Tag Archives: Harry Reid

It’s Time for Sharia Law for Bankers


Posted by Omnipotent Poobah

So how’s that deregulated, free-market banking industry working out for ya’? If you’re one of the saps who can’t pay your mortgage – in many cases because of the financial crisis wrought by crappy loans from crappy banks on stupid bets – not so good.

Apparently, the nation’s largest banks can’t figure out how to properly foreclose on homes. Although, you’d think they had enough practice to do it in their sleep.

Oops, I forgot. These are the financial wizards who claim the collapse was a huge surprise to them. The ones who’ve claimed foreclosure is the “moral” thing to do. The ones who break into homes to change locks before the home is even in foreclosure.  I guess the light from their sky-high bonuses blinded them to reality and civil behavior.

Robbie the Robo-Signer
In a demonstration of the alleged efficiency of the private sector, Bank of America and others used “robo-signers” – people who sometimes sign as many as 6,000 foreclosures a week -  to OK them without even looking at the paper work. The problem has reached such epic proportions B of A has decided to stop all foreclosures until they can get their house in order. Several other banks are set to join them soon.

Harry Reid’s (D-Dipshitvada) response was to “thank Bank of America for doing the right thing” – which is like thanking a drunk driver for only maiming you because he hit the brakes and would’ve otherwise killed you.

Closer to the proper analysis is Tom Domonoske, a lawyer and consumer advocate in Virginia. Domonoske says the foreclosure experience is much like the predatory lending schemes that tanked the economy. “It’s the same process, falsifying documents to make them look acceptable to someone. They’re falsifying foreclosure documents so judges will look at them and say, ‘Here’s an affidavit. It’s signed.”

All the worse is that a bipartisan bill (finally bipartisanship!) making foreclosures much more difficult on homeowners comes across the President’s desk soon. He promises to veto it.

It’s not that there isn’t plenty of blame to go around for this mess. Many homeowners stupidly took on more debt than they could pay or believed slithery predatory lenders when they said being in debt ass over teakettle was all the rage. “Hey, it’s trendy! Everybody’s doing it!”

Wing-Tipped Wolverines
But despite the banks and government trying to foist the whole sad adventure onto the homeless and soon to be homeless, they look more like the super jackwads. Republicans never saw a regulation they liked. Bushbama never saw a regulation they’d enforce. And, Congress never saw a reason to nip these crapweasels in the bud during their “irrationally exuberant” phase. Everything had to collapse – something any mouse with a human brain saw coming long before it got here – for them to do anything.

And when they did something, it was to the banks’ benefit.

Here’s the thing. Government wouldn’t have to regulate banks (or any other industries) if the industries stopped doing stupid, disingenuous, and dishonest things. Most of the regulations we already have were put there to corner the wing-tipped bastards like wolverines in rut.

Now the answer everyone looks for is more regulation – regulation that gives the wolverines a nice feather bed to lay upon. We don’t need no more stinkin’ regulations, we need to enforce the ones we have…with extreme prejudice.

Since Sharron Angle thinks Sharia law is taking over the country, lets do Mohamed proud. Any banker caught breaking the rules should have his hand cut off for stealing and we should keep hacking body parts until they look like Monty Python’s blood-spurting knight.

That way, it’ll be a lot easier to run from them when they try to steal the shirt off your back.

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Sharron Angle’s Black Day at Tonopah


Posted by Omnipotent Poobah

People of Nevada, I feel your pain. I get it. Really I do. It’s not like Harry Reid has been worth much as Senate leader and I’m sure he’s sucked just as bad as your personal Senator. But fer Chrissakes, couldn’t you come up with someone to run against him other than Sharron Angle? Someone respectable, you know smart and cultured – I’m thinking Rush Limbaugh.

Back in Black

BACK IN BLACK - Crusader for Merging of Church and State, Sharron Angle, once argued the color black was evil...however, not so evil as to avoid wearing it herself.

Angle is so spectacularly bad as a candidate and – well, let’s face it – quasi-sentient being that she actually makes The Grizzly Whisperer™ look like a genius. If you elect this woman to anything, much less the US Senate, your license plates will have to say, “Welcome to Nevada, the Moron State” as a matter of truth in advertising. And that’s saying something when you’re up against the competition from Texas and Arizona. I mean those people are real pros.

