It does not take much for many Christians to throw down the Christian Card and declare war on themselves. They loudly point out the freedom of religion clause of the First Amendment. But, many of them read “religion” as synonymous with “Christian” and “freedom” to abridge all other religions and non-theists. The War on Christmas, laws against sharia, and dismissal of rights for non-theists or atheists run hot and are but a few examples of their self-declared “War on Religion (or alternately, Christianity)” . They take the whole Onward Christian Soldiers thing very seriously in the same way the blitzkrieg was serious.
Tag Archives: Religion
I Smell Crapweasles
Proving the Poobah’s posts are prescient, it’s seems the threat to smite the Mormons over posthumous baptisms caused them to collapse into mint jelly and quash the practice.
Maybe.
Mormons! I Smite Thee in the Name of Common Sense
Mormons baptized slain reporter Daniel Pearl
Can I Get on the Mormon “Do Not Baptize” List?
Theists, I appreciate your prayers for my heathen soul, but there’s no need. Really. I’m an atheist. I’m good. And Mormons, posthumous baptism is even more than one step over the line. That’s even more unneeded, creepy, and unwanted – unless you want to modify that whole 72 Muslim virgins thing to a Mormon Unlimited Virgin Plan. I’m a big believer in more virgins at lower prices. It’s proof of the value of free markets.
When I’m dead, I’m dead. You can’t baptize me unless you want to bless an unholy ooze of font water, ashes, and genealogical records that artificially boost the number of Mitt’s Minions on the books. Second, even though I’ll be dead, I find it offensive while I’m still here. I own the copyright on myself in perpetuity and will defend it vigorously.
Posthumous baptism is no academic exercise. Moroni’s Acolytes recently transplanted Nazi-hunter Simon Wiesenthal’s parents from Judaism to Mormonism. It’s not the first time Joseph Smith’s gardeners pulled Jews up by the roots and carried them to the Zion Botanical Garden of Eden either.
The church has been sued several times over their ecumenical necrophilia and each time they’re caught, it’s always the same chapter and verse. They throw one of their own fontheads to the heathenous hordes by explaining he’s just an overzealous mailroom Warren Jeffs with a hankerin’ for more Mormon ghosts milling around with too much time on their hands. Each time they lay the blame, tithe the damage awards, and seemingly go back to doing what they do best – creating jobs by buying Schwins for the White Shirt/Black Tie Army. But, they always seem to reemerge like a reliable grasshopper plague.
Clearly, the LDS Church isn’t anti-Semitic. As far as I know, they’ve never picked on anyone other than Jews and Christians who don’t believe New York Native Americans are a lost, wandering tribe of Jews. However, they seem to discriminate against Muslims, Atheists, and other religions apparently under the belief we are too far gone to pull from the burning fires of a hell fueled by untaxed 10% tithes. After all, they wouldn’t want to damage the tires of all those missionary bikes. Inner tubes are expensive and stink when they burn. Being good, non-cultish citizens, they wouldn’t want to stir up the EPA.
This is exactly the sort of thing that causes violence between religions. One would think the Mormons would know something about that after they were chased coast to almost coast to escape a never-ending string of massacres by and against outsiders.
I’m proud to say there are no records of Atheist-on-Mormon homicide either. There probably weren’t enough of us in the 1800s to pull together a tar and feather brigade.
I think religions are being too soft on these shenanigans by merely accusing Mormons of running a cult. I’m thinking more along the lines of the swipe of a 2X4 to the head of these poor, misguided geneologists. Something to get their attention if you will.
Say it with me, “I smite thee in the name of common sense you moron(i).”
