Tiger Woods | The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

GRIZZLED CRONE(ISM) - Yeah kid, that was my first reaction too.

The Master List

As it turns out, terrorists weren’t the only things that scared the crapola out of Americans during the 2000s.
Now Appearing: Ted Zeppelin, the world’s first Led Zeppelin tribute band made up entirely of men named Ted.
A bad economy isn’t conducive workplace efficiency.
So many candidates and so little time.
Reliving 2009 a second time won’t make it any better.
Signs of the times.
Yeah, Vista would be right up there for me too.
The Big Book of Fail.
No, I’d believe they exist.

Believe It or Not

Sometimes I just wonder why people do what they do and then I sit back and enjoy the ride.
Shortly thereafter, Google paid $16 billion for the bird with hopes of dominating the global bird crap market. Market analysts weren’t impressed with the deal.
What a deal!
There was no room at the inn, so they moved down the street to the Motel 666.
The only sane response you can have about the year 2009.
Tiger Woods gets a picture of his life at 84.
Yeah, brussels sprouts have the same effect on me.
Everything may be larger in Texas, but some things are stinkier in Maryland.
Well it was gas, just a different kind than they were thinking.
President Obama thought Janet Napolitano had gone just a little over the top with her new security precautions.
Henrick was pleased with it until a terrorist commandeered his sidecar and strafed LAX.
The alleged terrorist apparently had concealed the bomb in his pants disguised as either a penis or a large sausage.
Hollywood Reporter Headline: MiLo Kicks Krap Out of Krack!
And the question is – what do Kim Kardashian and Ashton Kutcher do all day?
Ladies, send all letters of complaint to the People’s Republic of China, 1310 Evil Empire Dr, Beijing China.
Goin’ green in the pink.
Yeah, this can’t be good for you.
See, now that’s where I got it wrong. I did try it with a badger.
TEN HUT! - Sgt. Rocky was a fine soldier.
Stash ridin’ down at the Bonanza Jellybean Ranch.
Black Friday: Any day you choose to imprison yourself in one of these temples of excess.
Boldly naked where no man has been naked before.
A photo that proves 14-year old boys will hit just about anything.
It would seem a bark-off would be needed to settle the issue.
So that’s what they mean by a “working vacation“.
“He may have been under the influence of drugs.” Ya think Starsky? What was your first clue?
Friends don’t let friends paint with Starbucks.
You can use a rock as a hammer, but you’ll bend a lot of nails.
What has the world come to when a celebrity can’t even stop in for an emergency supply of motion lotion.
Note to the Midwest and Eastern Seaboard – quityerbitchin’.
The first girl will be none other than Miss Miley Cyrus.
Quick Robin, to the Bat Boat!
The only one who failed was named Dubya.
I know the first thing I want to do in the morning is rap.
AFLAC!

Japan Dominates the Global Market of Weird

Although Jimmy was just a tourist visiting the strip club, he noticed right away that something was desperately wrong on stage.
Another Tiger Woods mistress turns up during the Tokyo Open.
Sometimes the Japanese aren’t clear about the concept of Western holidays.
Sal9000 needs to get a real name and get out of the office a little more often. Thanks to Ari Cohn.
OK, now that’s just disturbing.
Suddenly, the Geico gecko felt inadequate.
To infinity and beyonnnnnnd!
Let the gluttony begin!

Reasons to Be an Atheist

Cheer up comrades, it’s no worse than the pink elephants you see flying round the old vodka bottle.
Let’s throw anotha bahnahnah on the bahbee.
A new Christian reality show that depicts the true gospels.
Geraldine was a devout member of the Church of What’s Happening Now.
In their defense, Johnie Lee is a very liberal Klansman.

New Fangled Gadgets for a New Decade

Jim was as Snuggie as a Fudgie in a Tuggie.
The thieves thought their victim was wearing a pair of Brief Safes until they noticed that the skid marks looked remarkably real.
Home of the Xtreme appletini.
This stuff could easily spell a come-back by Barry Bonds.
There’s a reason most concept cars don’t make it to the showroom.
I want that!
The Winnebago set gets a hard-on.
The only problem was that the airbags kept deploying.