Tag Archives: republicans

Krauthammer: Obama Has Republicans Right Where He Wants Them


Posted by Omnipotent Poobah
Krauthammer the Gnome

OBAMA IS A SWINDLER - Charles Krauthammer thinks Obama is a crackerjack negotiator who swindled the Republicans on the tax deal. He's apparently the only one to see it.

Pundit and perpetually dour Travelocity Gnome Charles Krauthammer, took to his token WaPo seat today to inform the world that the Compromiser-in-Chief really hornswoggled those waskly Republiwabbits with his captiulation compromise on the Bush tax cuts. A plan so clever that Obama, Democrats, and apparently judging by their reactions, Republicans too, are just too dim to see.

Yup Chuck, that wiley old Kenyan socialist has ‘em right where he wants ‘em now!

According to the Great and Glorious Oz-Hammer, Obama tricked Republicans into what the Wall St. Journal calls, “a second, stealth stimulus package” worth a $1 trillion by agreeing to tax cuts for all and extra money for those not lucky enough to be unemployed corporate titans.

Psst…don’t tell anyone that many economists see the tax cuts for the wealthy as making up the lion’s share of the trillion and providing the least stimulus – unless by stimulus you mean stimulus for yacht and corporate jet makers.

Oh wait! The wealthy already get private jet service as part of their measly compensation packages. Silly me!

Alienating Voters for Fun and Profit
Obama gave up his objection to tax cuts for the rich – before negotiations even started – in exchange for tax cuts for everyone and unemployment money the Republicans didn’t care a whit about anyway – except to the extent that the have nots would’ve been momentarily pissed if they got nothing.

Now here’s the genius of Barack Machiavelli’s plan. Give the Republicans what they really want (tax cuts for the rich) in exchange for letting them off the hook for their most outrageous and politically embarrassing proposals (no middle class cuts and unemployment continuation).

Then, kick the can down the road so that Republicans will be in power and more easily able to strip the tax cuts down to only those for the More Money Than God tax bracket while pummeling Obama with accusations that those budget-busting middle class tax cuts and extended unemployment benefits just ruined the economy. Ruined I say!

If the Republicans gave a crap about their constituents – other than their corporate donors I mean – the unemployment extension shouldn’t have needed to be negotiated. It was a worthless bargaining chip as far as the Republicans were concerned, “Let the little people have their crumbs. Pass the $5,000 per ounce caviar Mr. Halliburton.”

As for middle class taxpayers it’s not such a ‘victory’ either. The deal could raise taxes for 1-in-3 workers. And as usual, the working poor get bupkis. The Obamicans giveth with one hand and taketh away with the other.

Lighting $100 Cigars with $100 Bills
The Bush tax cuts were passed during the period of the inflating bubble. The corporate titans could light $100 cigars with $100 bills worth $200. Middle class folks could buy homes well-beyond their means with money loaned by banks engaged in the world’s largest 3-card monty game. Most everybody, except those losing their jobs to offshoring, was working. And, we were flush enough to finance two wars – creating much of the deficit Obama inherited – “off the budget books”.

There’s an old fable that makes too much sense to possibly be true. To balance a budget you have to have more coming in than you have going out. But when your economy is built with all the stability of a Jenga game on quicksand you won’t be able to do it quickly. The economy took a long time to get so thoroughly and royally hosed.

It’ll take sacrifice and austerity by EVERYONE – yes Robber Barons and your super-citizen corporations, this means you. It also means middle class folks who won’t like to bite the bullet, but guano happens. The poor aren’t generally paying taxes anyway because the tax on zero is, oddly enough, zero.

The truly fiscally responsible way would’ve been to give no tax cuts to anyone. The rich and middle class are where the money is and are best equipped to weather the storm, even if income disparity is as equal as an elephant on the other side of a scale from a squirrel. Not a popular solution, but everyone suffers equally, if not proportionately, and the treasury is that much closer to getting more coming in than going out.

As for the extension of unemployment benefits, pass them independent of any deals. The politicians have shafted these people quite enough already, giving them a break is the least they could do. At least that money will be spent on something useful, like keeping a roof over the unemployed’s heads and food on the table. It’ll cost a little, but not as much as the cuts.

Rich folks, and those who ride their ample coattails, I know it’s tough to forgo that yacht the size of an aircraft carrier, but come on. Dig deep. Get the holiday Christmas spirit. Middle classers, you’ll have to suck it up as you always do. That sucks, but it is the way of capitalism – greed always wins.

The Republicans don’t give a damn what the electorate thinks of them. The Democrats are more disorganized than a herd of feral cats. And Barack…poor, poor Barack…got his feelings hurt because he’s become mono-partisan – that special state of grace where everyone – left, right, and center – thinks you’re an incompetent boob.

No more negotiating. No one ever negotiates anything that’s good for the country and it just depresses the hell out of the rest of us.

