Randomness: Lady Gaga Style

Canadian Water Polo

LONDON 2012 CALLING - The Canadians are convinced their women's water polo team can do for that sport what it did for curling. Click photo >>

Too Much of a Bad Thing Makes You Go GagA

They Blinded Us With Science

The Triumph of the Capitalist Will

Huh?

Geeks With a Traveling Show

Crimes of Witless Passion

It’s Not Just the Japanese Language That’s the Barrier

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Reagan: 50 Ways to Scare the Moths Out of Your Wallet

WHEN $50 ISN'T ENOUGH - Since it's unlikely Reagan ever saw something as small as a $50 bill, perhaps a higher denomination is in order.

WHEN $50 ISN'T ENOUGH - Since it's unlikely Reagan ever saw something as small as a $50 bill, perhaps a higher denomination is in order.

Of all the things this country desperately needs, St. Ronnie of Reagan’s wrinkly-assed, ancient mug on a $50 bill is the least of them. We don’t need his name on airports, aircraft carriers, nor innumerable middle schools. No St. Ronnie of Reagan churches, no Ronnie slept here historical markers, no Ronald Reagan Memorial Waste Water plants.

I’m even in favor of renaming the Ronald Reagan Library because politicians are poor role models and shouldn’t have anything more named for them than absolutely necessary. (I’m strongly in favor of renaming the George W. Bush Presidential Library too, but less because he’s a politician than because he couldn’t find a “libary” if his dumb ass depended on it.)

While most of the rest of the world goes with painters, musicians, or something else innocuous – like souvlakis or cheese sandwiches – we hold steadfast to pasting the mugs of dead politicos on our cash. Oddly, we have this in common with the many dictators who like seeing themselves on every available flat surface in their country. “Hey, lets put my face on the dinar so it matches the gold sofa in my Presidential palace – or I will execute you!”

Yet, Rep. Patrick T. McHenry (R-Neptune), sees this as essential Congressional “bidness”. He says St. Ronnie deserves to scare the moths out of everyone’s wallet because he ranks higher than Ulysses in presidential polls. Following Patrick McHenry’s (“Give me McLiberty or give me McDeath!) logic, Rutheford B. Hayes, Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton, and Grover Cleveland should all get their faces on money before Ronnie.

It’s a lame reason anyway. It’s also lame because Ronnie was a shit, morally and politically, and did not single-handedly take down the Berlin Wall brick by asbestos-covered brick as the more deluded politicians – who’d knock RR’s vacant smile off money in a minute if they thought they could get anyone to put their own blockish heads on instead – would have you believe.

I say let’s take all politicians off money completely. I say let’s go for some butterflies or pretty amber waves of grain. Hell, I bet a majestic purple mountain on the $50 would be a vast improvement over a drunken, middling, Republican war hero OR a retired B-movie actor with a background in sports broadcasting, a crappy memory, and running the California and Federal governments into the ground. Even a photo of a dog would be preferable.

I hereby nominate my sharbrador, Fiona.

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