New York – U.S. Attorney Preet Bharara and James T. Hayes, Special Agent-in-Charge of the New York U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) office announced Thursday they are filing charges to deport a 70-million year old resident of Mongolia who fled that country and entered the U.S. illegally.
On September 1, 2001 a gaggle of terrorists – at least one of whom spent his last night on Earth drinking demon rum while ogling strippers – caught the early flight out of Portland , ME. The rest, as they say, is history.
When the dust settled George W. Bush grabbed a megaphone, climbed atop some rubble, threw his arm around a fireman, and gave a fiery speech about truth, justice, and the American way. The good ol’ boy fireman hug was a bit over-the-top, but otherwise it was the perfect thing to rally a country on edge and staring into a bottomless pit of C4.
It also marked the last time I agreed with just about anything he said and the last time there was any semblance of civility in the political process.
At the time, every pundit and politician talked about how the attacks were game-changers. The most oft-heard phrase was, “Our world has changed forever.”
That sure turned out a gross understatement.
- Student’s Project Asks Female Students To Look At Nether Regions
- Hulk Hogan Shows His Daughter His Penis
- Bestiality Anonymous
- Octopussy Dildo
- Sex toy drive-thru: Alabama shop to offer window service
- Handwritten Magazine Insert Offers Oral Sex to Any Woman
- Seven BJs That Ruined Everything
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- In Iran, tombstones shaped like penises delight tourist
- Man Dies From Sex With Horse
- Berlusconi Replaces Ancient Penis
, What Tech Bubble?
- US Air Force posts request for real-life stupid ray
- Amateur space enthusiasts launch paper plane into space
- Yoga Dogs
- Two minutes’ silence released as a charity single
- Girl Has Frighteningly Boisterous Laugh
- When Mazda Built a Racing Ferrari For Laughs
- The History Of The Tea Party In 4 Minutes
- The Twinkie Diet: Nutrition Professor Goes on Monthlong Junk Food Binge
- Barack Obama is Your New Bicycle
- WTF has Sarah Palin done so far?
- 2-Year-Old Explains The Bush Tax Cuts
- Booty Dancing in Iraq; “Booty Drop” by Buckwheat Boy (Blue Gal)
- Your Baby’s Foreskin Makes You Pretty & Heals Burns
- Atheists Don’t Have No Songs
- Tony Danza Yells At Priest During Funeral
- Hungover Owls
- Video Guide To Females Farting On Film
- Naked Sleepwalker Wins $15M Libel Case
- Clown Robs Woman on Toilet
- Kentucky Man: I Was Forced to Eat My Beard
- Man arrested for throwing oranges at planes
- Police say woman attacked officer with sex toy
- Protesters bomb police station with cart full of burning cannabis
- Half-naked woman found in van with loaded gun, sex toys
- Fat Woman Killed Her Boyfriend By Sitting On Him
- Fake Doctor Busted for Giving Breast Exams in Bars
- More Omnipotent Poobah Randomness (omnipotentpoobah.com)
- Even The Office Thinks We’re in a Tech Bubble (observer.com)
- Hulk Hogan: I Didn’t Show My Genitals To My Daughter (deadspin.com)
- Nerd Dating Event Becomes (Surprise!) A Sausage Fest [Culture Smash] (kotaku.com)
- Robot Actress Makes Stage Debut In Japan (hardware.slashdot.org)
- Interview with tin toy robot collector (boingboing.net)
- Shinkansen chopsticks add dash of otaku goodness to lunch (search.japantimes.co.jp)
- Japan Invents Robot Actress (manolith.com)
- Gorge on Retro Japanese Robots by Downloading This $3 iPad App (gizmodo.com)
- All about Japanese tentacle p*rn (punjapit.wordpress.com)
- History of Sex Toys – Passion Parties by The Party Lady (greatsexsecrets.wordpress.com)
- Japanese Arcades Have The Best Prizes [Japan] (kotaku.com)
- TSA Agents Hate Touching Your Junk [Travel] (gawker.com)
Today was one of those rare days when I heard a Republican speak some sense. But as usually happens at these snowball in Hell moments, someone comes along and takes things right over the top.
Forgive me if I come off the rails here, but I’m so giddy with this case’s heady aroma of bipartisanship it just gives me hope for change or maybe change for hope. Since neither happened, I guess it doesn’t matter.
This morning, The Hill reported that Rep. Ted Poe – from Texas of all places (who knew?) – speechified that the new TSA “touch my junk” rules are a violation of the Fourth Amendment protections against unreasonable searches and seizures.
Watch Out for the Boehner Boys
Huzzah Rep. Ted! Props to you for such a forward-thinking position! But word to the wise, watch out for the long knives in the House cloakroom. The Boehner Boys may not be so understanding of a chap who actually thinks once in a awhile.
