Tag Archives: obama

Randomness: Modern Life Style


Posted by Omnipotent Poobah

Update Anna Chapman video from Russian Maxim

Modern Life

Warning, Japanese Ahead

Boneheaded Boners

Selling Refrigerators to Eskimos

Robotnators

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Kudlow: You Can Hug and We Won’t Ask, If You Don’t Tell


Posted by Omnipotent Poobah
The Huggy Bear

DON'T ASK, DON'T HUG - "I tell you, I did not hug that man, Jim Cramer! But, I'm game if he is."

First, it was the terrorist fist bump between the POTUS and FLOTUS. Then came that scandalous bow to the Saudi King. Now, we have the bro hug between Rahm Emanuel and Obama. Could these complaints GET any dumber? It’s like a freakin’ dispute over flag pins … on steroids.

CNBC goob, Larry “Loud Suit” Kudlow, has found it inexcusable that the two shared a hug when Emanuel left the White House. His complaint was that the hug was somehow unpresidential – unlike the double-cheeked smooches every other potentate in the world unloads onto a shocked worldwide audience.

The Huggy Twins!

NEWS FLASH! - Bush and McCain embolden al Queda to launch attacks.

Was it as unpresidential as the time the Pretzel Choker-in-Chief locked himself in a room during a trip to China and then mugged it up for the cameras? Or, how about the time he gave the unwanted back rub to Angela Merkel or carried on discussions with his willing dupe, Tony Blair, while open-mouthed chomping a dinner roll in a blizzard of French bread crumbs? Bush had the manners of a cowboy – a cowboy born in a barn in a cradle of horse apples at that. I heard rumors he farted at state dinners and followed up with the old, “the one who smelled it, dealt it” gambit too.

Remember folks, you heard it here first.

Now I know that Big Screaming Heads like Kudlow aren’t subject to the same stringent rules under which Presidents labor. If they were, the markets would collapse every time they screamed their inane “financial” analysis over top of every guest the crapweasels host.

Hey, wait a minute! They did collapse! KUDLOOOOOOOOWWWWWWW!

As long as we’re going with the insulting stupid, what about Kudlow’s clothes? Bravo needs to reprise an episode of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy to get the sartorially challenged asscake some help. Those horizontal striped ties go so well with his Mafioso striped suits. He looks like a damn TV test pattern.

Have you seen him in HD? It’s a truly frightening experience in the same way IMAX theatres make people bilious.

Kudlow, it’s time for you to learn to luv the hug. It’s time for you to troop over and visit that other offensive CNBC jackwad, Jim Cramer.

Here’s my boffo idea for ending each segment. When Cramer stops his crack-induced diatribes, and after he’s shut off the bull grunts, bear growls, cowbells, and explosions – hug him. Just a little. Maybe a hug combined with a manly handshake or perhaps an NFL-style butt grab. Then, glory in it. Feel the freedom? Feel the tender moment of true friendship? It’s OK even if you feel a little wood – a twig really, nothing ostentatious that would clash with your suit.

If you try it just once, I know you’ll like it.

Then again, humanity isn’t your game, is it?

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Keeping a Flip-Flop on the Throat of BP


Posted by Omnipotent Poobah
Fish Flops

JACKBOOTS OR FLIP FLOPS? - The government's vow to "keep a boot" on BP's neck enraged the Conservosphere and turned out to be more like "a flip flop" on BPs neck anyway. Now neither side wants to talk about it.

Back when the Gulf Oil Disaster was only an oily sheen in the public’s eye, White House flak Robert Gibbs pledged the Obamites would, “keep a boot on the throat” of BP to ensure they did what they repeatedly have pledged – “do the right thing”.

At the time, the Conservasphere went ballistic at the White House employing such, “over heated rhetoric, half-truths, and down right distortions” to hold BP accountable. I experienced some of the same vitriol from free marketeers for my post, “The Gulf of Gelatinous Goo and the Tarball Etouffee” and I saw several other similar posts and comment threads too. The fact that Obama’s jackboot to the throat turned out to be more like a stomp administered by a 6-year old using her Hello Kitty flip flops doesn’t seem to have mattered much.

BP Overcome By a Huge Run of Bad Luck
The long and short of the free market cum Teabagger rhetoric revolved around the curious opinion that BP – apparently like every other corporation on the planet – was merely a good corporate citizen overcome by a huge run of bad luck, over-regulation, and the public’s unreasonable desire to dismantle the American economic system oil barrel by oil barrel. In other words, BP was getting a raw deal and if only left alone, would use a firm, earnest handshake and the power of the marketplace to correct and fully atone for what it had wrought.

So how’s that working out for you guys now?

Let’s forget for the moment that Tony “I Want My Life Back” Hayward more than rivalled Gibbs’ words  in their dumbness and sometimes faux harshness. Let’s forget that BP wouldn’t know a promise from an oily pelican. Let’s even forget that the sheer grandiosity of BP’s ineptitude makes Bush’s Iraq and Afghanistan war performances look like the 30-day cake walks that was promised.