Related articles
- Jewish Community Outraged By Posthumous Mormon Baptism Of Nazi Hunter Simon Wiesenthal’s Parents (alan.com)
- Mormons apologise for baptism blunder (freethinker.co.uk)
- Mormon Baptism Controversy Threatens Romney (npr.org)
- Mormons Still Baptizing Dead Jews (thedailybeast.com)
- Mormon Church Apologizes for Performing ‘Baptism For The Dead’ Ritual On Jews (crooksandliars.com)
- Romney Keeps Mum on Mormon Baptism of Jews – Pressure builds to respond to baptism of Nazi-hunter’s parents (tribuneofthepeople.com)
- Why do Mormons baptize the dead? (wilmingtonfavs.com)
- Daniel Pearl posthumously baptized in Mormon rite (jta.org)
- Slain journalist Daniel Pearl posthumously baptized by Mormon church: reports (news.nationalpost.com)
- Posthumous Baptisms (volokh.com)
- After Anne Frank baptism, Mormons vow to discipline members (religion.blogs.cnn.com)
Related articles
- Daniel Pearl posthumously baptized in Mormon rite (jta.org)
- Slain journalist Daniel Pearl posthumously baptized by Mormon church: reports (news.nationalpost.com)
- Posthumous Baptisms (volokh.com)
- After Anne Frank baptism, Mormons vow to discipline members (religion.blogs.cnn.com)
God Needs a Better PR Team
GOD WANTS LOW WAGES – Pay them nothing and they will teach.
I’ve only half-joked for years that God really needs a better PR team here in the temporal world. Some of the most log-headed charlatans, grifters, and just plain logically-challenged people claim to speak on His behalf. Pat Robertson, Ted Haggard, and the ethically inept Newt Gingrich are just a few who work non-stop to tarnish God’s image.
Randomness: Sex Terms for Dummies
Michele Bachmann may have dropped out but Rick “Governor Goodhair” Perry is still inexplicably hanging on in the GOP race. And, Mitt the Mormon keeps mouthing weak-assed religious platitudes to anyone goofy enough to listen to him. However, he is careful about how loudly he delivers them lest someone pick up the cult meme again.
Newt GingGrinch has gone back to being an evil-tempered heathen because, really, who ever believed his new found piousness anyway? Ron Paul never was on the God train because he’s too busy just being a damn weird Keebler Elf. And that other Mormon guy, what’s is name? Hunter? Huntmeister? Oh yeah, Jon “Missing an H” Huntsman is too far away from the microphone for anyone to hear what he’s saying.
Whatever happens to these goobs, Rick Santorum is still leading the Change of the Christian Brigade. No one would describe Rick as sex-savvy, so he’ll need some help talking to the non-Fundy voters out there. Herewith: Sex Terms for Dummies.
51 Words for Vagina
51 Words for Penis
51 Words for Anal Sex (A Santorum Favorite)
Related articles
- The Omnipotent Poobah speaks about politics, religion, humor, and randomness (omnipotentpoobah.com)
- Neil J. Young: Lessons from Iowa’s Evangelicals (huffingtonpost.com)
- Rick Santorum’s Homophobia Problem – Beacon Broadside (beaconbroadside.com)
- For Mitt Romney, ‘Mormon Factor’ Could Still Hold Down His Iowa Vote (huffingtonpost.com)
- You Know What You Can Do in The Guardian? (slog.thestranger.com)
- Sex and Santorum – Paul Krugman (tribuneofthepeople.wordpress.com)
- Rick Santorum Argues with Students About Same-Sex Marriage and Polygamy: VIDEO (towleroad.com)
- Sarah Palin “respects” Rick Santorum because of his religion (americablog.com)
- Rick Santorum Dogged by Google Problem and It’s His Fault: Expert (towleroad.com)
- Only in America: South Carolina, Romney, Santorum, Mormons and Catholics (blogs.jta.org)
- Mitt Romney Making Use Of Santorum’s Google Problem (lezgetreal.com)
- Rick Santorum: “I’m Getting to Know You” (goodolewoody.wordpress.com)
- Can Rick Santorum Keep Up The Momentum? (theamericanteaman.com)
- WATCH: Jon Stewart Shocked By Rick Santorum Surge (huffingtonpost.com)
