The Thrill of Victory, the Agony of Da Feet
- “And the silver metal for the 500 meter Dumbass Race goes to DAVID MOELLER!”
- You do have to admit, it’s more physically demanding than curling.
- “…and the well-equipped team from Germany is poised to take the gold.”
- Suddenly, the Canadian team found it was a bad idea to bring the cheerleaders along.
- Curling was a new event for them, but the Japanese team was out to prove they were a force to be reckoned with.
- Frank always felt a little dirty after watching figure skating.
- Look at the gold on Lindsay!
Robots in Search of a Reason
- Where the hell was this droid when we were trying to top China in the Olympic ping pong event?
- Sure, these robots are cool if by cool you mean elf-lords with thick glasses and pocket protectors.
- Bottoms up, it’s the Android Olympics.
- I’m flabbergasted. There are “cons” to a robot army?
Consumerism: The Oil for Humanity’s Third Wheels
- Was it not enough to have your ex-girlfriend’s name tattooed on your chest by Spike, your cellmate at San Q.?
- The perfect accessory to go with your Flobee.
- Watch your “As Seen on TV” product appear on TV“.
- I hear the Duck Fetus Egg Grand Slam at Denny’s is superb.
- I mean really, who DOESN’T need a spare cat in case of emergency?
- Buster found it was a great rug until he tugged at one of the strings.
- You should see the ones at the Big & Tall Men’s shop.
- PETA would be so proud.
- Bill and Janet bought the green whip because they only wanted to hurt each other, not the environment.
- You can catch more flies with honey hummus.
What the Hell is Wrong With People?
- No shit?!
- Susan Sarandon is one klassy broad.
- John always held to the quite sane view that he would never put anything more flammable than a Q-Tip in his ear.
- Defibrillators do seem like a sane move in a country filled with rich, fat, white bankers when you come to think about it.
- As airlines go, Air Canada’s “no-stink” policy was a bit draconian.
- “Yeah, we gotta bun, some mustard, and an app for that.”
- Yeah, I agree. I wouldn’t ask and hope Bill O’Reilly wouldn’t tell.
- In his research, Professor Bob was never amazed by the broad spectrum of sexual fetishes he found at the Hush Puppy store.
- CNN – The World’s Most Kinky Network.
- Orly only went to the UN after asking the Obama administration for asylum. Oddly, they didn’t agree.
COPS! Live with the Men and Women of Law Enforcement
- Warrant? Warrant”? We don’t need no stinkin’ warrant.
- Two more condoms and they would’ve had to use an actual mule to carry the drugs.
- It may stop bullets, but you can kick it over pretty easily.
- Man bites dog. Apparently, too much Starbucks coffee is to blame.
- “Bacon rustlers strike British pub! Film at 11!”
- It was just another 2 am at the Waffle House.
Nowhere Else to Go
- Global warming is causing the planet to bleed!
- Remember, it’s not true until you read it in the National Enquirer Pravda.
- The scent of irony was palpable in the air.
Japan, Land of the Weirdly Rising Sun
- “Break me off a piece of that Kat Kat bar…”
- Why am I slightly terrified, yet aroused, by these women?
- I try all the time, but I can never get the hang of the damn things.
- More Randomness (omnipotentpoobah.com)
- Just Like Mombot Used to Make (nytimes.com)
- The Olympics Sap-o-Meter: Falling in a winter blunderland. (slate.com)
- Bill Nye Schools Bill O’Reilly in Climate Change (Video) (treehugger.com)
- Olbermann To O’Reilly: Stop ‘Stroking Yourself In Front of the Public’ (newsbusters.org)
- Gawker.TV: The Five Best Videos Ever of the Day [Roundups] (gawker.com)
- The Sexual Lives of News Anchors: A Guide [Field Guide] (gawker.com)
- Last-place ski jumpers impress Calgary school (cbc.ca)