Tag Archives: lindsey graham

DADT and the Wall of Whoop


Posted by Omnipotent Poobah

Greatest Generation

THE GREATEST GENERATION - Gay soldiers and sailors served during WWII and helped defeat the original Axis of Evil.

DADT has been studied more than cancer, but the data is finally in. A vast majority of the soldiers, sailors, airmen, and marines said, “big whoop”. The Secretary of Defense and many senior commanders have said – as they have for quite some time – “big whoop”. And the public, which the Tea Baggers and Republicans claim gave them an overwhelmingly clear mandate to do whatever they wanted screamed, “big whoop!” The Republican caucus, a minority of military commanders, and most notably Lindsey “Rentboy” Graham and the world’s most petulant child, John McThuselah, have said, “Not so fast. There’ll be no whooping in my military.”

On this issue – come to think of it, on most issues – McCain has been a major pain in the tuchus. He whined because the 17 gazillion studies that have been done since DADT was enacted just weren’t thorough enough, if by thorough you mean agreed with him. He said he’d gladly go along with repeal once the troops on the ground said, “big whoop”. Not unexpectedly, when confronted by the troops’ Wall of Whoop, his response is, “Whaaaaaaaa! I don’t wanna!”

McCain: Formally Admiral Crybaby
How the hell did such a crybaby survive being a POW? “Wahhh! I want more gruel. Whaaaa! I’m hot, and cold, and hot. Whaaaa! You waterboarded me with a neti pot instead of a towel and bucket. What kind of enhanced interrogator are you?!”

Look, almost every military on Earth, except perhaps Pope Ratzzie’s Swiss Guard, accepts gay people. And like the old saw about masturbation (with apologies to Christine O’Donnell), those that think there are none already there are lying. So far as I know, there has never been a military failure attributable to sexual orientation unless you count drumming out qualified and critically needed translators at just the time we needed them most.

Way to fight the War of Error there Boehner Bitches.

There have been no instances of soldiers running out of the shower tent directly into the groping hands of a TSA agent because someone looked at their junk. Even little old ladies from Pasadena waited until someone took x-rays of their desiccated old vajayjays followed by the most embarrassing crotch grab in history to complain.

AAAAAHHHHH! Look, It’s a Dick
Are you saying that accidentally looking at an underwhelming, soap-lathered dick will cause a top notch military to take up arms and resist the legal orders of Congress and the President – who ought to stop pussyfooting (no pun intended) around and issue? If you do, are you not saying, “These colors never run!” but, “These colors will always run from a comrade they never even knew was gay before they were allowed to ask”? You’re not describing a world class military; you’re describing an extremely well-armed gaggle of unpatriotic, cowardly traitors.”

As a veteran, I for one am as insulted as those in uniform should be.

John Boy, Graham Cracker, Boehner Boys, Senate Leader Yertle, stop turning an issue with as much import to the country as your last 27 anti-flag burning amendments into a holy crusade that allows you to stomp your little wingtips and whine whenever the Democrats’ chiropractor accidentally finds a spine.

I believe you’ve been bragging about that massive mandate you got from the public. A public, BTW, that rates you several points below your craven Democratic colleagues and that sorry excuse for a President across the aisle. Quitcher bitchin’ and do as the vast majority of voters have commanded.

Your behavior is just so, um, gay (apologies to the LGBT community for the insult).

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Republicans: Judicial Activists in Immigration Reform Clothes


Posted by Omnipotent Poobah
No Immigrant Kids

ARE TOP REPUBLICANS JUDICIAL ACTIVISTS? - Argue for a woman's right to choose and you're a judicial activist. Rewrite the Constitution to dump the 14th Amendment and you're just an honest immigration reformer?

So the Party of No has suddenly become the party of simpering “Judicial Activists”. Those paragons of the rule of law – represented by their Sharia-like interpretation of the Constitution – Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-Nelly Bottom) and Jon Kyle (R-Independent  Duchy  of Arizona), are yapping about repealing the 14th Amendment (the one giving citizenship to babies born in this country).

