A NIGHT TO LAST FOREVER - And I though my 1973 electric blue, crushed velvet tux was something special.

God Stuff

• Later, the church invented the Holy Day of Christ’s Nose Blow Miracle.
• Why is God wearing jeans?
• My God can whip your God, but only if the old testament dude isn’t the one on the fight card.
• Millie thought it was a miracle until she found out she was looking at the entree at a spaghetti feed for the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
• If God is really in our brain, how come complete idiots sometimes believe in God?
• God hates signs, but not nearly as much as he hates Westboro Baptist Church.
• When did the Super Bowl become so politicized?

Proof  Capitalists Don’t Know What the Hell They’re Doing

• Makers said there was even a dutch oven cooking method involving diners putting the pouches in their anal cavities.
• Somehow, this commercial doesn’t make me want to go out and have someone jab me a zillion times with a sharp-ass needle.
• I wonder if you could take this off your taxes?
• I’m thinking these won’t sell well in the projects where they have ample supplies of rats anyway.
• It’s the perfect gift for that special someone who has all the perception of your average tree stump.
• A Right to Life group unveils “proof” that God wants you to carry your unborn child by tying him to your vagina with yarn.

Crime Waves of the Moronic

• The worst part was that Michelle still ended up with a ticket for loitering.
• The dogs were OK with it, as long as Carla wore a bag over her head.
• It’ wouldn’t have been so bad if the stuff had been fresh and warm.
• Well in the cop’s defense, he had just eaten a jelly donut and needed something to wash it down.
• Are you happy to see me or are those 75 bottles of lotion in your pants?

There Are a Billion Stories on the Naked Internet…These are Only 14 of Them

• Billy was hysterical when he learned Mom had thrown out his comic book collection. His first edition copy of Amputee Love was worth a fortune.
• There’s the pitch and…oooo, a swing and a miss.
• Republican leaders introduced their proposal for dental work during the debate over health care last week.
• All in all, the Obama administration’s “shovel ready” infrastructure projects are creative and provide jobs to divers, tailgaters, and laundry wenches.
• It became evident early on that Billy was a world-class band nerd.
• I’d say, “my condolences” in Bo, but no one knows how to speak it any more.
• These cubies may be “amazing”, but you still feel like a meerkat hiding from a wildebeest when you stand up and look around.
• The Oakland County sheriff’s department said, “After consuming an unknown quantity of alcohol, he constructed a device out of a motorcycle muffler and pipe.” Alcohol? What tipped you off, sheriff?”
• Yes, they are “rubbish” if by rubbish you mean unsanitary crap piles.
• The Cyrus family always took great pride in their contributions to the rich fabric of American society.
• The speech was just goin’ dandy til Sarah mistook her hand for the teleprompter don’tcha know? Wink, wink, wave.
• As plastic surgery goes, being a Jessica Alba clone isn’t so bad.
• Some people’s generosity knows no bounds.
• Uber-nerdity.

Robot: From the Czech Word Robata

• Sure, it’s a bit crude, but if it gets you the tickets, “what the hell?”
• We may not being going to the moon, but by God, Rosie the Robot is within our grasp!
• If these are the visions of the future I don’t want to go on. I already got burned by that whole Jetson’s flying car thing.
• The robot firefighter was a good idea except for the materials they used to make it.

The Jiggly Bits

• As soon as David Vitter heard the news, he immediately reacted by saying, “What’s up with this ban? Former bestiality practitioners will immediately join NAMBLA and start abusing the youngsters of America.”
• It’s a great Valentine Day promotion, but act now – reservations are going fast.
• Fer god sakes Melvin, get your mind out of the gutter table saw.
• Patrick Swazye returns from the grave to film this unique sequel to his hit movie, Ghost.
• “Oh, I say. Could you pul-eeze keep the noise down just a smidge. It is interfering with my science project.”

Made in Japan

• Audiences loved the machines until they found out they were all props from the Broadway play Starlight Express.
• Taxi! Taxi!

Related articles

• More Randomness (omnipotentpoobah.com)
• Ollie North On What Happens If Gays Are Allowed To Serve Openly In Military: ‘NAMBLA Members’ Are Next (thinkprogress.org)
• Nazi doctor Josef Mengele’s diary up for sale (telegraph.co.uk)
• David Beckham unveils new Jesus tattoo (thestar.com)
• Demon’s Souls swings the way you choose for V Day (destructoid.com)
• Delicious Spaghetti Monster (neatorama.com)
• FSM protect us! (blogs.discovermagazine.com)
• Pastafanarianism according to Havi Brooks (laf.ee)
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• Westboro Baptist Church Pickets Twitter: What’s It Like In Their Hateful Shoes? (trueslant.com)