Randomness: Osama bin Layin’ Style

Mammoth Boobs

CHARMING CHELSEY CHARMS - Great googly mogglies! Click photo for more >>

In Memorial to Osama bin Laden’s Porn Collection

Clearly Not the Sharpest Tools in the Knife Block

The Politics of the Insane

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Our World has Changed Forever and It’s Not Coming Back

On September 1, 2001 a gaggle of terrorists – at least one of whom spent his last night on Earth drinking demon rum while ogling strippers – caught the early flight out of Portland , ME. The rest, as they say, is history.

When the dust settled George W. Bush grabbed a megaphone, climbed atop some rubble, threw his arm around a fireman, and gave a fiery speech about truth, justice, and the American way. The good ol’ boy fireman hug was a bit over-the-top, but otherwise it was the perfect thing to rally a country on edge and staring into a bottomless pit of C4.

It also marked the last time I agreed with just about anything he said and the last time there was any semblance of civility in the political process.

At the time, every pundit and politician talked about how the attacks were game-changers. The most oft-heard phrase was, “Our world has changed forever.”

That sure turned out a gross understatement.

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Palin’s Monday Morning Leak Plugging

Sarah Sez

THE TWIT TWITTERS - When is a massive security leak the same thing as a pre-publication book leak? When Sarah Palin is involved.

The world’s new infant terrible, WikiLeaks head Julian Assange, is the water cooler topic this week for dropping 250,000 secret State Dept. documents on an unsuspecting populace. There’s no dearth of analysis of the documents. There are numerous pieces citing the most damaging documents and lots of embarrassing sniping like thinking Hamid Karzai is an incompetent pootiehead – a “revelation” that could hardly be called a secret.

Opinions about whether the leak was a good thing or bad thing depend largely on where you stand. Journalists don’t necessarily say Assange was right, they mostly just concentrate on mining the information for interesting bits for reportage. Politicians and diplomats are foursquare against it since the cables are embarrassing and potentially dangerous. As usual, the public is schizophrenic.

Unless you’re a complete pollyana that believes all governments are intrinsically good and that speaking publically and directly between countries is always the right strategy, you miss the point that there are bad guys out there – sometimes even including the US. To deal with the bad guys, a certain amount of secrecy, spying, and circumspect diplomacy is required.

But not all secrets are created equal.

Not All Secrets are Created Equal
The government frequently classifies information more tightly than is probably warranted. After all, classifying secrets is a subjective task. I’m sure the leaks reveal some of these over-protected facts, but that’s not necessarily a reason to release them. Some are things the public has a right to know, others are better kept quiet. In other words, The Big Dick™ keeping his appointment calendars secret surely carries less weight – some would say no weight at all – than a memo revealing nuclear launch codes, but that’s “above our pay grade”.

You Betcha!

You betcha!

Once the leaks are in the open, journalists are faced with their own dilemma – report on them thereby expanding their dissemination or keep mum even though the information represents a horse that has already escaped the barn. There are points to both positions.

The public is of both minds, although both minds probably read the leaks with interest and sometimes amusement – even the folks who are against the release. They’re like people who go to NASCAR races and swear they aren’t there to see the crashes.

Then in our present rancorosity, charges, counter-charges, rumor, and fact congeal into a dirty mess. Sarah Plain leads this camp. Big surprise here, she thinks Obama is an incompetent boob who let it happen. She trumpets that the administration should be pursuing Assange like Osama Bin Laden. She also thinks Assange is a traitor, apparently unaware that he is Australian so if there is any treason, it’s between him and the Land Down Under.

In fact, Obama is ultimately responsible because it happened on his watch, but that doesn’t mean his response is any more incompetent than Sarah’s would be in the unlikely event she was in Obama’s shoes.

Spying and leaks are notoriously difficult to detect beforehand. Normally, the culprit either needs to be the incompetent one or the information has to leave the building before you even know there’s a problem. To one degree or another, this has happened to every administration. The Obaminites already have Army Specialist Bradley Manning in custody and is conducting additional investigations to catch any new culprits and tighten security.

Hunting down Assange like the second coming of the Cave Dweller might sound all mavericky, but it isn’t necessary. Sweden has a detention order out for him and his lawyer has regular contact with him. Finding him using the investigative power of the entire western world shouldn’t be that hard. Heck, we could even send The Big Dick™ or his sock puppet George out to waterboard the lawyer to find Assasnge.

Legal Remidies are Never Quick
The administration isn’t letting the legal issue go away. AG Eric Holder is conducting an “active, ongoing criminal investigation” into the leak. However, it’s not clear exactly what the US can do legally to apprehend and prosecute an Australian who may be in Sweden and is already in legal hot water there not to mention the other countries looking for his crapulent hide. Legal remedies are never quick, especially with multiple countries involved.

As for freezing funds, the US can’t freeze funds elsewhere or as is likely in this case protected or hidden, without the legal help of those countries. Besides, I’m not sure anyone knows how much WikiLeaks or Assange has.

