Billy Graham’s daughter, Anne Graham Lotz, took time out from her swim in the shallow end of the Graham family gene pool this weekend to assure everyone that she would NEVER vote for an Atheist.
Tag Archives: Mitt Romney
Mormons! I Smite Thee in the Name of Common Sense
Mormons baptized slain reporter Daniel Pearl
Can I Get on the Mormon “Do Not Baptize” List?
Theists, I appreciate your prayers for my heathen soul, but there’s no need. Really. I’m an atheist. I’m good. And Mormons, posthumous baptism is even more than one step over the line. That’s even more unneeded, creepy, and unwanted – unless you want to modify that whole 72 Muslim virgins thing to a Mormon Unlimited Virgin Plan. I’m a big believer in more virgins at lower prices. It’s proof of the value of free markets.
When I’m dead, I’m dead. You can’t baptize me unless you want to bless an unholy ooze of font water, ashes, and genealogical records that artificially boost the number of Mitt’s Minions on the books. Second, even though I’ll be dead, I find it offensive while I’m still here. I own the copyright on myself in perpetuity and will defend it vigorously.
Posthumous baptism is no academic exercise. Moroni’s Acolytes recently transplanted Nazi-hunter Simon Wiesenthal’s parents from Judaism to Mormonism. It’s not the first time Joseph Smith’s gardeners pulled Jews up by the roots and carried them to the Zion Botanical Garden of Eden either.
The church has been sued several times over their ecumenical necrophilia and each time they’re caught, it’s always the same chapter and verse. They throw one of their own fontheads to the heathenous hordes by explaining he’s just an overzealous mailroom Warren Jeffs with a hankerin’ for more Mormon ghosts milling around with too much time on their hands. Each time they lay the blame, tithe the damage awards, and seemingly go back to doing what they do best – creating jobs by buying Schwins for the White Shirt/Black Tie Army. But, they always seem to reemerge like a reliable grasshopper plague.
Clearly, the LDS Church isn’t anti-Semitic. As far as I know, they’ve never picked on anyone other than Jews and Christians who don’t believe New York Native Americans are a lost, wandering tribe of Jews. However, they seem to discriminate against Muslims, Atheists, and other religions apparently under the belief we are too far gone to pull from the burning fires of a hell fueled by untaxed 10% tithes. After all, they wouldn’t want to damage the tires of all those missionary bikes. Inner tubes are expensive and stink when they burn. Being good, non-cultish citizens, they wouldn’t want to stir up the EPA.
This is exactly the sort of thing that causes violence between religions. One would think the Mormons would know something about that after they were chased coast to almost coast to escape a never-ending string of massacres by and against outsiders.
I’m proud to say there are no records of Atheist-on-Mormon homicide either. There probably weren’t enough of us in the 1800s to pull together a tar and feather brigade.
I think religions are being too soft on these shenanigans by merely accusing Mormons of running a cult. I’m thinking more along the lines of the swipe of a 2X4 to the head of these poor, misguided geneologists. Something to get their attention if you will.
Say it with me, “I smite thee in the name of common sense you moron(i).”
Related articles
- Jewish Community Outraged By Posthumous Mormon Baptism Of Nazi Hunter Simon Wiesenthal’s Parents (alan.com)
- Mormons apologise for baptism blunder (freethinker.co.uk)
- Mormon Baptism Controversy Threatens Romney (npr.org)
- Mormons Still Baptizing Dead Jews (thedailybeast.com)
- Mormon Church Apologizes for Performing ‘Baptism For The Dead’ Ritual On Jews (crooksandliars.com)
- Romney Keeps Mum on Mormon Baptism of Jews – Pressure builds to respond to baptism of Nazi-hunter’s parents (tribuneofthepeople.com)
- Why do Mormons baptize the dead? (wilmingtonfavs.com)
- Daniel Pearl posthumously baptized in Mormon rite (jta.org)
- Slain journalist Daniel Pearl posthumously baptized by Mormon church: reports (news.nationalpost.com)
- Posthumous Baptisms (volokh.com)
- After Anne Frank baptism, Mormons vow to discipline members (religion.blogs.cnn.com)
Related articles
- Daniel Pearl posthumously baptized in Mormon rite (jta.org)
- Slain journalist Daniel Pearl posthumously baptized by Mormon church: reports (news.nationalpost.com)
- Posthumous Baptisms (volokh.com)
- After Anne Frank baptism, Mormons vow to discipline members (religion.blogs.cnn.com)
Randomness: Steroid-Infused Race Horses
Republican Idiotfest 2012 is in full swing and the candidates are exchanging the lead like steroid-infused race horses. When will it end? Sigh…
BANG! You’re Very Poor
THE OLD HOMESTEAD – It’s not my grandparents’ shack, but it is a close facsimile. If Mitt Romney would live in a place like this for a week, I’d vote for him.
Much has been said about how multi-millionaire candidates relate to the middle class. Most of them advize Americans who are part of the shrinking middle class to simply get new jobs. They’re understandably silent on just how to pull that off in the recession they’ve created. In their opinion, any grousing from Americans caught in the vice of diminishing means is just class warfare against the wealthy, Cayman Island, tax-dodging, outsourcing, politically powerful. BANG! You’re very poor.
When Candidates Don’t Get Video and Audio Tape
“BARACK OBAMA REPORTING FROM CAPITOL HILL” – Every politician will run afoul of evil video or audio tape. The good ones will get the hang of it and mostly stay off the Daily Show, the bad ones will get virtually bludgeoned on the evening news.
Six years after noted grifter and late Alaska Senator Ted Stevens showed his impeccable technology credentials by likening the Internet to a “series of tubes”, our erstwhile Presidential nominees struggle with the most basic pre-21st Century gadgets. Gadgets like cameras and audio tape. This is a disturbing trend for a gaggle of walking egos intent on becoming the most audio and video-taped person on the planet.