09/6/12

Conventions and Clint Eastwood: May They Go the Way of the Dodo Bird

Tiny Convention Hat

The Ringling Brothers, Barnum & Barack Show is underway, leaving us all to wonder why we even need conventions – especially if your secret guest speakers are His Eloquency Clint Eastwood and the Imaginary Barack the Kenyan Kommunist. They are outmoded in an instantaneous 24×7 world.

According to the Great Big Screaming Heads, the primary function of the Republican World Lie-a-Thon Champeenships was to introduce Mitt to America. Apparently introducing him is really hard. He’s been running since 2008. Of course, the crazy wing of the party could say incredibly stupid things at exactly the most inopportune times. Party swells cozied up to big donors and assorted cash-laden hangers-on for a little up-close and personal grifting. And, Mittens got to enjoy his favorite political banquet meal…rubber chicken slathered in Dom Perignon caviar sauce served by a brace of virgin Sister Wives.

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09/2/12

The Democrat’s Conspiracy…As Told By Rush Limbaugh

The Mouth That Roared

Except for the 700 people he conned out of money for the original 700 Club, most people think Pat Robertson is bat shit crazy – especially when it comes to natural disasters. In his mind, hurricanes attack because cities support Teh Gays. Or, he prays them away from his home base in Virginia Beach VA, where he has substantial business interests and many of his suitably righteous homies live. But in the panoply of right-wing shitting bats he’s not exactly alone – take Rush Limbaugh. Please.

Robertson probably thought the Log Cabin Republicans were in the Tampa Coliseum (that public place built without public funds), tempting Hurricane Isaac to attack the Republican Convention. The homophobic hurricane caused a sharp curtailment in the number of statements that will be “misquoted”…verbatim. Even Ann Romney was put off telling the heart-warming, just plain folksy story of her Olympic show horse.

But Rush was “alleging no conspiracy” of the sort. In fact, Rush was, “alleging no conspiracy” that “the regime”, “the government”, and “Obama” ordered the National Hurricane Center to fake Isaac’s forecast to interrupt the tea party that is the Republican Convention.

“Alleging no conspiracy”, loudly, Rush said, “What could be better for the Democrats than the Republicans to cancel a day of this? I’m just telling you folks, when you put all this together in this timeline, I’m telling you, it’s unbelievable.” True, it’s unbelievable, but “the timeline” isn’t that unbelievable part.

This will come as a surprise, but the Democrats were probably more upset than the Republicans. With the delays and cancellations, the public didn’t hear walking w(h)ig and birther Donald Trump. A host of lesser Republican ignorati didn’t have the chance to dispute science and say incredibly stupid things they had to explain ad hominem before claiming they never said any such thing (while videotape of them saying every such thing plays in split screen).

Republican ladies didn’t get the chance to throw panties and tea bags on stage when that dashing hunk Paul Ryan appeared. Heck, even Mittens didn’t get to make an acceptance speech where he was for something (Romneycare) before he was against it (Obamacare). Good Lord, the Democrats don’t stand a chance now that the Republicans lost a campaign day as time runs out.

It seems clear that if anyone “is alleging no conspiracy”, it’s the Democrats.

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05/12/12

Mitt the Merry Prankster and Barack the Pusher Downer

Kids do stupid things. Sometimes they know no better. Other times Mom and Dad don’t teach them right from wrong because they’re morons who don’t know right from wrong either. And sometimes, kids are just evil seeds. Yes, kids do stupid and inexplicable things. It is the way of the world.

Sometimes the stupid things catch up to them as adults. Mitt Romney is in that PR hell now. He supposedly led a group of boys – there’s that leadership thing he goes on and on about – and held down a kid with a ponytail, cut it off, and badgered the kid for being gay. That’s the sort of thing that causes kids to commit suicide these days. It probably did back then too, you just didn’t hear about it as often because suicide besmirched the family reputation so much it was hidden as often as not.

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03/9/12

I Smell Crapweasles

Proving the Poobah’s posts are prescient, it’s seems the threat to smite the Mormons over posthumous baptisms caused them to collapse into mint jelly and quash the practice.

Maybe.

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03/6/12

The Limbaugh Fight: Will the Winner Get an Asterisk in the Record Book?

The Slutification of America

Let’s get this straight. In my opinion, Rush Limbaugh was wrong. He was wrong in calling a young woman a slut and prostitute. He was insincere, at best, in his multiple apologies. He was wrong – or deliberately lying – about salient information covering contraception.

He’s done this many times before. Yet, the Dittohead Nation always answers the clarion calls to defend him and their other conservative heroes with a scorched earth policy comprised of, “it was those dirty (liberals, leftists, socialists, communists, Nazis, or secular humanists, take your pick) “made me do it” and a series of “heartfelt” apologies that are anything but.

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