Does the Obama adminsitration deserve criticism for what has happened? Yes, it happened on their watch, just like 9/11 happened to the last administration’s. Do things need to be changed? Yes, there always are when something happens and you find holes in what you’re doing. Has the administration been slow on the uptake? Yes, but probably not any more so than similar problems happening in earlier administrations.

Assange says his next docudump is on a large US bank (rumored to be Bank of America).  Once this one comes around will Obama again be at fault or accused of some nefarious plan to intentionally cause the leaks as some have charged this time? I suspect so, but we’ll see. Miracles do happen, but there are some who believe Obama is some sort of Machiavellian schemer who “hates America”, which would seem to be at direct odds with the same people who think he’s too incompetent to tie his shoes.

The truth is none of us know what he’s doing or will do or how fast he will do it. At this point, it’s a secret.

You know, that thing he is supposed to be unable to keep.

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You Know You Might Be a Moderate If…

Moderate Voter

THE AMERICAN POLITICAL PROCESS - What the hell, it's as good a reason as any. It's not like it means anything.

This is the last installment in our You Know You Might Be a (Fill in the Blank) If series. If you missed Parts 1 and 2, don’t forget to read:

You know you might be a moderate if you:

  • Are part of the undecided vote in every poll.
  • Wish you could vote by remote control so you wouldn’t have to miss a minute of Real Housewives of Cincinnati.
  • Only vote every third election, regardless of what kind of election it is or what kinds of initiatives are on the ballot.
  • Know so little about candidates that you vote for whoever appears at the top of the ballot.
  • Still vote for Pat Paulson just to piss off the real politicians.
  • You think the three branches of government are dumb, dumber, and dumbest.
  • You think Supreme Court decisions are based on rationality or fairness rather than the Constitution.
  • You think Congress sucks, but every time you see something screwed up you say, “There oughta be a law…”
  • You think that voters can vote on the constitutionality of laws.
  • Vote the way the last campaign worker outside the polls told you to.
  • Will only cast your vote if it doesn’t “cancel out” your spouse’s.
  • Find punch card ballots advanced technology.
  • Think all out war is justifiable until you find out how many people get killed and how much it costs.
  • You watch Katie Couric, Brian Williams, or Jay Leno for all your news.
  • Don’t watch the Daily Show because you don’t get the jokes.
  • Don’t realize the Daily Show is a comedy show.
  • Can’t drive a stick shift.
  • Love the in-depth articles in USA Today.
  • Are for something before you are against something, right after you were for it and against it simultaneously.
  • Are annoyed that ballots aren’t in multiple choice format.
  • Don’t know who Sarah Palin is.
  • When you find out who she is, you think you could vote for her because she has an honest face.
  • Think taxes are too high while voting for high-ticket ballot initiatives.
  • Don’t understand why they haven’t been able to find that Osama Bin Laden fella after all these years.
  • Don’t recognize the names Mitch McConnell, Harry Reid, or Nancy Pelosi, but can name all the judges and contestants to ever appear on So You Think You Can Dance.
  • Were going to vote, but hadn’t heard about it being election day.
  • Complain vociferously about policies and elected officials while ignoring the fact you didn’t vote.
  • Believe in term limits so you won’t have to vote as often.
  • Hate it when a Presidential address comes on and “ruins my shows”.
  • You carry more than $25,000 on your credit card and don’t understand how long it will take to pay it off in minimum payments.
  • You think the answer to paying off the debt on one credit card can be reduced by transferring it all to a new credit card with a 0.1% lower APR.
  • Can’t balance a checkbook (although this could also be equally true for liberals and conservatives).
  • Think war is imminent when a story appears saying the Pentagon has a war plan for invading North Korea without realizing they have constantly updated plans for every country on Earth…including Canada.
  • Think the mainstream media is too liberal.
  • Think the mainstream media is too conservative.
  • Think the mainstream media is both too conservative and too liberal at the same time.
  • Don’t know what the terms liberal and conservative mean.
  • Never read newspapers, magazines, or watch the news.
  • Complain Congress is made up of fat cats while voting for CEOs whose previous experience was turning their former companies into smoking holes in the ground while collecting a severance package greater than the GDP of Guatemala.
  • Complain about unions while taking time off from your 40-hour a week job to get company-supplied medical treatment for the black lung and crushed leg you got in a non-union coal mine.
  • Complain about executive compensation, but follow the company’s voting recommendation when the proxy statement for your 3 shares of AT&T shows up.
  • Thought Ted Stevens gave an enlightening explanation of the tubes and trucks that make up the Internet.
  • Spend a lot of time playing war-based video games while being undecided about Iraq and Afghanistan.
  • Couldn’t form an opinion if your life depended on it.
  • Don’t remember to mail in your absentee ballot until 3 months after the election after finding it in the junk drawer in your kitchen.
  • Appreciate the points from both right and left, but can’t vote because the positions seem so similar.
  • Think all Congressional votes are based on a simple majority.
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