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DADT and the Wall of Whoop


Posted by Omnipotent Poobah

Greatest Generation

THE GREATEST GENERATION - Gay soldiers and sailors served during WWII and helped defeat the original Axis of Evil.

DADT has been studied more than cancer, but the data is finally in. A vast majority of the soldiers, sailors, airmen, and marines said, “big whoop”. The Secretary of Defense and many senior commanders have said – as they have for quite some time – “big whoop”. And the public, which the Tea Baggers and Republicans claim gave them an overwhelmingly clear mandate to do whatever they wanted screamed, “big whoop!” The Republican caucus, a minority of military commanders, and most notably Lindsey “Rentboy” Graham and the world’s most petulant child, John McThuselah, have said, “Not so fast. There’ll be no whooping in my military.”

On this issue – come to think of it, on most issues – McCain has been a major pain in the tuchus. He whined because the 17 gazillion studies that have been done since DADT was enacted just weren’t thorough enough, if by thorough you mean agreed with him. He said he’d gladly go along with repeal once the troops on the ground said, “big whoop”. Not unexpectedly, when confronted by the troops’ Wall of Whoop, his response is, “Whaaaaaaaa! I don’t wanna!”

McCain: Formally Admiral Crybaby
How the hell did such a crybaby survive being a POW? “Wahhh! I want more gruel. Whaaaa! I’m hot, and cold, and hot. Whaaaa! You waterboarded me with a neti pot instead of a towel and bucket. What kind of enhanced interrogator are you?!”

Look, almost every military on Earth, except perhaps Pope Ratzzie’s Swiss Guard, accepts gay people. And like the old saw about masturbation (with apologies to Christine O’Donnell), those that think there are none already there are lying. So far as I know, there has never been a military failure attributable to sexual orientation unless you count drumming out qualified and critically needed translators at just the time we needed them most.

Way to fight the War of Error there Boehner Bitches.

There have been no instances of soldiers running out of the shower tent directly into the groping hands of a TSA agent because someone looked at their junk. Even little old ladies from Pasadena waited until someone took x-rays of their desiccated old vajayjays followed by the most embarrassing crotch grab in history to complain.

AAAAAHHHHH! Look, It’s a Dick
Are you saying that accidentally looking at an underwhelming, soap-lathered dick will cause a top notch military to take up arms and resist the legal orders of Congress and the President – who ought to stop pussyfooting (no pun intended) around and issue? If you do, are you not saying, “These colors never run!” but, “These colors will always run from a comrade they never even knew was gay before they were allowed to ask”? You’re not describing a world class military; you’re describing an extremely well-armed gaggle of unpatriotic, cowardly traitors.”

As a veteran, I for one am as insulted as those in uniform should be.

John Boy, Graham Cracker, Boehner Boys, Senate Leader Yertle, stop turning an issue with as much import to the country as your last 27 anti-flag burning amendments into a holy crusade that allows you to stomp your little wingtips and whine whenever the Democrats’ chiropractor accidentally finds a spine.

I believe you’ve been bragging about that massive mandate you got from the public. A public, BTW, that rates you several points below your craven Democratic colleagues and that sorry excuse for a President across the aisle. Quitcher bitchin’ and do as the vast majority of voters have commanded.

Your behavior is just so, um, gay (apologies to the LGBT community for the insult).

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When Judicial Activists Judge ‘Judicial Activists’


Posted by Omnipotent Poobah

These days any drop of bipartisanship must be savored like the world’s rarest wine. Ironically enough, a wine that’s thoroughly disgusting to voters because there’s so little of it and it’s sourer than vinegar. Senator Lindsey “Nelly Bottom” Graham was the only Republican to throw in the towel and vote for SCOTUS nominee Elena Kagan yesterday. Kagan’s 13-6 escape from the Senate Kangaroodiciary Hearings is about a bipartisan as they come in an environment where one (really) is the Loneliest Number.

Graham’s an unusually magnanimous loser… for a Republican. “What’s in Elena Kagan’s heart is that of a good person who adopts a philosophy I disagree with,” Graham said. “She will serve this nation honorably, and it would not have been someone I would have chosen, but the person who did choose, President Obama, I think chose wisely.” Alas, there was a time when statements like that were normal.

Not now.

Congressional hearings aren’t really hearings, they’re foregone conclusions where the naysayers get to bitch and moan and the triumphant get to do the moonwalk and say, “We win! You lose! It sucks to be you!” The nominees are coached to say as little as humanly possible about how they might decide cases while being subtle enough to blend with the fabric of the chair they are soaking through with sweat.

The past several times around, questions have followed such preset patterns they may just as well have asked the nominee for a form – and not even a notarized form at that.

Republicans, like top Rebumblican Jeff Sessions, have traditionally kvetched about “judicial activists”. That’s code for “someone who I’m going to call a Commie and who doesn’t agree with me.” Oddly, they never seem too concerned about judicial activism when it comes from one of their own.

Scalia, I’m talking about you!

