Beware the booby. The Parents Television Council (PTC) recently released a study claiming full-frontal nudity is up a whopping 6300% on network shows airing in prime time. That’s a lot of T&A squeezed into the 3 hours of prime time per night. I’m not sure you could find that much nudity, full frontal or otherwise, watching pay per view at the Econo-Lodge every night for the rest of the century. Clearly, I’m watching the wrong networks.
The story is certainly no John LeCarre page turner and Anna Chapman and the 9 non-Anna Chapmans didn’t have quite the same crack skills of the famous Cambridge Five, but the suburban Russian spy ring hasn’t come without some entertainment – TMZ-worthy photos of hot operatives and “kinky” sex.
So far it seems the Ruskie spies didn’t endanger any secrets more important than the secret handshake down at the Kiwanis Club. And, the only escape attempt involved raising bail in a two-bit Cypriot jail and using some frequent flyer miles to blow the joint with all the panache of your typical accountant on a business trip. The hearings have been as exciting as a day at small claims court.
A Bond Girl She Ain’t
By far, the main focus of attention is on red-haired spy Anna Chapman. Reports invariable describe her as a sexy charmer with a vixen’s smile and bedroom eyes. No doubt she is attractive, but her vibe seems more like a fresh-scrubbed Midwest cheerleader than svelte Mati Hari. It’s easier to see her as just another urban single hanging out at the local club on Ladies Night – a Bond Girl she ain’t.
But as they say, it’s the quiet ones who are volcanoes under the surface. As the story broke, Chapman’s story was as a KGB agent gone to New York posing as an all-American entrepreneur in the heart of the Socialist Republic of Obamastan. She was pictured in a few demur poses and short video clips.
But that’s changed. As often happens, Chapman has transcended being the center of a rather odd spy cell into a celebrity – the type of celebrity whose upskirts raise a thousand headlines – and willies.
The photos have started to leak out drop, by salacious drop. The stories are no longer about the fresh-faced, KGB spy master’s daughter. Now, they’re exposes by a former husband and a host of real or imagined hangers-on talking about her sexual prowess and preference for nipple clamps and light bondage. There are even rumors she stalked Britain’s Princes, William and Harry, to get the goods on which biscuits the Queen has with tea.
Learning the Media Ropes
The topless shots, upskirts, and nip slips have started appearing as they always seem to when an attractive woman makes the news. There’s even an actual no-holds-barred full nipple revealer which strangely makes her seem more like someone’s slightly shy college girlfriend than a fiery seductress.
It won’t be long before the erstwhile business entrepreneur learns the media ropes. She’ll pop up as Kate Goselin’s replacement on You’re a Fool If You Think You Can Dance and she’ll appear on Regis and Kelly – maybe Jay Leno if her luck holds. But, eventually her star will begin to fade and she’ll be desperate to get back into the international ex-spy limelight.
Imagine. How long will it be before we see a sex tape entitled Anna Chapman: The Nude Spy Who Came in From the Cold?
- The Spy Who Came In From The Cold (linusfernandes.com)
- The Sexy Startup Spy Stays In The News (businessinsider.com)
- Anna Chapman, a russian spy arrested in USA, Anna’s facebook Profile (panasianbiz.com)
- Friends of ‘Russian spy’ Anna Chapman call ex husband ‘a rag’ (telegraph.co.uk)
- Russian Spy Had “Hots” From British Princes (patspapers.com)