It’s been a rough decade or so for America. One disaster after another. I find it hard to get cranky over anything or anyone anymore and I’m ashamed to say my blog production has dropped off as a result.
John Boehner, see what happens when you jump in the pigsty and wallow with the biggest, baddest sow around? Mud, as it turns out, sticks.
In the last election, you cozied up to the Teabaggers with a wink, wink, nudge, nudge confidence that the GOP Old Guard could control those over-exuberant pups on a double caffeine tea jag. You won back the House, but now you’re caught by the balls between a cup of Morning Thunder tea and a crate of tea bags.
Michele Bachmann is a multi-talented woman. Conspiracy theorist. Miscommunication expert – in both the with and without 100 word freestyle Teleprompter events. Spinner of wild fantasies. Stand up comedian. The list is endless. She’s a barrel of laughs. The nation is lucky to have such comic relief in an era of unbroken heartbreak.
She’s also a member of the ignorati, those folks possessing brains the rough size and intellectual heft of an overcooked turnip. Aside from the obvious, we know she is a card-carrying member because a New Jersey high school sophomore wants to go mano a mano with ‘Chele in a debate about civics, history, and the Constitution. A debate that’ll never happen in a million years.
Amy Will Take Her in Three Rounds
Amy Myers, has Michele’s number though. “The frequent inability you have shown to accurately and factually present even the most basic information about the United States,” pits “my public education against your advanced legal education,” Amy says.
I’ll bet on Amy, even if she is one of the Every Child Left Behind generation.
Sweet Bejebus! Praise the Lard…AMEN!
- Jesus Christ Multiracial Salt and Pepper Shakers
- Photos appear to show likeness of Virgin Mary in ice
- Top 10 Religious Relics
- Texas atheists trade porn for Bibles
- This Is A Real Movie
Ideas That Seemed Good at the Time
- SeaCaptainDate.com Testimonial
- Man has ‘mini’ tattooed on penis to win car
- Stephen Fry security whoopsie leads to prank fart book order
- Malawi to Outlaw Farting
- Justin BieBEAR
- 6 Of The Most WTF Products Found On Amazon
- Objects Used As Helmets During Egyptian Protests
- 56 Extreme Drunken Shamings
- Really Awkward Self Made Stuff
- PETA’s Super Bowl Ad
- Spray-On Skin
- Sh*tty Tattoo
- Woman Tries to Mail Puppy via USPS Flat Rate Box
How ‘Bout That?
- Can cleavage replace novocaine?
- Ripped From Today’s Headlines
- Egyptian Protesters Vs. American Teabaggers
- Corporations -> Politicians -> Media -> Citizens
- Cuba Runs Out of Toilet Paper
- Throwing A Needle Through Glass
- Man claims Glaxo drug made him ‘gay sex addict’
- Man has left foot attached to other leg
- Pictures of Julian Assange’s Famous Leaky Condom Leaked
- Hilarious Pictures with Double Meaning
- World’s oldest marijuana stash totally busted
- YouTube Rappers Clown Egypt’s Dictator
The Most Goobulent Persons in the World
- Woman Threw Ex’s Mother’s Ashes Out Window
- Suicide Bomber Done In by Errant Text Message
- Toy Firearm Gets Banned From Flight At Gatwick Airport
- Chicago officer beats off dildo-wielding bill-skipper
- Lacks Funds For Hit So Contracts For Boyfriend To Be Crippled
- Preschooler Suspended Over Potty Accidents
- He hates everything in the world except himself
- Maine Fights Over Whoopie Pies
- Girl of four died in sat-nav error crash
From Sushi to Chopsticks
- Japanese firm makes eco-friendly rickshaw
- Japanese Brothel from Inside
- Japanese Naked Festival – The Hadaka Matsuri
- Millions Head Over Heels for ‘Crotch Wash’ Toilet
Mr. Roboto Must be Very Arigato
- Charli Walks
- RoboCop scatters live grenades in San Francisco
- Gundam Robot Victorious in Battle With Chinese Rival
- Robo Rainbow
- More Randomness (omnipotentpoobah.com)
- Mr. Roboto By The Styx: Is This Singularity Music? (singularityblog.singularitysymposium.com)
- Handbag Porn: Your Bag as a Camera (thegloss.com)
Conservatives – especially their tea partying faction – are yelling, “Hell no! We won’t grow!” in their quest for government with a microscopic “G”. Their biggest quibble with St. Ronnie of Reagan’s government isn’t the solution, it’s the problem mantra was that he didn’t lay off the entire government (except for a staggeringly expensive, ass-kicking military…and it’s associated contractors and arms makers) and outsource everything to the states, or preferably, India by way of multinational conglomerates.
I suspect they’ll be getting a rude awakening soon. They’ll find it next to impossible to fight the strong running political tide, agree on what needs to be shed, or even agree on what small government means.
For example, arch-conservative Michele Bachmann wanted to prohibit earmarks only to find that, oops, her state wouldn’t get any money either. Suddenly her perception of pork changed in the face of angry voters who saw that Michele’s financial acumen was roughly equivalent to a high school home economics course in buying canned hams at rock bottom prices.
One man’s crumbling highway is another’s canned ham. Let those drivers give up the ham. They need to be put on the fiscally conservative South Beach Minnesota Diet. Same for those homeless people too by golly. It’ll be good for their no account goldbricking asses.
Conservatives never met a regulation they liked – unless it benefits them or is written by lobbyists. And one of the biggest government expenditures of all is creating and enforcing regulations. The baggers and Republi-Goobs are of a similar mind that only the private sector is smart enough to do anything – apparently ignoring that whole financial derivatives thing. But who’s counting.
So here’s an idea.
Regulations and regulators are a huge chunk of the budget, right? The Tax and Spend It All on Me Crowd frequently reminds us, usually in high-pitched squeaky voices, that the private sector is where smart, upstanding CEOs can do anything. They even have big paychecks to prove it.
Since the Supreme Activist Court (SACOTUS) took it upon themselves to give corporations Constitutional rights far and away more important than the rights of all individual citizens combined, it makes sense that corporations would be the very picture of responsible citizens in thanks. And smart as whips too.
So, corporations are just terrific, and honest, and thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent. We know this because Cryin’ John Boehner and the boys tell us so. So, how about we just trust them to do the right thing? No need to regulate when the free market unfailingly leads companies to the path of righteousness and honor.
We’d cut thousands of regulators in a jiffy. Legislators would have absolutely nothing to do except rubber stamp appropriations bills for the War du Jour. And lobbyists? Well, they’d become pro bono advisers to a micro-government that runs as smooth as BP oil rushing out of a broken wellhead. Yeah, THAT’S the ticket!
Um, only one small fly in the ointment on that one. Forget I mentioned anything.
- More politics (omnipotentpoobah.com)
- What’s Michele Bachmann up to? (salon.com)
- Michele Bachmann: Scalia Will Teach Constitution Class (huffingtonpost.com)
- The Tears of John Boehner (opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com)
- You: Democrats target John Boehner (guardian.co.uk)
- Big barriers to small government (orgtheory.wordpress.com)
- Most Teabaggers Don’t Really Want Small Government (redstateprogressive.com)
- An Actual Small Government Conservative (andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com)
- Tea Party Could Sink the Tax-Cut Deal in the House (thedailybeast.com)
- More on small-government Joe Miller’s personal cops handcuffing a journalist (americablog.com)
- Janine R. Wedel: Shadow Elite: The Small Government Lie – How Both Parties Stood By As Our Government Burned (huffingtonpost.com)