But, BP isn’t alone in its ineptitude. Almost every day we’re treated to a story about how the administration has colluded with the British Pissants to make the hook from which they should be hung as small and painless as possible. Or even better, not even force the skeevy bastards to look at it for fear of hurting their delicate sensibilities.

America Doesn’t Torture
Remember, America doesn’t torture, especially when you’re a big campaign contributor.

There is a lesson here, as expensive, horrible, and demoralizing it may be. Never put all of your faith in the much vaunted private sector to correct anything beyond the underpayment of the CEO’s last quarterly bonus. They will rob you blind and then make you apologize for the robbery…for a fee.

There’s another lesson too. Never put all your faith in government. It’s a publicly held sausage maker using cast-off oil corporate chitlins for ingredients and is a wholly-owned subsidiary of  We the People (Very) LLP, but entirely financed by its board of private-sector directors.

Of course, there are sops to those gullible enough to believe that mere words would mean jack-shit in the scheme of things. We still get daily news briefings designed to suck the truly naive and daft into the market uber alles mentality. And yes, our iron-willed-willed Congress is looking for truth, justice, and the American way, but I’d lay a bet that the only malfeasance they’ll find is why a kangaroo “BP Squad” was empaneled to begin with.

As a nation, we’d better have some healthy mistrust for our chosen BFFs – government and private – and look at things realistically.

What better way than to lace up the truly independent jackboots and do some ass kickin’?

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Whatever Happened to That Truth Commision Thing?


Posted by Omnipotent Poobah

Update Rep. Nadler: Investigate Torture or Face Road to Tyranny

Pulling the Mask Aside

PULLING THE MASK ASIDE - Even an ersatz Judge Judy like Fox's Andrew Napolitano thinks Bush the Lesser should have been indicted for his misdeeds. Clearly, that idea has gone by the wayside by a combination of political cowardice and extending the same Bush policies into the Obama era.

Remember those heady days when the reign of Bush the Lesser ended and the reign of The Messiah™ began? Hope was the watchword and people – with the possible exception of the Tea Bagger types who hate anything to do with hope, competence, or functioning brain cells – were infused with the “Yes we can” spirit?

Well, that didn’t work out quite as planned and neither did many of the other watchwords of the time – “investigation”, “subpoena”, and “truth commission”.

Remember how Senate Judiciary Committee Chairman, Patrick Leahy, called for investigations and threatened subpoenas for The Big Dick™ and Chimpy the Lame? Remember how he was so full of righteous indignation and how he pledged to get at the truth of how America ended up in two wars – originally scheduled as cake walks of several months – that still drone on 10 years later? The people would get answers about just what the hell torture was and exactly how we would or wouldn’t use it. There would be no stone unturned and punishment would fall where it may, based on sworn testimony and not the height of the throne on which crapulent asses sat.

The Gang Who Couldn’t Shoot Straight Escapes
That didn’t work out so well either. It turned out that badly-needed investigations, or even dishwater thin substitutes like a “truth commission”, never came. The Gang Who Couldn’t Shoot Straight escaped town before the tar was heated and the feathers plucked, right through a door the O-Man opened politely before them.

The Messiah™ made the first mistake of his fledgling Presidency by saying, “let bygones, be bygones”. Holding people accountable was just too rude and might offend the delicate sensibilities of the opposition. His hope was a new era of bipartisanship in which the world would be transformed into a civilized place full of harmony and love.

And we see how that worked out too.

The public got no answers. The Big Dick™ is indulging his heart attack fetish and the Chimp wiped his dirty hands on Bubba Bill’s back. Obama got neither bipartisanship nor support from any corner and we the people got a huge frickin’ bill for a war we can’t win nor withdraw from.

Not surprisingly, many people are still raw about the issue, even those who blindly supported the previous skeevy residents of 1600 Pennsylvania. Fox’s alleged legal expert “Judge” Andrew Napolitano has even turned on them. And when Fox turns on a Republican, it’s news – though Fox might not carry it for violating their “fair and balanced” policy.

Constitutional Paper

MORNING CONSTITUTIONAL PAPER - Both the Bush and Obama administrations have shown disdain for the Constitution.

In an interview with Ralph Nader, Napolitano said, “So what President Bush did with the suspension of habeas corpus, with the whole concept of Guantanamo Bay, with the whole idea that he could avoid and evade federal laws, treaties, federal judges, and the Constitution was blatantly unconstitutional and is some cases criminal.”

But what should have been done good judge?

“They [Bush and Cheney] should have been indicted. They absolutely should have been indicted for torturing, for spying, for arresting without warrant,” said Napolitano.

Even an Ersatz Judge Judy Gets It
And there you have it. Even an ersatz Judge Judy gets it. Even he understands that not holding someone accountable for the damage done in this country’s name is an insidious disease that weakens the fabric of America.