An Idiot That Keeps on Giving
Nary a day goes by that Over-Sharin’ Sharron doesn’t do or say something stupid. Reporters should only ask the questions she wants to hear and write stories that only she can approve. She thinks God called her to run for Senate, proving once again that God should hire a much better class of PR flaks for his domain. She doesn’t believe in the separation of church and state and accuses Democrats of being in violation of the First Amendment Commandment. Gadzooks Nevandans!

I’ve always believed that to be a success in life you shouldn’t compare yourself to others, but use a personal yardstick to compare yourself to what you are capable of.  Angle clearly has some sort of weird metric mojo going on when it comes to her personal yardstick.

Case in point : She denies it now, but back in 1992 she came out foursquare against the scourge of black. Not black as in African American (although she doesn’t seem like a BFF of them either). Not black as in Black Friday. Not even – to employ a Nevadaism – blackjack. No, Sharron Angle is against black…the color. Specifically, the color of football jerseys at Tonopah High.

It’s evil. It’s close to sacrilege she said of a move to change the school’s jerseys to red. So evil in fact that she agitated to have the change repealed, the jerseys seized and put under lock and key, and the kids who bought them left holding the bag because the school wouldn’t reimburse them.

I suppose we could infer from this that Sharron would lead the charge against all sorts of other “colorism” too.

The Amish Are Evil
Priests and ministers would have to exorcise their black vestments. Amish folks would have to wear hot pink (because we all know what raving, hell-raising devil-worshipers they are). Black Flag insecticide would be verboten and the Oakland Raiders banned from the football field – although some would think that an improvement.

I’m used to politicians saying and doing stupid things. It is what they do and you can expect a certain amount of that from the sheer volume of hogswallop they spew. Talk enough and you’re bound to look like a goob occasionally. It’s an occupational hazard. But I’m aghast to say she easily snatches the Scepter of Stupidity from Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann. Even the unholy Troika of  Trolldom, Ann Coulter, Michelle Malkin, and all the Fox News blondie bubbleheads rolled into one, run a distant second.

So people of Nevada, take mercy on the rest of us. Harry’s worthless, but at least he’s emasculate. Sharron is so stupid she might even figure out how to be dangerous – although I admit I may be giving her mental powers more credit than they deserve. Don’t elect this pinhead. We already have enough trouble as it is. Good God, Newt Gingrich might even make a comeback and that would be worse than a lifetime supply of Glenn Beck reruns!

Elect Sharron Angle and it will be a black day for us all.

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You Know You Might Be a Moderate If…


Posted by Omnipotent Poobah
Moderate Voter

THE AMERICAN POLITICAL PROCESS - What the hell, it's as good a reason as any. It's not like it means anything.

This is the last installment in our You Know You Might Be a (Fill in the Blank) If series. If you missed Parts 1 and 2, don’t forget to read:

You know you might be a moderate if you:

