As self-made Hollywood celebrities go, Kim Kardashian could be much worse. In between endless photo shoots, making sex tapes, marrying and/or dating every man in the Northern Hemisphere, and selling clothes with too much gold braid and rhinestones, she sometimes has a somewhat self-deprecating view of her fame. On one of the Kardashian clan’s reality shows (E! Entertainment – All Kardashian, All the Time), she was asked what she was famous for. “I’m the girl with the big ass,” she said.
Kim Kardashian was once asked if she knew what she was famous for. She replied, candidly and refreshingly, “I’m the girl with the big ass.” Some people might see that and lament the downfall of American civilization. I prefer to see the quintessential American story instead – parlaying nothing into a quite lucrative career. It don’t come much more entrepreneurial than that folks.
People are famous for many reasons. Sometimes it’s for being noble, sometimes for bringing the funny. There are those famous for being drug-addled train wrecks (Rush Limbaugh, I’m talkin’ about you) and those using their own fat ass to fart forth opinions on how fat another person’s ass is, notwithstanding that said person’s ass is at least 3 times smaller than his own.
But sometimes people become famous for telling the truth. When asked what her greatest claim to fame was, Kim Kardashian said, “I’m the girl with the fat ass.”
Now that’s fresh and funny, yet scathingly truthful. This is a woman who knows her place in the universe. People should be praising the heavens for a woman who provides both comedic relief and a chance for the average American couch potato to feel superior to someone else for once. It’s stress relieving really. Very therapeutic.
But Kim is being made to pay for being a societal relief valve – Kim H8Rs have begun a petition to have her booted off television. I assume these are the same people who showed all the Muslim-lovers out there that Lowes is the devil and not the home of thrifty building materials.
Lowes, Home of Low Prices
The religious zealots sure showed what they were made of though. They boycotted a place willing to sell them building materials at very reasonable prices so they could spend more at Home Depot to build their annual Christmas manger – replete with a real baby and some cows. They’ve couldn’t have sheep because they butchered them for Sunday dinner.
And the butchering wasn’t halal either.
Kim is famous, or infamous, for a variety of things. Besides the big ass, she wears extension, uses too much make up, and has the biggest set of Charlies ever seen on a regular civilian. Charlies, BTW, she uses to great effect on her sex tape and in the 6.2 million photos taken of her.
The Kardashian/Jenner clan has a tribal structure that makes the Mayans look like amoebas. At the top is stage mother Chris, the instigator of most of Kim’s stunts. Kim listens to her Stage Babby Momma and beds any random guy she can find. She knows it’s good for ratings.
Her 2 siblings come next. The cute one, Kourtney, eschews birth control to pull in the family values demographic and pumps out kids at an alarming rate – to capture the pro-life crowd. And, she does it all while trying to tame her evil hubby with a name no one remembers.
Khloe, the one people claim is a pre-op transsexual, is the relatively sane one. She clops around in hooker boots with the bobs swaying to, fro, and eventually out. But, she also gives sound advice.
“Kim stop screwing/marrying every guy you meet. Or failing that, stop video taping all of them. It’s just gross.”
“Kourt, kick your dumbass husband to the curb and for chrissakes, stop with the babies. The family already has astronomical therapy bills. ”
At the bottom of clan is Bruce Jenner. His place involves copious amounts of bad plastic surgery and being the consummate hanger-on to avoid having to deal with the reality of being a washed up athlete.
Occupy Kim!
But really, why the boycott? Yes, they can be inane and annoying at times – though I like the way mascara runs like rivers when they cry. They have that whole Tammy Faye thing going on. But what’s the harm really? Is it right to ruin the American dream for people whose only escape from reality is to watch an unreal reality show about someone who, except for the big ass, is unreal as well.
Let’s NOT boycott the advertisers, who quite frankly are only indulging in free market capitalism of the type many of this boycott’s demographic espouses. We must stop this unfair action against innocent advertisers. Like regulations, there are far too many boycotts against America’s small businesses. Small businesses like Sears, QVC, both Walmart AND Target, and something named shopbop.com (which sounds like a sort of online Whack-a-Mole store). It’s socialism by God… socialism right here in America. It’s probably because they’re Armenian… and we all know how close Armenians and Muslims are.
So I say it’s time to counter-protest and save one of America’s living treasures. Occupy Kim if you will.
God, I love this country.
Related articles
The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks About Humor, Pop Culture, and the Media (omnipotentpoobah.com)
LIAR, LIAR, HEALTH CARE ON FIRE - PolitiFacts makes the stunning discovery that the biggest lie of 2010 was, "a government takeover of health care." Who knew!
If there’s one year-end task that’s most difficult, it must be compiling the many Most of the Year, Best of the Year, Stupidest of the Year lists. Let’s face it, the modern world is a target-rich environment of cheese. Americans – especially those whom Fox News makes stupid – are addicted to these things. It gives everyone the chance to voice the opinion that whoever picked the list is a dead-wrong ass cake and there’s nothing Americans like more than eating their ass cake and having it too.
BTW, Mark Zuckerman as Time’s Man of the Year? Puhleeze! Either of the LoJoHos – LiLo or ScarJo - would be better choices. Then again, Zuckerman would easily win a contest against Kim Kardashian as Biggest Ass of the Year so everything evens out.
So without further ado – drum roll please – PolitiFact’s 2010′s Lie of the Year is… A government takeover of health care!
(Sound of crickets…)
THEY PROTEST, YOU DECIDE - A woman protesting the take over of government health care displays the reason why she's one of the viewers Fox News made stupid.
A government takeover of health care? Of all the stupid, idiotic, patently false utterances of 2000-fricking-10, that was the best you could come up with? For Chrissakes, you couldn’t swing a dead cat without hitting a lie this year. There was an election dammit! There wasn’t an election ad during the entire race that didn’t kill a hard-on with its lies.
Still, the PolitiFact’s survey did speak a truth. It recognized that in a lying-ass bumper crop of a lying year there were clear winners and those clear winners where The Party Couldn’t Talk Straight™.
It’s not that Democrats didn’t spout their own share of truthiness and bald face lies, they just used a little more finesse – sort of putting a little English on the 8-ball to grab defeat from the jaws of victory. When Republicans smacked Dems in the face with the Putrid Mackerel of Lying Bay™, the Democrats most often just genuflected and said, “Thank you sir, may I have another?”
Ten minutes later Fox News would cut in with breaking news. “Hey Brian. Republican Minority God, Mitch McConnell, has just announced that Democrats tried to coerce him into a sexually deviant behavior called, um, I’m not sure how to pronounce the word…bipartisanship – I’ll just use gay for short so as not to confuse our viewers. He said he only escaped by fighting off the gang of socialist zombies by beating them with his new $1500 wingtip shoes. After the break, we’ll go to Fox and Friends to report more details and you’ll decide they are the God’s honest truth. Back to you Gretchen!”
PolitiFacts, thanks for giving it the old college try.
