The Barack Obama faithful are enthusiastically lining up behind their man even as a healthy heap of Democrats and moderates are either going elsewhere or sitting on the fence. It’s early yet, but polls already show Obama making few inroads against a gaff-prone, non-committal, out of touch boob of a pandermeister. That is not a good thing, early or not.
Anyone who denies there are big flaws in our military’s procurement practices is light on scruples and probably the CEO of, say, Boeing (among others)… or maybe both.
Anyone who believes that if America had no military the world would live in peace and harmony is suffering from dementia. There’s always disagreement over the list of bad guys, but make no mistake, there are creatively evil people out there. Like it or not, America needs a military that can defend and support our interests. The problem is how we buy it.
- The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks about crapweasels, humor, and politics (omnipotentpoobah.com)
- The Herman Cain Presidential Ad By Mike Tyson (dayandadream.com)
- Cain defends against harassment allegations (seattletimes.nwsource.com)
- Reverse Racism: GOP Needs Cain’s Blackness (usnews.com)
- Why Media Bashing Won’t Save Cain (andrewsullivan.thedailybeast.com)
- Cain camp admits false claim about reporter (cbsnews.com)
- Cain campaign: We’re sticking with Mark Block (hotair.com)
- Herman Cain’s Accuser Hopeful Others Will Come Forward (usnews.com)
- Herman Cain Says He Doesn’t Know His Accuser (usnews.com)
- Mike Tyson as Herman Cain (theatlantic.com)
- Cain apologizes – kind of – for ‘Princess Nancy’ (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com)
OK, I admit it. I’m not a US citizen. I’ll never be President. I’ll be a permanent member of the no-fly list and my phone will be constantly bugged. Jan Brewer will kick me out of the country because I have no papers proving who I am or where I was born. I’m very disappointed to find I’m some sort of exotic, white “anchor baby“.
Note to self: Avoid Arizona.
Now I know what it’s like to be Barack Hussein Obama – if that is indeed his real name.
Family legend says I was born in Elkins, WV. But sorting through my personal papers I was unable to find a real birth certificate bearing the imprint of Orly Taitz‘s signet ring in wax. In fact, I don’t even have a pitiful “Certificate of Live Birth” like Obama’s. All I have is a scrap of paper looking as though it’s been ripped from a ship’s log. All it says is, “A kid was born just off the coast of Somalia during our last pirate takeover. Don’t know his name. Not sure of the date, but it wasn’t long ago. But this is all the proof he needs to show he was actually born. He’ll probably grow up to be a liberal communist anyway.” It was signed and Ensign Hikaru Hussein Sulu.
That Newt Gingrich is a passionate man is without question. He’s a more passionate man than Charlie Sheen, and that, that my friends is a whole lotta passion bein’ stirred.
Newt’s been passionate about defending marriage from the awful scourge of people who love one another. So passionate, in fact, he separated with one wife while she was undergoing cancer treatment, to marry his high school sweetheart – who was also his geometry teacher…with whom he’d been having an affair for 6 years. That’s OK though, he divorced the schoolmarm for Wife Number 3 all on the up-and-up. Watch out ladies! Is that a foursome I see hovering in the background? Newt is, after all a passionate guy.
He’s passionate about other things too. For example, he’s passionate about BJs. Of course, he condemned Clinton for this. But, it’s different if you come by your BJ honestly, like Newt does – by innocently walking down the street and being surprised to trip and find his pecker has fallen into a woman’s mouth. Passionate stuff that.
But, he’s saved his biggest passion for his country. This patriot, by his every act, word, and deed, found himself so in love with Lady Liberty that he toiled for long hours grifting donors, lobbying lobbyists, and squeezing in the odd Contract on America that he broke down . He strayed. He divorced wives. Yes, he presumably even got illicit BJs. All for the taste of sweet, sweet liberty.
Ahhh, but the sweet smell of Lady Labia’s Liberty’s essential fluids also delivered him from his decadence and landed him on CBN describing his conversion and salvation through Catholicism – a religion uniquely qualified to cater to the passions of his ilk.
And now, Brother Newt, friend of God, and passionate of unzipped pant, bellows to the rafters, “HALLELUJAH! PRAISE ST. RONNIE OF REAGAN! – THE PATRON SAINT OF TEA PARTIERS WANTS ME TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT!”
“I am but a mere vessel of Reagan conservatism to use as St. Ronnie knows my destiny will surely take me. Oh, and log on to newt.org to contribute. Visa and MasterCard welcome.”
Now let’s hope that those hooligan journalists don’t ask him the most salient question…
If being a Congressman drove you to such passion that you lost your mind and fornicated like a Viagraized Easter Bunny, how will you fare being the much more passionately pressurized President.
Inquiring ex-wives want to know.
- How Newt Gingrich Misplaced His Member (esquire.com)
- Newt Gingrich: I Cheated On My Wife Because I Was So Busy Trying To Impeach Clinton (oliverwillis.com)
- Gingrich: “I Only Regret That I Have but Three Wives to Lose for My Country” (slog.thestranger.com)
- GOP Doesn’t Care About Newt Gingrich’s Tawdy Personal Life…He’s EXCITING (businessinsider.com)
- The Eye of a Newt (zwingliusredivivus.wordpress.com)
- The Passion of the Newt (latinone.wordpress.com)
- Newt Gingrich: Sorry for the confusing presidential announcement… (shortformblog.tumblr.com)
- Chris Matthews Suggests Newt Gingrich’s Hand Gestures Are Religious (mediaite.com)