There’s no legitimate argument that numerous administrations and Congresses from both parties haven’t ignored immigration reform. Performance on the issue has been on par with the handling of Katrina and is well past due. But rewriting the Constitution to do something you’re too weak-willed to do honestly is a tad disingenuous. You can’t just constantly carp about a strict interpretation of the Constitution 250-years removed from its writing and then just argue to rewrite it if something is giving you political heartburn.

Dora the Immigrant Explorer

DORA THE IMMIGRATION DEFORMER

Many people don’t think women are capable of anything, including voting. Why not just repeal the Franchise? Heck, “We’re at war dammit! Let’s repeal the First Amendment because the teabagger’s public statements are offensive.” And that whole habeas corpus thing is a real patriotism buzz kill. Let’s get rid of that too. This is not a case of racism, it’s a case of “Stupidism”.

It’s time for the immigrati to take a dip in the Rio Grande and start dealing with the problem rationally instead of like Lou Dobbs on a Red Bull bender. It’s this type of squeaky wheelism that built the Fence to Nowhere – America’s very own Maginot Line. This thinking led to an Arizona law that essentially requires police to do what they were already able to do voluntarily and does nothing to solve the problem.

The people of this country want solutions to problems, not a bunch of bickering over who is an opportunistic crapweasel looking for votes or who is a racist. There are a number of actions that could be taken with simple discussions by honest negotiators. Others would take a little negotiation. And, there are still others that will only be done by inflicting pain. But have no question. We do have a place to start.

So Gov. Tea Brewer get on with something useful. Jon and Lindsey, stop trying to throw the (immigrant) baby out with the bathwater. And Messiah, get off your duff, corral those cats that pass for a political party, and fix the problem.

We the people thank you.

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Lindsey Graham: In the Log Cabin or Out?


Posted by Omnipotent Poobah

Vanity FairWhat with all the sign waving, no saying, and anti-regulating, Republicans are working up a fierce appetite – so fierce, in fact, they’re even beginning to eat their own. At a recent tea party, the baggers brewed up a nice strong pot of orange pekoe, crooked their pinkies, and proceeded to dig into a rump roast ala Lindsey Graham.

Graham for some inexplicable reason is considered a moderate by those somewhere to the right of Genghis Kahn. Although, Graham’s the one who said, “Nancy Pelosi, I think, has got them all liquored up on sake and you know, they’re making a suicide run here,” about Democrats during the health reform debate. He also called the legislation “crap”. Those don’t seem like Obamunist statements to me, but there you go.

You’re Worse Than Barney Frank!
At a recent bag-u-partay William Gheen, head of the Americans for Legal Immigration PAC (ALIPAC), called for Graham to “come forward and tell people about your alternative lifestyle and your homosexuality”.  Piling insult upon injury he also said, “Barney Frank is more honest and brave than you.”

Oooo, SNAP! That’s gotta hurt!

It’s not clear how being gay is connected to illegal immigration, or much else for that matter, but clearly Teabaggers – oops, Tea Partiers…the “bagger” nickname offends their delicate sensibilities like, well, gay people – think so.

Odds bodkins man! Them’s fightin’ words down South Carolina way. It’s one thing to call a fellow Republicrat a “librul moderate” or a Muslim, it’s another to call the man queer. Why that’s the lowest insult you can hurl at your fellow flag pin buddy, especially a veteran who clearly violated Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell by not shouting, “I’m here! I’m queer! And, I look fabulous in camo!” from the floor of the Senate.

“Look, I’m a tolerant person,” Gheen preened. “I don’t care about your private life, Lindsey. But as our US senator, I need to figure out why you’re trying to sell out your own countrymen, I need to make sure you being gay isn’t it.”

I'm a Nelly BottomPoor Lindsey, hoist on his own peter – er, petard – by the so very “tolerant” Mr. Gheen. Clearly, there’s about as much chance of Teddy Graham wiggling off Gheen’s hook as there is for Obama to “prove” he’s not a “Mooslim Kenyatan” to people who think the Earth was brought by a stork sent from God. I suspect that even if Graham did some public belly-bumping with Barney Frank he’d still be called something else – an Obama sympathizer or some other awful epithet for example. Once the baggers don’t like you, they’ll treat you like the ugly, least fashionable girl at a sorority dance – with about as much provocation.