His comments speak volumes about the Bush administration, and by extension, the Obama one too. Many of the Bush administration’s most onerous assaults on the law and the Constitution are still in place or in legal limbo where Obama won’t touch them with a 10-ft. pole. Both administrations banked on the public getting restless and wandering away to watch So You Think You Can Do Brain Surgery.

And we did just that.

It’s an amazing thing that Tea Baggers and Republicans can carp about Obama being a lefty and single-handedly destroying the nation while ignoring the fact that on most large issues – particularly those associated with security – nothing of substance has changed. He’s still feeling his way through the minefield by disturbing as little as possible, instead of bringing in the demolition experts and having them clear the road ahead.

It’s a hell of a way to honor justice or the Constitution.

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The Politics of Winning Isn’t All It’s Cracked Up to Be


Posted by Omnipotent Poobah
Leading the Elephant

AN ELEPHANT SHOULD NEVER FORGET - You can lead a Republican to the seat of power, but you can't make him think. Sometimes the worse that can happen is that you get what you want. Just ask the Dems.

Conventional wisdom says Democrats will be thoroughly trounced in the fall elections. Even the most hopelessly optimistic Democrats concede it. One or both houses of Congress my turn red along with several state posts. The Republicans are salivating at the thought of it.

Some advice the party of the elephant should remember: Barely two years ago, the Democrats were flush with political capital from an historic election. They believed the political tide had turned and the GOPers were headed for the dust bin of history. In true Democratic tradition, they managed to screw it up.

To a degree, the Democrats are victims of getting what they wished for. Inheriting two wars, a faltering economy, and a host of other systemic problems gave them a political environment not easily fixed, even if  The Messiah™ could have walked on water. Regardless of ideology, it’s unlikely anyone could turn things around quickly enough to satisfy a restless electorate.

But, despite the seeming invincibility of the Party of No™, they may also be poised to stumble into a party-wrenching mess.

The Bubba Gump Bump
Part of the GOP bump is the natural consequence of the party in power coming up against the reality of governance. When you’re out of power, you have little incentive to do anything -  just ask any elected Republican. But get the gavel, and you’re on the hook regardless of when the problems started or who caused them. No one’s performance can be enough to soothe the savagely voting beasties – doubly so when expectations are artificially inflated by promises of hope and change.

Crying Liberty

SNIFF, SNIFF - With politics you sometimes have to laugh to keep from crying.

Even worse, President Care Bear retained many Bush policies and fumbled others – like health care – badly enough to piss off his base. He also allowed the GOP to hammer him about his policies even though they aren’t substantially changed from the last regime, thereby creating the teabaggers and offending and confusing much of the remaining electorate.

Anyone who believes America has turned to the right of Ghengis Kahn is mistaken. The average Joe – minus, perhaps, Joe the Plumber – is just as scared by tea-brewing crazies as actual bomb throwing commies. The biggest hope for most Americans is to watch CSI instead of a 24 X 7 oil leak with all the appeal of a televised Yule log. They want a job that pays them enough to cover the basics plus a little left over for a Happy Meal and the newest cell phone. Those seem like low expectations, but they’re mighty hard to carry out. In the end, all that matters is that whoever can provide those things is going to keep power.

And based on past performance, there’s no reason to expect Republicans will deliver any better than they did when the Crawford Craphound was in power.

Republicans Suck at the Big Tent
The Republicans have plenty of crumbling party infrastructure too. They realize the teabaggers are problematic allies. Do enough to placate them and the majority middle will recoil. Please the middle and the teabaggers will go all Sarah Palin on their asses. Plus, the Republicans aren’t exactly renown for their ability to pitch a big tent.

The Republicans are also having problems in areas where they used to be smooth. Internal party politics has resulted in the Whitest Black Man in America being chosen as party chairman, only to be frequently denounced or ignored when he makes the gaff of the day. Conservative moderates are a dying breed, being replaced by some of the stupidest pols ever to swear on a stack of Bibles that they will always swear by the Bible.

Oh, and all those little problems – like economic and environmental disaster and wars – that still need to be cleaned up aren’t going to leave when the Dems decamp to lick their wounds.

It’s probably correct the Republicans will win in November, especially when individual candidates like Meg Whitman and corporate interests like the Chamber of Congress have dropped the pretenses and will spend like, well, drunken liberals, to wrest control of the ship of state. But despite all this, the next election will be decided on the answer to a single question – “Who sucks worse, the Democrats or the Republicans?”

The time when politics was about something rather than against something is long gone. Whoever wins will need to govern positively or the electorate will begin measuring them for a pine box come 2012. If the Republicans win they will learn a hard lesson – governing by refusing to govern is a losing proposition. One day, the ‘Pubs may be asking themselves, “what the hell were we thinking when we wanted to be in the majority.” It’s a tough lesson.

Just ask the Democrats.

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