This is the last installment in our You Know You Might Be a (Fill in the Blank) If series. If you missed Parts 1 and 2, don’t forget to read:

You know you might be a moderate if you:

  • Are part of the undecided vote in every poll.
  • Wish you could vote by remote control so you wouldn’t have to miss a minute of Real Housewives of Cincinnati.
  • Only vote every third election, regardless of what kind of election it is or what kinds of initiatives are on the ballot.
  • Know so little about candidates that you vote for whoever appears at the top of the ballot.
  • Still vote for Pat Paulson just to piss off the real politicians.
  • You think the three branches of government are dumb, dumber, and dumbest.
  • You think Supreme Court decisions are based on rationality or fairness rather than the Constitution.
  • You think Congress sucks, but every time you see something screwed up you say, “There oughta be a law…”
  • You think that voters can vote on the constitutionality of laws.
  • Vote the way the last campaign worker outside the polls told you to.
  • Will only cast your vote if it doesn’t “cancel out” your spouse’s.
  • Find punch card ballots advanced technology.
  • Think all out war is justifiable until you find out how many people get killed and how much it costs.
  • You watch Katie Couric, Brian Williams, or Jay Leno for all your news.
  • Don’t watch the Daily Show because you don’t get the jokes.
  • Don’t realize the Daily Show is a comedy show.
  • Can’t drive a stick shift.
  • Love the in-depth articles in USA Today.
  • Are for something before you are against something, right after you were for it and against it simultaneously.
  • Are annoyed that ballots aren’t in multiple choice format.
  • Don’t know who Sarah Palin is.
  • When you find out who she is, you think you could vote for her because she has an honest face.
  • Think taxes are too high while voting for high-ticket ballot initiatives.
  • Don’t understand why they haven’t been able to find that Osama Bin Laden fella after all these years.
  • Don’t recognize the names Mitch McConnell, Harry Reid, or Nancy Pelosi, but can name all the judges and contestants to ever appear on So You Think You Can Dance.
  • Were going to vote, but hadn’t heard about it being election day.
  • Complain vociferously about policies and elected officials while ignoring the fact you didn’t vote.
  • Believe in term limits so you won’t have to vote as often.
  • Hate it when a Presidential address comes on and “ruins my shows”.
  • You carry more than $25,000 on your credit card and don’t understand how long it will take to pay it off in minimum payments.
  • You think the answer to paying off the debt on one credit card can be reduced by transferring it all to a new credit card with a 0.1% lower APR.
  • Can’t balance a checkbook (although this could also be equally true for liberals and conservatives).
  • Think war is imminent when a story appears saying the Pentagon has a war plan for invading North Korea without realizing they have constantly updated plans for every country on Earth…including Canada.
  • Think the mainstream media is too liberal.
  • Think the mainstream media is too conservative.
  • Think the mainstream media is both too conservative and too liberal at the same time.
  • Don’t know what the terms liberal and conservative mean.
  • Never read newspapers, magazines, or watch the news.
  • Complain Congress is made up of fat cats while voting for CEOs whose previous experience was turning their former companies into smoking holes in the ground while collecting a severance package greater than the GDP of Guatemala.
  • Complain about unions while taking time off from your 40-hour a week job to get company-supplied medical treatment for the black lung and crushed leg you got in a non-union coal mine.
  • Complain about executive compensation, but follow the company’s voting recommendation when the proxy statement for your 3 shares of AT&T shows up.
  • Thought Ted Stevens gave an enlightening explanation of the tubes and trucks that make up the Internet.
  • Spend a lot of time playing war-based video games while being undecided about Iraq and Afghanistan.
  • Couldn’t form an opinion if your life depended on it.
  • Don’t remember to mail in your absentee ballot until 3 months after the election after finding it in the junk drawer in your kitchen.
  • Appreciate the points from both right and left, but can’t vote because the positions seem so similar.
  • Think all Congressional votes are based on a simple majority.
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