They also like to whine that whatever nominee sits before them will be totally unable to separate personal choices from ones made on the bench. Again, nominees are de facto impartial when they happen to vote the Jeff Sessions line.

By and large, Presidents should be able to choose anyone for the Supreme Court they want, provided they’re minimally qualified for the job (see Harriet Miers). The fact is that all judges are going to be “activist” if they’re doing anything. Laws need to breathe in order to support society and that’s part of what SCOTUS does. If it was as simple as a checklist for subtle Constitutional interpretation, we wouldn’t need a SCOTUS – we’d all agree already

By the same token, none of them will be totally impartial either. People bring who they are, what they know, and how they’ve lived into court with them. Despite Sessions’ great displeasure with Sotomayor’s “wise Latina” quote, these are part of us all and not in an altogether bad way either.

Had Sessions’ actually made it to the bench instead of failing years ago, I’m sure he’d decide against abortion on any case appearing before him. He would do this by bringing in a spring-loaded, prickly, conservative, intolerant white male, demeanor into court with him. I think he’d find it nearly impossible to look “only at the law” as he demands. I’m confident that he couldn’t look at the long history of precedents that have made abortion the law of the land for decades now and not vote only on that law as it stands.

In other words, Sessions’ couldn’t honestly strike down abortion in front of his own court unless he defied the law previously expressed in Supreme Court findings and lower court precedents while simultaneously acting like a judicial activist bent on “changing the(available abortion)  law” as it stands.

Jeff, if you want to see the face of your judicial impartiality and judicial activism look in the mirror. Your dishonest, and frankly troubling, face will be looking back.


Conservatives are Going Commie


Posted by Omnipotent Poobah
NEO-COMMIES? - The Repulicommies must be stopped in the name of Tailgunner Joe!!

NEO-COMMIES? - The Repulicommies must be stopped in the name of Tailgunner Joe!

The American right has a problem with the concept that Nazism is an extreme right-wing position and communism is an extreme left one, often leading them to claim Obama is both. (Note to Wing Nuts: Man up, pick the correct epithet, and stick with it will ya?)

Given this confusion, it isn’t surprising the party of the elephant that forgets everything has apparently gone so far right it’s preferred policies are now simpatico with some well-known leftist countries.

For proof of this 379 degree ideological turn, consider this:

With conservatives embracing so many communist positions, I’m worried for my country. What’s next, Mitch McConnell coming out in support of healthcare reform? Michael Steele quiting the Republicans to lead the Wobblies? Sarah Palin changing her school-marm do? It makes me question their patriotism and I’m left with only one shocking question.

Conservatives, as budding communists why do you hate America so much?

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The GOP: Big Tent or Big Top?


Posted by Omnipotent Poobah
BRING IN THE CLOWNS - Republicans aren't the Party of the Big Tent, they're the party of the Big Top, Unable to address real problems with an answer other than no and constantly dragging out non-issues to deflect the glare.

BRING IN THE CLOWNS - Republicans aren't the Party of the Big Tent, they're the party of the Big Top, unable to address real problems with an answer other than no and constantly dragging out non-issues to deflect the glare.

Bring in the clowns!

Sometimes the Party of the Big Tent™ reminds me of that classic circus act where a plethora of clowns rides in on impossibly small fire engine and slapstick their way to guffaws.

It’s not as if the Democrats don’t have their fair share of boobs and charlatans, but it seems to be a mostly Republican trait to elevate non-issues to the level of insane fetishes.

The list is long: flag burning amendments, consorting with terrorists in Obama’s living room, blabber mouth ministers, and the apparent inability to read birth certificates. However, they really shine on their puffed-up “homosexual agenda”.

Many of the rabid base are as skittish as Don Knotts with a snoot full of coke about gays in the military, wedding chapels, or their own ranks.

For example, Andy Martin, an Illinois GOP Senate hopeful, is repeating a “solid rumor” that his opponent, Rep. Mark Kirk (R-Ill.), is – OMFG! – “a homosexual.”

I’d wager Martin could care less who Kirk beds in the privacy of his own home. But when it comes to politicking, he’s a smart knife-fighter who can smell blood all the way from Chicago to Springfield.

Take his explanation for outing (or not outing) Kirk. “The issue is not homosexuality, the question is hypocrisy,” Martin said. “People are entitled to their privacy, they are not entitled to live public lives in the closet.”

Humina, humina, whaaa? “People are entitled to their privacy,” but not entitled to remain publicly closeted? Aren’t you depriving them of their privacy by outing them?

But more importantly, what in business is it of yours or anyone else”s if he’s a flamboyant Cher look alike or a man minding his own business and being set upon by members of his own party?

To their credit, the Illinois Republican Party did disavow his statement, but I’m sure the bigoted faithful won’t pay much attention and the party probably won’t complain when he wins the nomination. Such is the way of American politics – Karl Rove style.

Big Tent? Nah, more like Big Top.

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