Christine O’Donnell: Dear God, Change Your Mind


IT'S SAD - For every person praying for Christine O'Donnell to win the election, there are others asking The Big Guy to stop her. Only time will tell whose side God will be on.

During her short time on the political stage, Christine O’Donnell has generated such incredible buffoonery she could start an “All Christine, All the Time” cable channel. Rupert Murdoch might want to talk to her about it. They seem to be made for each other – a win/win of biblically crapulent, synergistic proportions.

Almost everything that comes out of Chritine’s mouth is hilarious. Sometimes it’s in a Gracie Allen bubblehead sort of  way – “Hey, I dabbled in the witchcraft. My oh my, silly old me!” Sometimes it’s in a weird Kids in the Hall sort of way – “I’ll crrrrush your head and your evil masturbating ways too!” But, she actually believes some of the gooferous stuff she says and expects the rest of us to as well.

Her latest political/religious clone of a statement rivals her contention that scientists have developed mice with human brains. After taking her campaign lumps repeatedly, and responded with a series of demonstrably untrue statements or dubious “facts”, she still hasn’t gotten the kind of uncritical, Sharron Angle-style “leave me alone and don’t embarrass me” coverage she craves – or as media-savvy Sharron says, “I only want them to ask the questions I want to answer.”

Bring Out the Big Guy

Who, Me?

WHO, ME? - "God are you sure I'm the one you're picking? When you called, I thought maybe it was a wrong number."

“OUCH!” It’s time to bring out the Big Guy, personal friend and savior of non-Muslim Tea Partiers and Republicans everywhere.

Christine stopped by the Christian Broadcasting Network to explain why she stays in a political race that is turning her into a laughing stock.

As often happens with religious zealots dressed in right wing, fringe-bedecked vestments, she said God didn’t wanna let her quit. “…you see that if it weren’t for faith, when all logic said it’s time to quit, we pursued, we marched on, because we knew God was not releasing us to quit,” she said, referring to herself in the third person.

Christine, you’d have been better off to stop at logic before playing the God card.

As a young man questioning my own faith, I used to think about the many inconsistencies I saw in religious dogma. For example, if two football teams prayed before a game to win, how was it possible for one team to win, the other to lose, and not question how one  got short-changed on their “faith” and fervent prayers that they would win?

My religious betters gave many reasons for this, most of them seeming  specious to me.

“Obviously, one team believed more strongly and therefore God granted them their wish,” went one explanation. “God was demonstrating that not all prayers come true, even if you fervently do your best to make them happen,” went another. When the answers I got didn’t seem to match the questions I had, I was often treated to the all-purpose, “God works in mysterious ways,” explanation.

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with believing there is no contradiction there. There’s nothing wrong with believing you got the short end of the political coverage stick – even while not considering the stupid things you’ve said. However, there is something troubling about blaming illogical decisions on God.

It’s Unfair to God
First, it’s unfair to God to put him in such a tenuous position. He has enough problems. Second, it gives you a convenient out every time something doesn’t go your way. “Hey, it wasn’t my fault. I talked to the Big Guy and he said it was OK for me to fudge my educational background“. Or, George the Lesser’s penchant for “talking to God” only to be told everything was hunky dory and he should just keep on keeping on as the country went to hell around him.

There’s a reason it’s good advice to not mix religion and politics. More often than not, one has nothing – as in Christine’s case – with the other. It’s also common that biblical explanations often doesn’t hold much sway with voters, even devoutly religious ones.  And when you say that you talked to God and he told you that it’s perfectly OK to, say, deprive Muslims of the same constitutional rights you reserve for yourself, many people are going to think your celestial cell phone needs some repair.

There is a place for religion in politics, just as there is a place for politics in the pulpit. However, in the middle of a campaign where your are partially representing yourself as God’s chosen candidate, you’re out of bounds and it’s unlikely you’ll feel the need to represent the majority of us who want to keep their politics and religion unmixed if you are elected.

Let’s just hope God changes his mind.

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