‘Wildman’ Romney Defies Cop, Slow Speed Escape from SWAT

Mixed in with the stories surrounding Mitt Romney’s impish desire to join the Pro-Am Homo-Hating Coiffeur Tour is a less-reported story from Mittens’ arm length rap sheet. It’s not as pregnant with prankish, homophobic cheer, but it is a look into the mind of a man who is laughably and utterly clueless about how the rest of his species lives.

Tossed into his rich and simmering ragoût of stupid was Mittens’ recent offer to take Obama to the closet – um, poor word choice – woodshed for a good old fashioned water-ski whooping. But no golf. He hears Obama is good at that. Presumably, Mitt would borrow the Presidential barge for the match. I don’t blame him. In 1981, he tried to do the whole middle class water-ski thing and managed to get himself arrested for disorderly conduct. Not a big, Earth-shattering deal, but a deal nonetheless. The story goes something like this:

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Mitt the Merry Prankster and Barack the Pusher Downer

Kids do stupid things. Sometimes they know no better. Other times Mom and Dad don’t teach them right from wrong because they’re morons who don’t know right from wrong either. And sometimes, kids are just evil seeds. Yes, kids do stupid and inexplicable things. It is the way of the world.

Sometimes the stupid things catch up to them as adults. Mitt Romney is in that PR hell now. He supposedly led a group of boys – there’s that leadership thing he goes on and on about – and held down a kid with a ponytail, cut it off, and badgered the kid for being gay. That’s the sort of thing that causes kids to commit suicide these days. It probably did back then too, you just didn’t hear about it as often because suicide besmirched the family reputation so much it was hidden as often as not.

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Pick a Peck of Pol PACS

PAC PORK? – Pick a Peck of Pol PACS

It’s not new to obfuscate political motives by coming up with ludicrous names for things. Bush the Lesser was a master of the craft. Seldom have these ideological splinters in the ass of the nation been clear enough to figure out just what in the hell they means.

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Will You Join the Kardashian Party?

As self-made Hollywood celebrities go, Kim Kardashian could be much worse. In between endless photo shoots, making sex tapes, marrying and/or dating every man in the Northern Hemisphere, and selling clothes with too much gold braid and rhinestones, she sometimes has a somewhat self-deprecating view of her fame. On one of the Kardashian clan’s reality shows (E! Entertainment – All Kardashian, All the Time), she was asked what she was famous for. “I’m the girl with the big ass,” she said.

Refreshing honesty. You gotta love her for that.

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The Occupational Hazard of Blowing Smoke for a Living

Certainly there are few election seasons in which candidates from either party don’t say or do something stupid or ill-advised. It’s an occupational hazard when you blow smoke for a living – doubly so if you relate to other humans about as effectively as a visitor on a boondoggle,”fact-finding” junket from Jupiter.

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