IT'S HOWDY DOODY TIME - Despite his successful early career, Howdy fell on hard times and ended up living on the streets. More>>

Book ‘Em Danno

• In the middle of the gun fight, Fat Murphy pulled his dildo and fired!
• When Jimmy saw the story on the news he figured it was only a matter of time.
• Jorge may have been serving 13 life sentences for kidnapping and armed robbery, but he wasn’t a perv.
• Put down the doughnut and step away from the car!
• Police only have one suspect in the crime, a Delaware resident, Mr. Joe Biden.
• Even though he was 38, Abel still believed in the Easter Bunny.
• Slap my ass! Slap my ass!
• I just KNEW there was a secret to why they always land on their feet.
• Ladies and gentlemen, please turn off all portable electronic devices until we’ve reached our cruising altitude at the end of the street.
• Some people considered Stephen to be a little slow at learning.
• “Perverting the course of justice” seems like the right charge to me.
• Have a heart. Gilligan just wanted the Skipper and Mary Anne to know he finally made it off the island.
• Lynn was well-known as a strict disciplinarian.
• After an initial experiment using Styrofoam peanuts, the good citizens of Somerville Road struck on just the right protective measures.
• Kurt’s fetish started after Marge Simpson appeared in Playboy.
• Officials charged David B. Hanna after discovering he didn’t have a carrying permit for small arms.

Robots, Robots, and More Robots

• She’s the best girlfriend a young, virginal nerd could ever have.
• Do androids really dream of electric sheep?

The Japanese Are the Super Race

• In all fairness, she didn’t notice the woman because she was texting, applying makeup, and reading War and Peace in the original Russian at the time.

Imponderables

• After questioning, police confirmed that Mr. Deo was not impersonating Mr. Dios and there would be no resurrection forthcoming.
• Yeah, who didn’t see this coming – Snookie giving up the nookie.
• In the southern hemisphere, they turn counterclockwise.
• Wow! That’s some sexy shit!
• Rocky XXI – Pumpin’ the Cheese.
• With the state of the economy being what it is, it’s was a real accomplishment to land such a prestigious part-time job.
• Verizon has the nation’s largest 3-Tree network.
• He likes you, he really likes you!
• Comcast may be buying NBC, but they aren’t getting a whole lot for their money.
• What it looks like in Marilyn Manson’s backyard.
• The Democrats have a donkey, the Republicans have an elephant, and the teabaggers have…
• It was like a religious civil war, Westboro vs. Eastboro.
• One out of a gazillion doctors recommends smoking to treat Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s disease.
• As soon as the CEO discovered the problem, he gave himself a $6 billion bonus and left by private jet for his estate in France confident his was a job well done.
• They can tell with certainty that gay marriage is illegal, but romance? This they can’t figure out?
• The job pays well, but it lacks the potential for career growth.
• Sure, it hurt like hell, but he vowed to play through the pain.
• When they changed their name, they briefly considered calling it Modern Moose Knuckle.
• SUNDAY, SUNDAY, SUNDAY!  ACTION, ACTION, ACTION! It’s a battle royale, an etymological grudge match! McThusela vs. Snookie!
• The crew over at Punked chortled madly when they played the prank on Rachel Ray.
• Naked scanning was OK, but the anal cavity search was a bit too intrusive.
• Awful offal ready to stuff again.
• It was bad, but there were still lower levels of mercury than in Dasani.
• Humans can be proud of their mastery of technology.
• It could’ve been worse. It could’ve been his tongue.
• The little prick has a little dick. Whutchu talkin’ ’bout Willis?
• Guano-a-go-go! Next on Oprah!
• Devoted WM fan, 48, looking for dominating Ticketmaster with a penchant for tailgating and amateur surgery.
• Hey, he was just heading home for a chicken dinner and sex.
• And the top ridiculous thing people believe…George W. Bush was a great President!
• EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT! Bouncing Boobs Banned in Brisbane!
• Gye’s attempt to beat the high cost of a Bluetooth headset suddenly went awry.
• Political analysts were fairly sure Laiacona had weathered worse sex charges against him during the campaign.
• That’s some good shit man! Some really good shit!
• Headline: McKenna Faces Chuck Frankenstein in Tough Runoff Election.
• Announcing OllieAir Flight C-123 with service to Tehran, Washington, and Managua! This is a crowded flight, so make sure your small arms are stowed safely in the overhead bins or under the seat in front of you.

The Triumph of the Free Market

• The phone battle is heating up between Apple and Google.
• Yeah, we got an app for that. 
• Remember, apply them just before they put you in the clink for extra fun!
• Required equipment for Tiger Woods’ caddy.
• It’s just the app for when your reception is poor.
• Don’t be fooled by the gangsta style. Tupac wouldn’t be caught dead in a pair of these ugly ass things.
• The show was enough to give the techno-goobs a huge orgasm.
• Sometimes I’m so ashamed of American culture.
• All that stuff is really in there? No wonder it smells like ass.
• Does the world really need another kitschy USB drive?
• Has anyone else picked up on the smell of roast meat?

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