  • Are part of the undecided vote in every poll.
  • Wish you could vote by remote control so you wouldn’t have to miss a minute of Real Housewives of Cincinnati.
  • Only vote every third election, regardless of what kind of election it is or what kinds of initiatives are on the ballot.
  • Know so little about candidates that you vote for whoever appears at the top of the ballot.
  • Still vote for Pat Paulson just to piss off the real politicians.
  • You think the three branches of government are dumb, dumber, and dumbest.
  • You think Supreme Court decisions are based on rationality or fairness rather than the Constitution.
  • You think Congress sucks, but every time you see something screwed up you say, “There oughta be a law…”
  • You think that voters can vote on the constitutionality of laws.
  • Vote the way the last campaign worker outside the polls told you to.
  • Will only cast your vote if it doesn’t “cancel out” your spouse’s.
  • Find punch card ballots advanced technology.
  • Think all out war is justifiable until you find out how many people get killed and how much it costs.
  • You watch Katie Couric, Brian Williams, or Jay Leno for all your news.
  • Don’t watch the Daily Show because you don’t get the jokes.
  • Don’t realize the Daily Show is a comedy show.
  • Can’t drive a stick shift.
  • Love the in-depth articles in USA Today.
  • Are for something before you are against something, right after you were for it and against it simultaneously.
  • Are annoyed that ballots aren’t in multiple choice format.
  • Don’t know who Sarah Palin is.
  • When you find out who she is, you think you could vote for her because she has an honest face.
  • Think taxes are too high while voting for high-ticket ballot initiatives.
  • Don’t understand why they haven’t been able to find that Osama Bin Laden fella after all these years.
  • Don’t recognize the names Mitch McConnell, Harry Reid, or Nancy Pelosi, but can name all the judges and contestants to ever appear on So You Think You Can Dance.
  • Were going to vote, but hadn’t heard about it being election day.
  • Complain vociferously about policies and elected officials while ignoring the fact you didn’t vote.
  • Believe in term limits so you won’t have to vote as often.
  • Hate it when a Presidential address comes on and “ruins my shows”.
  • You carry more than $25,000 on your credit card and don’t understand how long it will take to pay it off in minimum payments.
  • You think the answer to paying off the debt on one credit card can be reduced by transferring it all to a new credit card with a 0.1% lower APR.
  • Can’t balance a checkbook (although this could also be equally true for liberals and conservatives).
  • Think war is imminent when a story appears saying the Pentagon has a war plan for invading North Korea without realizing they have constantly updated plans for every country on Earth…including Canada.
  • Think the mainstream media is too liberal.
  • Think the mainstream media is too conservative.
  • Think the mainstream media is both too conservative and too liberal at the same time.
  • Don’t know what the terms liberal and conservative mean.
  • Never read newspapers, magazines, or watch the news.
  • Complain Congress is made up of fat cats while voting for CEOs whose previous experience was turning their former companies into smoking holes in the ground while collecting a severance package greater than the GDP of Guatemala.
  • Complain about unions while taking time off from your 40-hour a week job to get company-supplied medical treatment for the black lung and crushed leg you got in a non-union coal mine.
  • Complain about executive compensation, but follow the company’s voting recommendation when the proxy statement for your 3 shares of AT&T shows up.
  • Thought Ted Stevens gave an enlightening explanation of the tubes and trucks that make up the Internet.
  • Spend a lot of time playing war-based video games while being undecided about Iraq and Afghanistan.
  • Couldn’t form an opinion if your life depended on it.
  • Don’t remember to mail in your absentee ballot until 3 months after the election after finding it in the junk drawer in your kitchen.
  • Appreciate the points from both right and left, but can’t vote because the positions seem so similar.
  • Think all Congressional votes are based on a simple majority.

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John Ensign Can’t Buy Friends, He Has No Money


Posted by Omnipotent Poobah

It's a Family Affair

IT'S A FAMILY AFFAIR: From left to right - John Ensign (Adulterer), Darlene Ensign (Aggrieved Wife), Darlene Hampton (Slut), and Doug Hampton (Cuckold)

As the old saying goes, 50,000 flies can’t be wrong. Then on the other hand, 49,999 of them could be right and one of them is just a wingnut. Meet Robert Donald who has the dubious distinction of being the sole contributor to Nevada Sen. John Ensign’s reelection campaign.

Ensign, the C-Street maven, adulterer, and all-round religiously kookie gadfly is the guy who borrowed $96,000 from Mom and Dad -  MOM! DAD! Get out your checkbook! – to pay off his paramour’s cuckold.

Donald isn’t a millionaire pal of Ensign’s angling to get health care quashed or block banking reform. Nope, Donald is just plain folks. A folk who tossed big money – two contributions of $25 each – into Ensign’s Reelect the Crapweasel slush fund. If he keeps it up, Ensign might be able to take his next mistress to dinner somewhere other than the Congressional Dining Room. Heck, 50-bucks isn’t even enough for Ensign to pay Mom and Dad back the interest on their “loan”.

All Men are Dogs, Says Man
But Donald is not only a happy contributor, but a bit of a cracker barrel philosopher too. “He did some bad things with his personal life,” Donald said. Besides, “all men are dogs, the way I look at it.” The mistress and Mrs. Ensign feel the same way, I’m sure.

Ensign can’t buy friends like Donald – literally. The Justice Department is looking into whether Mom and Dad’s “contribution” was illegal or any other ethics laws were broken. Perhaps ethics laws like sleeping with your friend’s wife and then putting her on the payroll for a job well done.

