Ann Coulter: You Know You’re a Douchebag When…

Ann Coulter: Attention WhoreYou know you’re a douchebag when Michelle Malkin thinks you’re a douchebag. Today’s douchebag is douche recidivist – apologies to douchebags for comparing her to a feminine hygiene appliance – Ann Coulter who described Barack Obama as a, “retard” in a mid-debate tweet Monday. “I highly approve of Romney’s decision to be kind and gentle to the retard,” she said.

 “What a stupid, shallow thing to say, Ann,” said Malkin, who is a bit of a douchebag herself sometimes.

There are two things unique about this picture. First, Coulter chose the words, “kind and gentle”, two words missing from her lexicon until now. She usually chooses something like, “communist imbecile”. Still, that’s better than Rush Limbaugh who would’ve used, “communist imbecile manslut”.

Second, Malkin – who sometimes uses similar words – seemed genuinely offended. She must be going all liberal and shit because her complaint put her in league with a gaggle of socialist Hollywood fellow travelers like, Michelle Branch, Marlee Matlin, and Christina Applegate.

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Sharron Angle’s Black Day at Tonopah

People of Nevada, I feel your pain. I get it. Really I do. It’s not like Harry Reid has been worth much as Senate leader and I’m sure he’s sucked just as bad as your personal Senator. But fer Chrissakes, couldn’t you come up with someone to run against him other than Sharron Angle? Someone respectable, you know smart and cultured – I’m thinking Rush Limbaugh.

Back in Black

BACK IN BLACK - Crusader for Merging of Church and State, Sharron Angle, once argued the color black was evil...however, not so evil as to avoid wearing it herself.

Angle is so spectacularly bad as a candidate and – well, let’s face it – quasi-sentient being that she actually makes The Grizzly Whisperer™ look like a genius. If you elect this woman to anything, much less the US Senate, your license plates will have to say, “Welcome to Nevada, the Moron State” as a matter of truth in advertising. And that’s saying something when you’re up against the competition from Texas and Arizona. I mean those people are real pros.

An Idiot That Keeps on Giving
Nary a day goes by that Over-Sharin’ Sharron doesn’t do or say something stupid. Reporters should only ask the questions she wants to hear and write stories that only she can approve. She thinks God called her to run for Senate, proving once again that God should hire a much better class of PR flaks for his domain. She doesn’t believe in the separation of church and state and accuses Democrats of being in violation of the First Amendment Commandment. Gadzooks Nevandans!

I’ve always believed that to be a success in life you shouldn’t compare yourself to others, but use a personal yardstick to compare yourself to what you are capable of.  Angle clearly has some sort of weird metric mojo going on when it comes to her personal yardstick.

Case in point : She denies it now, but back in 1992 she came out foursquare against the scourge of black. Not black as in African American (although she doesn’t seem like a BFF of them either). Not black as in Black Friday. Not even – to employ a Nevadaism – blackjack. No, Sharron Angle is against black…the color. Specifically, the color of football jerseys at Tonopah High.

It’s evil. It’s close to sacrilege she said of a move to change the school’s jerseys to red. So evil in fact that she agitated to have the change repealed, the jerseys seized and put under lock and key, and the kids who bought them left holding the bag because the school wouldn’t reimburse them.

I suppose we could infer from this that Sharron would lead the charge against all sorts of other “colorism” too.

The Amish Are Evil
Priests and ministers would have to exorcise their black vestments. Amish folks would have to wear hot pink (because we all know what raving, hell-raising devil-worshipers they are). Black Flag insecticide would be verboten and the Oakland Raiders banned from the football field – although some would think that an improvement.

I’m used to politicians saying and doing stupid things. It is what they do and you can expect a certain amount of that from the sheer volume of hogswallop they spew. Talk enough and you’re bound to look like a goob occasionally. It’s an occupational hazard. But I’m aghast to say she easily snatches the Scepter of Stupidity from Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann. Even the unholy Troika of  Trolldom, Ann Coulter, Michelle Malkin, and all the Fox News blondie bubbleheads rolled into one, run a distant second.

So people of Nevada, take mercy on the rest of us. Harry’s worthless, but at least he’s emasculate. Sharron is so stupid she might even figure out how to be dangerous – although I admit I may be giving her mental powers more credit than they deserve. Don’t elect this pinhead. We already have enough trouble as it is. Good God, Newt Gingrich might even make a comeback and that would be worse than a lifetime supply of Glenn Beck reruns!

Elect Sharron Angle and it will be a black day for us all.

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Conservative Ricochet Rabbits Start New Website

Funniest Man on the Planet

ARE WE HAVING FUN YET? - Conservative funny man Michael Steele's turn as a conservative blogger from the hood didn't fare well, but perhaps the new conservative website will allow him to make a comeback.

Conservatives are trying to have fun again, and that’s never a good thing. Michael Steele blogging about the mean streets of the Georgetown hood fell flat, although that walking, talking avatar was sort of neat in a paleo-Flash kind of way. Fox News’ uber-fun 1/2 Hour News Hour disappeared so fast it made Ann Coulter’s Adam’s apple spin. The “humor” being confined to a Nostrasdumbassian reference to Sarah Palin’s Half Governor, Whole Governor, All Grizzly Momma Show.

Now, from that dark, distinctly unfunny corner of the web comes a Facebook for the conservative set – Ricochet. I’ll resist a Big Dick Cheney™ reference here – oops, too late.

Ricochet ought to be right up the old conservative poop chute. It’s being compared to a conservative cocktail party that looks nothing like anything else on the net, unless you consider looking exactly like everything else on the net as different.

Twitter-Size Hole in the Information Cobblestone Highway
“It will not be a news aggregator, or a megachat like Daily Kos,” said James Poulous, Richochet’s Managing Commandant of Fun. “but instead will be a feed like Facebook or Twitter or Tumbler.”

Yes, there IS a Twitter-size hole in the information cobblestone highway begging to be filled by non-union labor. Yet another group of fear-crazed, grammar-challenged, protest sign typoists is just what the country needs right now.

The site’s producers apparently don’t think Fox news and every AM radio station on the planet provides enough chances for conservative fun. “There is plenty of space in the online world for a center-right website with a sense of fun, of talking back and forth among conservatives.”

And indeed there would be if they simply talked instead of yelled batshit crazily like LimbaHaniBeck. Although, I don’t think they could go wrong with a regular Orly Taitz bit. She’s he-frickin-larious!

‘Baggers’ DOES NOT Have a Sexual Connotation
I know the baggers  – don’t get all huffy, we all know it’s not sexual, the term was coined in relationship to grocery baggers – birthers, and conspiracy plot makers just wanna be like Cindy Lauper and have fun – good, clean, heterosexual fun.

But dudes, go with your strengths. When your idea of fun is incessantly saying “no” like Rainman as a toddler, your material is a little limited. It’s hard to base a website on an unending string of conservatives giving abstinence lectures supported by their mistresses and calling Obama a Kenyan Kommunist. You know, like Michelle Malkin covers the entire spectrum of thought from grapes to raisins.

But on the up side, you already have the technology end of things covered. I hear Ted Stevens is available and has a solid grasp of .php and xhtml.

But be forewarned, I hear he doesn’t work well with others.

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