In my mind this is as clear as a case gets, notwithstanding the 4 out 0f 5 fear-crazed, jelly-legged, Americans who think it’s just fine to throw away perfectly good civil rights because a terrorist might set his lap on fire while sitting next to them on the 3:15 to Dallas. These are some of the same people who believe wiretapping is A-OK and domestic spying is just okey-dokey-artichokey if they hold the Islamoterrorists at bay.
Yet many complain that taxing them or maintaining the separation of church and state, or promoting non-discrimination is some overarching plot to get the Government so far down their knickers a TSA agent, even a gay one, couldn’t detect it.
Oh, TSA agents. That reminds me of Part 2 of this story.
Peter LaBarbera over at Americans For Truth About Homosexuality (AFTAH) is not only God fearing, but also terrorist fearing and homosexual fearing – the fear trifecta, by golly! He maintains homos are on the loose at your neighborhood airport and they’re a greater threat than terrorists, except for him coming out of his own closet.
So, Pete thinks boy agents shouldn’t frisk boys, and girl agents shouldn’t frisk girls, and bisexuals, well they just can’t frisk anybody. Heaven forbid we have a wild outbreak of woodies and wet spots in line at that sanitary napkin-seeing monument to terrorist exceptionalism, the full body scanner.
BTW, he didn’t mention transsexuals, presumably because the existential question, “I think I have a post-operative penis, so therefore who the hell will I be next week?” just blew his pointy little sex-crazed mind.
Now I’m not sure what Pete’s interpretation of the Fourth Amendment is , but I’ll go out on a limb and guess he frequently mistakes it for the Fourth Commandment. Is that the one where you shouldn’t covet your neighbor’s goat or the one about never getting into cars when creepy old guys offer you candy?
I’m an atheist, so I’m unclear on this religious stuff.
What Does a Terrorist Wear Under His Kilt?
In any case, Ted, Pete, and I all see something that is wrong. Nobody should be frisking anyone, homosexually or otherwise. Nobody should be taking x-ray pictures of your wrinkly old junk. No one should have to remove shoes, belts, or kilts (as has been suggested by recent patees) or forgo fingernail clippers for that nasty hangnail they’ve been nursing.
Also, water is good for you, regardless of the size of the bottle. Hand lotion – even in amounts greater than 3 oz. placed carefully in a clear container in a clear plastic bag – is handy on a long skin-drying flight. Unless you really do fear that Muslim-looking guy in 7E, who is really a suntanned sales rep from Omaha, is going to lube you to within an inch of your pants-wetting life!
I’m with you Ted, good on ya! And Pete, you’re as loony as they come, but you have a point here…even if you did find it by accident under that rock from which you spring. I’d ask you out for a drink, but you’d never tell me, would you?
- Don’t Touch My Junk (flightwisdom.com)
- TSA Defends New Airport Screening Procedures In Senate Hearing (swampland.blogs.time.com)
- AFTAH’s LaBarbera Obsessed With Gay TSA Screeners (pinkbananaworld.com)
- And now another edition of ‘Injecting Gay Sex into Everything w/ Peter LaBarbera’ (pinkbananaworld.com)
- LaBarbera Worries Gay TSA Agents Are “Secretly Getting Turned On” At Airports | Right Wing Watch (rightwingwatch.org)
- TSA Backlash week [Thoughts from Kansas] (scienceblogs.com)
- TSA agents doing pat-downs aren’t thrilled either (seattletimes.nwsource.com)
- TSA ‘Strip and Grope’: Meet the Fourth Amendment (pajamasmedia.com)
- TSA Unionization: An $32 Million Annual Gift to Union Bosses (redstate.com)
In an airport somewhere in America:
“Line 2 is NOW open ladies and gentlemen. Please have a photo ID, boarding pass, blood sample, and affidavits from at least 18 people (not including immediate or extended family members) ready for checking.”
“Please remove all shoes, belts, jackets, rings, watches, garments, legs, and underwear. No liquids, except blood contained within your body is allowed on board. Federal air regulations prohibit you from carrying sweat, pus, urine, and fecal matter on board the aircraft.”
“You will be required to undergo a full body scan and cavity search. You must keep the scan films with you at all times and never let them out of your sight. You may be required to produce them at any time on your flight for the purposes of comparison to the Federal Terrorist Scan List.”
“OK lady! What’re you carrying there?”
“Right there, in the breasticle area.”
“Breastical area ma’am. Are those breast implants?”
“CODE 8! CODE 8! FUN BAG INTRUDER ALERT, GATE 17! DROP TO THE FLOOR LADY! TITS UP! TITS UP! I’m not screwin’ around!”
- TSA plants baggie of white powder in traveller’s bag (boingboing.net)
- Explosive Breast Implants (manolith.com)
- Do TSA Agents Even Know the Rules? (flightwisdom.com)
- Page Six: Jwoww Getting Bigger Breast Implants for Next Season of Jersey Shore (shoppingblog.com)