New York – U.S. Attorney Preet Bharara and James T. Hayes, Special Agent-in-Charge of the New York U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) office announced Thursday they are filing charges to deport a 70-million year old resident of Mongolia who fled that country and entered the U.S. illegally.
On September 1, 2001 a gaggle of terrorists – at least one of whom spent his last night on Earth drinking demon rum while ogling strippers – caught the early flight out of Portland , ME. The rest, as they say, is history.
When the dust settled George W. Bush grabbed a megaphone, climbed atop some rubble, threw his arm around a fireman, and gave a fiery speech about truth, justice, and the American way. The good ol’ boy fireman hug was a bit over-the-top, but otherwise it was the perfect thing to rally a country on edge and staring into a bottomless pit of C4.
It also marked the last time I agreed with just about anything he said and the last time there was any semblance of civility in the political process.
At the time, every pundit and politician talked about how the attacks were game-changers. The most oft-heard phrase was, “Our world has changed forever.”
That sure turned out a gross understatement.
GRANDMA! - Able to leap walkers in a single bound. Click Image for more >>
Tech Bubble, What Tech Bubble?
Insecure Security
(Blue Gal)
Today was one of those rare days when I heard a Republican speak some sense. But as usually happens at these snowball in Hell moments, someone comes along and takes things right over the top.
Forgive me if I come off the rails here, but I’m so giddy with this case’s heady aroma of bipartisanship it just gives me hope for change or maybe change for hope. Since neither happened, I guess it doesn’t matter.
This morning, The Hill reported that Rep. Ted Poe – from Texas of all places (who knew?) – speechified that the new TSA “touch my junk” rules are a violation of the Fourth Amendment protections against unreasonable searches and seizures.
Watch Out for the Boehner Boys
Huzzah Rep. Ted! Props to you for such a forward-thinking position! But word to the wise, watch out for the long knives in the House cloakroom. The Boehner Boys may not be so understanding of a chap who actually thinks once in a awhile.
In my mind this is as clear as a case gets, notwithstanding the 4 out 0f 5 fear-crazed, jelly-legged, Americans who think it’s just fine to throw away perfectly good civil rights because a terrorist might set his lap on fire while sitting next to them on the 3:15 to Dallas. These are some of the same people who believe wiretapping is A-OK and domestic spying is just okey-dokey-artichokey if they hold the Islamoterrorists at bay.
Yet many complain that taxing them or maintaining the separation of church and state, or promoting non-discrimination is some overarching plot to get the Government so far down their knickers a TSA agent, even a gay one, couldn’t detect it.
Oh, TSA agents. That reminds me of Part 2 of this story.
Peter LaBarbera over at Americans For Truth About Homosexuality (AFTAH) is not only God fearing, but also terrorist fearing and homosexual fearing – the fear trifecta, by golly! He maintains homos are on the loose at your neighborhood airport and they’re a greater threat than terrorists, except for him coming out of his own closet.
So, Pete thinks boy agents shouldn’t frisk boys, and girl agents shouldn’t frisk girls, and bisexuals, well they just can’t frisk anybody. Heaven forbid we have a wild outbreak of woodies and wet spots in line at that sanitary napkin-seeing monument to terrorist exceptionalism, the full body scanner.
BTW, he didn’t mention transsexuals, presumably because the existential question, “I think I have a post-operative penis, so therefore who the hell will I be next week?” just blew his pointy little sex-crazed mind.
Now I’m not sure what Pete’s interpretation of the Fourth Amendment is , but I’ll go out on a limb and guess he frequently mistakes it for the Fourth Commandment. Is that the one where you shouldn’t covet your neighbor’s goat or the one about never getting into cars when creepy old guys offer you candy?
I’m an atheist, so I’m unclear on this religious stuff.
What Does a Terrorist Wear Under His Kilt?
In any case, Ted, Pete, and I all see something that is wrong. Nobody should be frisking anyone, homosexually or otherwise. Nobody should be taking x-ray pictures of your wrinkly old junk. No one should have to remove shoes, belts, or kilts (as has been suggested by recent patees) or forgo fingernail clippers for that nasty hangnail they’ve been nursing.
Also, water is good for you, regardless of the size of the bottle. Hand lotion – even in amounts greater than 3 oz. placed carefully in a clear container in a clear plastic bag – is handy on a long skin-drying flight. Unless you really do fear that Muslim-looking guy in 7E, who is really a suntanned sales rep from Omaha, is going to lube you to within an inch of your pants-wetting life!
I’m with you Ted, good on ya! And Pete, you’re as loony as they come, but you have a point here…even if you did find it by accident under that rock from which you spring. I’d ask you out for a drink, but you’d never tell me, would you?
Good Lord.
TERRORIST NABBED - TSA agents stopped a so-called Boobie Bomber at Reagan National airport as she tried to board a plane carry two breast implant bombs.
In an airport somewhere in America:
“Line 2 is NOW open ladies and gentlemen. Please have a photo ID, boarding pass, blood sample, and affidavits from at least 18 people (not including immediate or extended family members) ready for checking.”
“Please remove all shoes, belts, jackets, rings, watches, garments, legs, and underwear. No liquids, except blood contained within your body is allowed on board. Federal air regulations prohibit you from carrying sweat, pus, urine, and fecal matter on board the aircraft.”
SURVEILLANCE PHOTO - A recently declassified photo showing an Al Qaeda operative shortly after having the bombs implanted.
“You will be required to undergo a full body scan and cavity search. You must keep the scan films with you at all times and never let them out of your sight. You may be required to produce them at any time on your flight for the purposes of comparison to the Federal Terrorist Scan List.”
“OK lady! What’re you carrying there?”
“Where officer?”
“Right there, in the breasticle area.”
“Where?”
“Breastical area ma’am. Are those breast implants?”
“Yes officer.”
“CODE 8! CODE 8! FUN BAG INTRUDER ALERT, GATE 17! DROP TO THE FLOOR LADY! TITS UP! TITS UP! I’m not screwin’ around!”
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