02/13/12

Reality TV: Making You Feel Superior Every Day

REALITY WARS – Truthful, truthy, or just plain lies, America’s fascination with goobs on TV keeps their minds off of truly icky subjects.

Stephen Colbert coined the phrase Truthiness, defined as “a truth that a person claims to know intuitively from the gut or because it feels right without regard to evidence, logic, intellectual examination, or facts.” Based on that definition “reality” television shows even stretch that broad definition to something closer to realitiness, “the relative reality based on colorful characters and stupid premises without regard for the relative reality of either.” Or something like that.

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02/23/11

Gov. Cheesehead is as Smooth as a Double-Cream Muenster

THE BIG CHEESE - A liberal online newspaper editor left a bit of cheese in a mousetrap and Scott "Cheesehead™" Walker took the bait.

If you’re a liberal who screamed bloody murder about ACORN or a conservative who thought using faux pimps as extras in second-rate video was A-OK – and you now feel obliged to jump to the other side of the fence or yank funding from someone – go Googlize yourself now, because this post isn’t for you.

Dude! You’ve been punked!

Wisconsin Governor Scott “Cheesehead™” Walker has run afoul of a liberal newspaper editor running a reverse ACORNization on him. The Big Cheese™ believed he was speaking with conservative gajillionaire/amateur tea brewer David Koch. And judging from the conversation, he poured out his heart to Koch as though channeling Ayn Rand.

Much of what transpired isn’t particularly surprising nor unusual in the political arena – purely standard playbook stuff really. Possibly planting trouble stirrer uppers in the crowd? Meh. Saying the current hoopla is all about Wisconsin’s budget? If so, he’s also hoping the anti-union movement will spread across the country.Or, in Chester Cheetos’ words, “Yep, this is our moment.” Imagine that! Two birds with one brick of cheddar!

And his idea of bipartisanship? Well, lure recalcitrant Democrats back to the Capitol and then pass the bill while they’re still in talks. And if you’re a Dem patting yourself on the back about how smooth the Cheese Dems are, remember this: The old “living at a secret undisclosed location” ploy was pioneered by Texas state Repubs and endorsed by Ex-Hammer and soon to be present Prisoner No. BR-549, Tom “Dancin’ as Fast as He Can With Bum Ankles” Delay.

Card Carrying Member of the Cult of St. Ronnie of Reagan

SCOTT CHEESEHEAD WALKER - If the cheese fits, wear it.

But other things? Other things were, um… Well Gov, perhaps you should have your people call their people at the Mendota Mental Health Institute. Oops, Mendota is a union shop they might be on strike or something. You should call ahead..providing the union switchboard operator at the capitol isn’t out on strike.

It seems Gov. Cheeseburglar is also a huge devotee of the Cult of St. Ronnie of Reagan. According to Scottie, Ronnie’s firing of the air traffic controllers was, “the first crack in the Berlin Wall and led to the fall of the Soviets.”

Um Gov? Ronnie was responsible for lots of things (though contrary to popular belief, not single-handedly bringing down the Evil Empire), but legally firing union workers who had no collective bargain nor strike rights? That he did, according to the letter of the law. He didn’t gut an already legal union. He fired workers conducting an illegal strike by simply following the existing law.

Richer Than a Double-Cream Muenster
Oh, and word to the deunionization hotheads…by firing almost all controllers at the same time we still suffer cyclical problems with ATC staffing as nearly the entire workforce turns over every 20 years or so. And BTW, almost none of the non-monetary issues – which for many controllers were as important as the money – have been looked at since. The air traffic system is still circa 1981 which was already circa 1941.

It also seems Gov Extra Sharp has a nascent anger management problem. He promised to never give in, preferring the liberal application of “a slugger with my name on it” to get his own way.

Is he misleading the public lying? It would be charitable to answer yes, but so do most politicians. Is he crazy? Perhaps not in the clinical sense, but certainly in that curious way true ideologues are. Do I really think he’d tee up a Dem’s head for an out of the park HR? No, but I bet it gives him morning wood. Hey! Maybe THAT’s the “slugger” he’s talking about!

The false-flagged Koch asked, “I’ll tell you what, Scott, once you crush these bastards, I’ll fly you out to Cali and really show you a good time.”

“All right, that would be outstanding,” Walker said. It’s “all about getting our freedoms back.”

Now that’s richer than a double-cream Muenster.

“David Koch poser gets Wis. Gov. Scott Walker to reveal ploy” and related posts (personalmoneystore.com)
BUSTED: Wisconsin Governor Gets Punked By Journalist Pretending To Be David Koch (businessinsider.com)
Left-Wing Reporter Posing As David Koch, Prank Calls Gov Walker (nicedeb.wordpress.com)
Jesse Berney: Top Six Revelations in the Call Between Fake David Koch and Governor Scott Walker (huffingtonpost.com)
Scott Walker Caught On Tape With “David Koch”? (oliverwillis.com)
Prank call proves billionaire David Koch owns Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker and the GOP (grist.org)
Miles Mogulescu: Wisconsin Governor Threatens Metaphoric “Hostage Crisis” Using State Workers as “Hostages” to Break Unions (huffingtonpost.com)
Koch Whore: Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker (iflizwerequeen.com)
Walker in prank call: ‘This is our moment’ (firstread.msnbc.msn.com)
The Guy Who Prank Called Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker HOPES David Koch Sues His Website (businessinsider.com)

06/23/10

The Return of Jack ‘The Hat’ Abramoff

THROWIN' THE DOUGH - Former lobbyist and amateur hat model, Jack 'The Hat' Abramoff is out of the hoosegow and dishing kosher pizza. There's no word yet on if, or when, he might treat those whose careers he destroyed to a nice slice of the humble pie.

Fresh off a 43-month stint as a guest at Uncle Sam’s deluxe Cumberland, MD penal colony, Jack ‘The Hat’ Abramoff has moved into a halfway house and scored a new gig at a Baltimore pizza joint.

It seems like a strange move for a former lobbyist and amateur hat model, but he’s paid his debt to society and it’s time for him to once again become a productive member of society – if you consider his former career as a lobbyist productive.

It turns out he actually has the right skill-set for the pizza biz. He’s the former owner of a swank DC eatery and devoutly Jewish, making him the perfect fit to eventually take over marketing for Tov, the kosher pizza place. After all, marketing isn’t that different from lobbying. You convince people to gobble up all sorts of tasty morsels in the hope they will grow fat and happy, come back again and again, and leave you a really good tip.

While he’s certainly no Bernie Madoff, he did do considerable damage to many people. Nineteen people, including Congressman Bob Ney (R-Stupidville) and a Dubya Deputy Secretary of the Interior, were convicted in the investigation. He was also partially responsible for some of the grief John McTheusela garnered while being all mavericky on the campaign trail and provided fodder to hammer Tom ‘The Hammer’ Delay his ownself. Even his erstwhile “clients” took a beating. Bernie Sprague of the Saginaw Chippewa tribe said Abramoff cost them millions.

“It totally destroyed our tribe,” Sprague said. “All he was worried about was Jack. Jack has to get his next big check. . . . That was the only thing on his mind.”

His stink may still linger too. Jack was BFF with Arizona Senate candidate and Tea Bagger zany J.D. Hayworth. Hayworth is known for slugging an already punch drunk John McCain during the bruising campaign and one can expect the ancient scion of what passes for Arizona politics to remind everyone of the connection.

Lobbyists come. Lobbyists go. But, the crapulent aroma of their pizza lingers on.