Take It From One Blowhard to Another
Lindsey, I know this is bad. No one with an ounce of sense cares whether you’re gay, straight, or pre-op lesbian hermaphrodite – especially when its mysteriously linked to illegal immigration. It must be awful to be pummeled by allegations that aren’t true, even if there’s nothing wrong with you if they are. But this is one of these times that your arch foe, The Messiah™, might call “a teaching moment”. You can learn plenty from this blowhard bellowing to his fellow blowhards about the other blowhards, like you, they don’t like.

You can learn that it doesn’t feel so great when someone singles you out, deprives you of your right to free expression, and laughs in your face while they do it. You now know a little something about what it means to drummed out of the military, prevented from marrying, and having your ass-kicked in just about every ‘burg in the State of Wyoming. Just remember this the next time you mount your high-horse to oppose discrimination legislation of any kind.

It sucks to be persecuted for something that is no one else’s damn business.

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Waaah! We Are Not Going to Cooperate!


Posted by Omnipotent Poobah
The Repliphants Always Forget

GIVE UP! NO, YOU GIVE UP! - The Republican ideal of cooperation is to do exactly what they say, whether they win elections or not. Otherwise, don't expect help from them. It hurts their feelings when you don't genuflect.

“Waaaaah! You’re a pootiehead and I’m taking my ball and going home!”

Clearly, Republicans are in an uber-snit over health care reform and they’re spoiling for a fight through infinity and beyond (or when the Democrats leave power, whichever comes first).

As Lindsey Graham says, “The first casualty of the Democratic health care bill will be immigration reform […] that will, in my view, pretty much kill any chance of immigration reform passing the Senate this year.” In other words, he’s willing to block an issue that’s probably of more interest to Republicans than Dems – Lou Dobbs be damned.

Lindsey, if you’re looking for your nose it’s there in the gutter where it fell after cutting it off your own face.

What is This ‘Cooperation’ of Which McCain Speaks?
Famously prickly John McCain goes Lindsey one better. “There will be no cooperation [on anything] for the rest of this year. They have poisoned the well in what they’ve done and how they’ve done it.”

What’s this “cooperation” of which you speak? I must have missed it in the middle of the biggest pie fight since the Three Stooges held a bachelor party for Moe.

The Democrats, especially Obama, nearly snatched defeat from the jaws of victory with almost Bushian elan. Still, their incompetence and malfeasance is piddly in comparison to the Republiphants that always seem to forget they lost the election.

Republicans were saying no before there were even proposals on the table. Obama came into negotiations making concessions even before Congress began talking about the issue. Congress followed that up by trying to placate every crybaby who bellowed socialist without even knowing what the hell one is.

Poor Little John

WAAAAAAH! - There's nothing sader than the sight of a Republican crying because he didn't get his way.

The Party of NO and their spelling-challenged, protest sign swinging, tea-tossing kin held town halls where non-existent death panels and a host of other half-and zero-truth charges were bandied about as Limbaugh, Beck, and Hannity spewed fuel on the fire (Palin did a beauty pageant stroll in support). They refused to offer proposals of their own, claiming it wasn’t their job.

Eleventy-Billion Chances to Cooperate
Every procedural move met resistance not seen since the Tet offensive. They complained about closed-door meetings as their allegedly moderate colleagues sat in several and chewed more concessions out of Dems afraid of their own shadows. They held up debate for over a year and then complained when Dems used procedures they’ve found perfectly acceptable in the past to get the show on the road. Now, after finally losing, they vow to repeal the law and fight a guerrilla war to get it repealed.

Democrats aren’t without their blame, they stretched truths and at times needlessly angered Republicans. Moreover, you can’t say much good about Obama’s deals with Big Pharma, Big Insurance, and Big Everything. Too many Democrats demanded side deals having nothing to do with health care. And, Dems showed their jellyfish DNA long after they should have called a stop to things. The result is a flawed bill that only time will tell just how seriously.

To suggest with a straight face that Republicans cooperated when they clearly turned down eleventy-billion chances to do so is disingenuous at best and craven snotitude at worst. Saying they’re planning even more intransigence over important issues having absolutely nothing to do with health care is just smearing feces on a festering, sucking wound.