But Donald is loyal, if a bit of a cheapskate. “As a senator, he’s doing the right thing, ” Donald said. “He votes the right way.” Of course, you’d never know it by his fellow Republicans who are shunning him like a heretic in front of the Mormon Tabernacle.

There are plenty of cases of Escaped Dick Syndrome in Washington – “if you have an erection lasting longer than 2 terms, contact your doctor – this is only one of them. Overall, the public seems to be getting immune to stories like this. For the most part, no one cares except Pat Robertson and he only cares when it’s a Democrat.

Feather Dusters Stuck Up Ancient, Wrinkly Bums
We’re becoming more French or Italian in that we accept powerful men with mistresses as the way of the world. After all, it’s not like they’re British politicians who are more frequently caught wearing fishnets, clucking like chickens, and running around the halls of Parliament with feather dusters stuck up their ancient, wrinkly bums.

Of course, you could quibble that Ensign and the rest of the pious C-Street Rat Pack should be reprimanded for hypocrisy with oak leaf clusters. But then if having a mistress – which effects no one other than them – is the worst thing they do I’d call it a good, though, low-paying day.

Ensign’s fund-raising performance is so grotesquely bad it’s funny. Mainstream Republicans and Teabaggers alike hate him and by comparison, fellow Nevada Sen. Harry Reid looks like a frickin’ genius, which is no small feat. It’s also bittersweet that poor old Robert Donald is standing by him like a dog waiting on the train platform for a master who’ll never come.

After all, he can’t.  Fifty bucks ain’t enough for a ticket.

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It’s Time to Put Droopy Dog Out


Posted by Omnipotent Poobah

Stupid political question of the day: Should Joe Lieberman be “punished” for his role in obstructing the democratic agenda?

”HELL YES!” Moreover, the next heads to roll ought to be the democratic leadership and The Messiah for enabling the dopily grinning weasel as he causes no end to trouble.

Joe "Droopy Dog" LiebermanThe dems thought a shovel-ready alliance with a man who bolted the party after finding a political shiv placed there by them was just the thing to grab a filibuster-proof Senate majority. Harry Reid, as our Don Knotts Impersonator-in-chief, I ask you, “If your compatriots threw you under the bus as you did Joe, would you crawl back without a smidge of hate in your quaking ancient heart?”

I thought not.

Lieberman quit and formed his Party of One and has given more grief to the dems than Yertle the McConnell could while rolling downhill with a stiff wind at his crippled old back.

Joey cajoled his old overlords into letting him keep his valuable chairs and other party favors. Since then he’s used every opportunity repay the largesse by acting the spoiler in an on-going game of keep-away using his allegedly filibuster-proof vote. If Olympia Snowe quit to form her own party, do you think the republicans would allow her to let bygones be bygones?

Attila the Rove would titter like a schoolgirl over the question.

It’s time for Joe to stop rubbing the dems’ naive noses in it and start being serious about supporting his constituents and helping the country climb out of the hole that shenanigans like his dug us into. If not, heave him into a lifeboat with no food, water, or oar. The skeevy, lying little bastard deserves no less.

It’s time for the dems to understand he’s not a help, but a huge liability. They should use every opportunity to politically stomp him like the maggot he is and spend a little effort trying to entice Oly Snowe over the fence.

Even if the dems can’t seduce Oly, it’s time to remedy a lose/lose situation. An iffy filibuster-proof vote from a man who continuously threatens filibusters is simply worthless. The longer they cave to Joe’s ever-increasing and unreasonable demands, the longer they’ll take getting anything done and the faster they’ll roll toward the scrap heap of history. By allowing him to caucus with them, they’re letting the man frustrate them ad-nauseum. They’ve let him set up shop as some sort of one-man shadow senate who gets to wield power well-past his right or aptitude.

And, the Bipartisan-in-Chief isn’t blameless either. Coming through the door with a proposal and offering to immediately eviscerate the thing isn’t the politics of change, it’s the politics of disaster. That goes double when you lean on your party to capitulate to any demand he makes like he’s James Frickin’ Cameron screaming “I’m King of the Worrrrrrld” at the Academy Awards.

Say goodbye to Joe. He’s over-stayed his welcome.

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