GRIZZLED CRONE(ISM) - Yeah kid, that was my first reaction too.

The Master List

• As it turns out, terrorists weren’t the only things that scared the crapola out of Americans during the 2000s.
• Now Appearing: Ted Zeppelin, the world’s first Led Zeppelin tribute band made up entirely of men named Ted.
• A bad economy isn’t conducive workplace efficiency.
• So many candidates and so little time.
• Reliving 2009 a second time won’t make it any better.
• Signs of the times.
• Yeah, Vista would be right up there for me too.
• The Big Book of Fail.
• No, I’d believe they exist.

Believe It or Not

• Sometimes I just wonder why people do what they do and then I sit back and enjoy the ride.
• Shortly thereafter, Google paid $16 billion for the bird with hopes of dominating the global bird crap market. Market analysts weren’t impressed with the deal.
• What a deal!
• There was no room at the inn, so they moved down the street to the Motel 666.
• The only sane response you can have about the year 2009.
• Tiger Woods gets a picture of his life at 84.
• Yeah, brussels sprouts have the same effect on me.
• Everything may be larger in Texas, but some things are stinkier in Maryland.
• Well it was gas, just a different kind than they were thinking.
• President Obama thought Janet Napolitano had gone just a little over the top with her new security precautions.
• Henrick was pleased with it until a terrorist commandeered his sidecar and strafed LAX.
• The alleged terrorist apparently had concealed the bomb in his pants disguised as either a penis or a large sausage.
• Hollywood Reporter Headline: MiLo Kicks Krap Out of Krack!
• And the question is – what do Kim Kardashian and Ashton Kutcher do all day?
• Ladies, send all letters of complaint to the People’s Republic of China, 1310 Evil Empire Dr, Beijing China.
• Goin’ green in the pink.
• Yeah, this can’t be good for you.
• See, now that’s where I got it wrong. I did try it with a badger.
  

  TEN HUT! - Sgt. Rocky was a fine soldier.

• Stash ridin’ down at the Bonanza Jellybean Ranch.
• Black Friday: Any day you choose to imprison yourself  in one of these temples of excess.
• Boldly naked where no man has been naked before.
• A photo that proves 14-year old boys will hit just about anything.
• It would seem a bark-off would be needed to settle the issue.
• So that’s what they mean by a “working vacation“.
• “He may have been under the influence of drugs.” Ya think Starsky? What was your first clue?
• Friends don’t let friends paint with Starbucks.
• You can use a rock as a hammer, but you’ll bend a lot of nails.
• What has the world come to when a celebrity can’t even stop in for an emergency supply of motion lotion.
• Note to the Midwest and Eastern Seaboard – quityerbitchin’.
• The first girl will be none other than Miss Miley Cyrus.
• Quick Robin, to the Bat Boat!
• The only one who failed was named Dubya.
• I know the first thing I want to do in the morning is rap.
• AFLAC!

Japan Dominates the Global Market of Weird

• Although Jimmy was just a tourist visiting the strip club, he noticed right away that something was desperately wrong on stage.
• Another Tiger Woods mistress turns up during the Tokyo Open.
• Sometimes the Japanese aren’t clear about the concept of Western holidays.
• Sal9000 needs to get a real name and get out of the office a little more often. Thanks to Ari Cohn.
• OK, now that’s just disturbing.
• Suddenly, the Geico gecko felt inadequate.
• To infinity and beyonnnnnnd!
• Let the gluttony begin!

Reasons to Be an Atheist

• Cheer up comrades, it’s no worse than the pink elephants you see flying round the old vodka bottle.
• Let’s throw anotha bahnahnah on the bahbee.
• A new Christian reality show that depicts the true gospels.
• Geraldine was a devout member of the Church of What’s Happening Now.
• In their defense,  Johnie Lee is a very liberal Klansman.

New Fangled Gadgets for a New Decade

• Jim was as Snuggie as a Fudgie in a Tuggie.
• The thieves thought their victim was wearing a pair of Brief Safes until they noticed that the skid marks looked remarkably real.
• Home of the Xtreme appletini.
• This stuff could easily spell a come-back by Barry Bonds.
• There’s a reason most concept cars don’t make it to the showroom.
• I want that!
• The Winnebago set gets a hard-on.
• The only problem was that the airbags kept deploying.

Robot – From the Czech ‘Robotnik’, Meaning Insane

• Wooo Hooo! Let’s party like it’s 2009!
• A Jesus robot? Of course, why didn’t they think about it before?
• Is that the sound of a worldwide orgasm?

Related articles

• More Randomness (omnipotentpoobah. com)
• 2010 resolutions, predictions, etc. (RexBlog.com)
• Janet Napolitano’s Advice? Fly Naked! (barbarany_9.blogspot.com)