That polls show Americans don’t want health care reform at the same time the same polls say they do want each of the constituent parts is a reflection of how monumentally both sides have failed.

Everyone in this sad episode should be canned now, but that’s not an option. If both sides don’t stop this incessant whining and get on with the business of the people, there will be hell to pay. If you think the angry tea baggers are pitchfork-wielding crazies, remember you’re pushing the rest of the country to the same position.

Now STFU and get back to work before I have to stop the car and thump your dumb asses to within an inch of your lives.

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Why Does the Right Hate America?


Posted by Omnipotent Poobah

During the reign of King George the Lesser, anyone not wearing a flag, waving a flag, wrapping themselves in a flag, pledging allegiance to a flag, or being out of direct sight of a flag was a traitor who hated America. No exceptions. No room for reasonable debate. Just, “why do you hate America?”

IRONIC NEO-HATERS - Former ultra-patriots have flip-flopped now that the electoral shoe is on the other foot. One man's question is another man's hating America.

IRONIC NEO-HATERS - Former ultra-patriots have flip-flopped now that the electoral shoe is on the other foot. One man's question is another man's hate.

Of course there were other reasons to be banished from the country of your birth. Question a civil right being trampled by bullies quaking in their boots over a second-rate videographer in a Pakistani cave and you were unpatriotic. Ask why a war was conducted in the most disgraceful and incompetent manner in history and you were allegedly out to personally shit in every soldier’s mess kit in the Middle East. There were a million reasons to be declared American non-grata, large and small, but you’d never know it by those same people’s words and actions today.

Rep. Steve King (R-Stupditstan) calls for an uprising against the American government. He calls it a Velvet Revolution ala the Czech uprising, but the end result – given his druthers – would be the same…a coup.

Capitulate to the Will of the American People
“Fill this city up, fill this city, jam this place full so that they can’t get in, they can’t get out and they will have to capitulate to the will of the American people,” King said. Asked if this situation (health care reform) is like Czechoslovakia, King said, “Oh yeah, it is very, very close. It is the nationalization of our liberty and the federal government taking our liberty over. So there are a lot of similarities there.”

It seems a bit odd that a US Congressman – a sworn representative of the American government, a man who loathes those who don’t recite the Pledge, and wears a flag lapel pin with OCD-like repetition – is calling for a “revolution” in America.

Why oh why, Rep. King, do you hate America enough to revolt?

Since their favorite missing idiot returned to his village, flag-waving Texans – including their governor – are talking succession. If you’re willing to tear your state off the US map, you must hate America with a special, religious fervor. And if you use the logic they used until a year and a half ago, it would be treason to refuse saluting the rebel flag of the Republic of Texas now.

Texans, why do you hate America?

Hot Bed of the Neo-Hate America Crowd
Texas is a special hot-bed of the Neo-Hate America crowd. The Texas Board of Education launched the second most damaging thing to come out of the Texas School Book Depository since 1963 – a revised history text that recognizes only conservative dogma, Christian religion, and grants Jefferson Davis equal footing with Abraham Lincoln. They even erased some of Thomas Jefferson’s writings because he coined the term “separation between church and state” – by which, of course, they mean Christians only. Jews, Muslims, and and especially atheists need not apply.

Texas, you must really hate America to change its very history, but you are only the tip of the America-hating iceberg.

Tea Baggers from across the nation are joining the right-wing hate America movement too. They “stormed” the United States Capitol today set on running through the halls of Congress and clogging offices (well, the Democratic offices anyway). Couldn’t that be called an insurection?

Others who hate America include the Va. Attorney General, who believes his President is a Kenyan on an on again-off again basis. Sen. Lindsey Graham, considered by some to be a “moderate” America-hater, accused the Speaker of the House of liquoring up Democrats for a Kamikaze run at America.

Kentucky Senator Jim Bunning hates America so much he’s already seceded. He’s seen fit to obstruct the nation’s important business by representing Canada, and not America, from the floor of the US Senate.

During the Nixon administration, many of these same people called themselves the “Silent Majority”. However, they weren’t completely silent. They regularly offered advice to those who disagreed with them. “America, love it or leave it.”

I’d offer the same advice to them today, but I won’t because I love America.

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