Louie Gohmert Isn’t a Wingnut

Louie Gohmert is Like Forest GumpLouie Gohmert (R-WTFistan) isn’t a wingnut. He is the nut, bolt, and the entire clown car to which they are attached. He is famous for his conspiracy theories, bronze age technical/medical “knowledge”, and his creative lunacy of impeccable quality. In short, he isn’t from around here. He is from a different ZIP code.

Conventional wisdom says there is a civil war over the heart of the Republican Party. That is true, but the armies fighting the war aren’t the same ones everyone thinks.

Democrats have their share of firebrands, but there is usually a small kernel of truth in their ideological positions. Some statistic, some verifiable statement, some basic understanding of gravity may make their position a stretch, but rarely a total negation of the world as we know it.

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The Convictions of the Convinced: Don’t Count the Republicans Out Yet

Republicans are crazy

The convictions of the convinced are dangerous. Democratic conventional wisdom is that Republican alienation of almost every voter block in the nation, including many of their own, makes for a Dem sweep in the next cycle. Don’t count your votes before they’re cast, especially when Republicans are jacking voting laws at will.

The Republicans aren’t just in a civil war, they’re nuking, chemically attacking, and hand-to-hand combatting each other. The rest of the country is collateral damage. The only thing they all agree on is “this crazy shit’s gotta stop” as they do the craziest shit imaginable.

Tea Partiers have the mistaken impression the country is no longer “center right”, but somewhere to the right of Genghis Khan. They pull right like a Model T with a missing wheel. Meanwhile, the rest of the country pulls left like a car needing an alignment job. The country is becoming center/center as a response to the extremism of the Grand Old (Tea) Partiers and it’s an ever-quicker shift. The result: the Teas think everyone else is a communist while everyone else thinks they are bat-shit crazy.

I have two guiding principles. Never try to speak rationally to the irrational and never underestimate the power of lunatics in large groups. Therein lies the danger in Democrats believing that showing up to watch the Republicans go all NRA on themselves and do a Columbine is enough.

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You Know You Might Be a Moderate If…

Moderate Voter

THE AMERICAN POLITICAL PROCESS - What the hell, it's as good a reason as any. It's not like it means anything.

This is the last installment in our You Know You Might Be a (Fill in the Blank) If series. If you missed Parts 1 and 2, don’t forget to read:

You know you might be a moderate if you:

  • Are part of the undecided vote in every poll.
  • Wish you could vote by remote control so you wouldn’t have to miss a minute of Real Housewives of Cincinnati.
  • Only vote every third election, regardless of what kind of election it is or what kinds of initiatives are on the ballot.
  • Know so little about candidates that you vote for whoever appears at the top of the ballot.
  • Still vote for Pat Paulson just to piss off the real politicians.
  • You think the three branches of government are dumb, dumber, and dumbest.
  • You think Supreme Court decisions are based on rationality or fairness rather than the Constitution.
  • You think Congress sucks, but every time you see something screwed up you say, “There oughta be a law…”
  • You think that voters can vote on the constitutionality of laws.
  • Vote the way the last campaign worker outside the polls told you to.
  • Will only cast your vote if it doesn’t “cancel out” your spouse’s.
  • Find punch card ballots advanced technology.
  • Think all out war is justifiable until you find out how many people get killed and how much it costs.
  • You watch Katie Couric, Brian Williams, or Jay Leno for all your news.
  • Don’t watch the Daily Show because you don’t get the jokes.
  • Don’t realize the Daily Show is a comedy show.
  • Can’t drive a stick shift.
  • Love the in-depth articles in USA Today.
  • Are for something before you are against something, right after you were for it and against it simultaneously.
  • Are annoyed that ballots aren’t in multiple choice format.
  • Don’t know who Sarah Palin is.
  • When you find out who she is, you think you could vote for her because she has an honest face.
  • Think taxes are too high while voting for high-ticket ballot initiatives.
  • Don’t understand why they haven’t been able to find that Osama Bin Laden fella after all these years.
  • Don’t recognize the names Mitch McConnell, Harry Reid, or Nancy Pelosi, but can name all the judges and contestants to ever appear on So You Think You Can Dance.
  • Were going to vote, but hadn’t heard about it being election day.
  • Complain vociferously about policies and elected officials while ignoring the fact you didn’t vote.
  • Believe in term limits so you won’t have to vote as often.
  • Hate it when a Presidential address comes on and “ruins my shows”.
  • You carry more than $25,000 on your credit card and don’t understand how long it will take to pay it off in minimum payments.
  • You think the answer to paying off the debt on one credit card can be reduced by transferring it all to a new credit card with a 0.1% lower APR.
  • Can’t balance a checkbook (although this could also be equally true for liberals and conservatives).
  • Think war is imminent when a story appears saying the Pentagon has a war plan for invading North Korea without realizing they have constantly updated plans for every country on Earth…including Canada.
  • Think the mainstream media is too liberal.
  • Think the mainstream media is too conservative.
  • Think the mainstream media is both too conservative and too liberal at the same time.
  • Don’t know what the terms liberal and conservative mean.
  • Never read newspapers, magazines, or watch the news.
  • Complain Congress is made up of fat cats while voting for CEOs whose previous experience was turning their former companies into smoking holes in the ground while collecting a severance package greater than the GDP of Guatemala.
  • Complain about unions while taking time off from your 40-hour a week job to get company-supplied medical treatment for the black lung and crushed leg you got in a non-union coal mine.
  • Complain about executive compensation, but follow the company’s voting recommendation when the proxy statement for your 3 shares of AT&T shows up.
  • Thought Ted Stevens gave an enlightening explanation of the tubes and trucks that make up the Internet.
  • Spend a lot of time playing war-based video games while being undecided about Iraq and Afghanistan.
  • Couldn’t form an opinion if your life depended on it.
  • Don’t remember to mail in your absentee ballot until 3 months after the election after finding it in the junk drawer in your kitchen.
  • Appreciate the points from both right and left, but can’t vote because the positions seem so similar.
  • Think all Congressional votes are based on a simple majority.
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