Tag Archives: Republican

12/6/12

Fiscal Cliff: Republicans Will Lose

Montgomery Burns explains the Fiscal Cliff.

So far, I’ve abstained from posts about the Fiscal Cliff or Fiscal Crag or Hoar Frosty Diving Board Into the Socio-Economic Pits of Hell. One, there is chatter enough without me throwing in my rapidly worthless 2 cents. Two, it is the most predictable story in the history of politics. But, let me to throw in at least a cent and a half with the caveat that this post isn’t all about the cliff, but the behavior surrounding the tax hike on the wealthy.

It’s safe to say the Republican party is suffering  bit of internal strife. Their election bid failed for many completely foreseeable reasons, not the least of which was acting like imbeciles led by a candidate who never met  a position he wouldn’t gladly abandon. The Republican intelligentsia, like Bobby Jindal (And let’s face it, how intelligent can your intelligentsia be if Jindal represents it?), keeps trying to tell the Tea Partiers, Grover Grovelers, and Evangelical Loons to cool it. “Psst. They finally caught onto us. Shut up and look smart for a change you guys.” But, they just don’t get it.

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09/24/12

Sex According to Todd Aiken

There are probably hundreds of reasons for teens having sex, but Congressional sex experts, lead by Todd Aiken, sure have their own ideas. Oddly, mentioning the words vagina, sex, and forcible rape don’t seem to be on the list.

The Big Aikenite LIst of Ten Sex

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09/20/12

What Do Mitt Romney and Joe the Plumber Have in Common?

Heeeee's Back: Joe the Plumber

TWO PEAS IN A POD – Joe and Mitt have a lot in common – including running some of the worst campaigns in recent history.

Here’s a burning question. What do Mitt Romney and Joe the Plumber have in common? As it turns out, they are each running the most incompetent political campaigns ever.

Samuel Wurzelbacher, aka Joe the Plumber, is the honest-to-God, official Republican candidate for Ohio’s 9th Congressional District Representative. He opposes 15-term incumbent Democrat Marcy Kaptur. Joe has taken the novel position that the best way to run for Congress is to stay hidden. But not hidden in that Mitt Romney way where you cut a few stump speeches until the heat from your latest gaffe blows over. No, he means really hidden, as in you have to contact him through the country party chair because he doesn’t answer his phone hidden.

Obviously, this does not make the 9th District’s Republican swells happy. And therein lies the first commonality between Mitt and Joe. Their party hates them.

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09/6/12

Conventions and Clint Eastwood: May They Go the Way of the Dodo Bird

Tiny Convention Hat

The Ringling Brothers, Barnum & Barack Show is underway, leaving us all to wonder why we even need conventions – especially if your secret guest speakers are His Eloquency Clint Eastwood and the Imaginary Barack the Kenyan Kommunist. They are outmoded in an instantaneous 24×7 world.

According to the Great Big Screaming Heads, the primary function of the Republican World Lie-a-Thon Champeenships was to introduce Mitt to America. Apparently introducing him is really hard. He’s been running since 2008. Of course, the crazy wing of the party could say incredibly stupid things at exactly the most inopportune times. Party swells cozied up to big donors and assorted cash-laden hangers-on for a little up-close and personal grifting. And, Mittens got to enjoy his favorite political banquet meal…rubber chicken slathered in Dom Perignon caviar sauce served by a brace of virgin Sister Wives.

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08/24/12

Bad Company: The Music of Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan

Romney the Rockstar

Who woulda’ thunk it? Paul Ryan loves Rage Against the Machine. I would have pegged him as a Randy Ayn and the Fountainheads fan or a sucker for Sweet Georgie and the Romneylans. And, all he got for his trouble was a little requited rage from the band and a head scratch from Mittens who is more of a Lawrence Welk Head who occasionally likes to rock out to the Osmonds.

Politicians and musicians always seem to have trouble with each other. The politicos are forever skipping over copyright laws and neglecting ASCAP fees to steal delightful ditties for their campaign songs.

Just last week, Romney panicked and flipped the Silversun Pickups‘ Panic Switch. Over on the Veep side, America’s oldest young man ripped off Twisted Sister’s We’re Not Gonna Take It.

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