Old Spice Archives | The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

WALKING THROUGH FIRE - OK, I've thought long and hard about this caption and I have to tell you, I got bupkis. Click photo for more >>

Just Because They’re Robots Doesn’t Mean They Can’t Feel

Hey, I’d charge $45K for a robot too if it was designed to be shot at.
Mother’s Day is coming. You might want to give FTD a jingle and ask for the Mombot Special.
Just in case you drop your straw on the floor at McDonalds‘ Playland, you can rest assured it’ll be safely and sanitarily returned to your drink, untouched by human hands.
Not only have you bounced a check, but you also must suffer the indignity of being led to a teller by a robot the can probably balance a checkbook better than you.
OK, if you’re visiting deadly outback on a regular enough basis to need your own robot for safety, perhaps you should simply look into trips to Manhattan instead.
Finally, someone who truly understands the desires of hardcore gamers.
You know when the world’s a-changin’ when the Togolese join the Robo-Race.
Now we know how they made those weird mouths on Clutch Cargo.

List of Lists

From the NY Times Bestseller List, How to Sh*t in the Woods. You know, just in case you’re guanally impaired. Really gaunally impaired.
Brendan agreed with the list that giant hairballs are pretty horrifying when your cheetah hocks them on the living room rug.
Ten weird wrestlers, yet neither Hulk Hogan nor Jesse “The Body” Ventura made it.

Things That Make You Want to Reconsider the Whole Capitalism Thing

Just what the world needs, a “mood-matching toilet tissue boutique“.
Panties guaranteed to piss off PETA.
I’m not sure most Dads are in the right demographic to get Old Spice for Dad’s Day.
Legendary? It’s legendary? Nah, Truck Nutz? Those are legendary.
Sure it’s depressing, but kids are like dogs. You have to train them early to not crap in their cubicle.
Finally, the reason drug prices are so high.

Crap Just Too Weird to Make Up

POODLEY POOP - Final proof that some people should never be allowed to have dogs. Click photo for more >>

The Annual Salmon Slap-a-Thon was not one of PETA’s more successful fund raisers.
You know your boyfriend is just a wee bit controlling when…
Clearly, none of these places are in Zagat’s.
See, it just doesn’t pay to have sex without the safety on. Perhaps they should’ve just used Wii Sex instead.
I only feel Playboy for the stories.
After years of research, doctors discovered the embarrassing fact that cancer is actually caused by a chemical that activates when a patient fears getting cancer.
Ultimately, the visual aid proved a failure because it lacked arms to grab the husband’s nuts in a vice-like grip and scream, “YOU DID THIS TO ME!“
Things the Quaker Oat guy never said…but wished he had. (Just a smidgen of strong language. Hey, this guy ain’t no Wilford Brimley.)
“Doctor, will I ever be able to play the piano again?” No, but you’ll speak damn fine German, or Chinese, take your pick.
Well of course he wanted his bullet back – the guy’s name is Billy Joe.
Barbie is pretty hot, especially if she’s “forbidden fruit“. (Always Aroused Girl)
If John Ashcroft could lose his Senate seat to a corpse, it’s a piece of cake to lose the mayoral election in Tracy City, TN.
You should see the duet where she sings Moon River with Andy Williams. (Dave Away From Home)
In more moon news… (Dave Away From Home)
Hmm, I wonder how the restaurant owner feels about same sex pet adoption?