It’s hard to believe, but George W. Bush was once the second coming of the Stupid Messiah©. Legions of dumb-struck followers predicted a legacy of greatness second only to the Gipper. Today, people run from him like the sight of a boil being lanced on Mitt Romney’s wrinkly, pasty ass. But George still appeals to some. They hold him in such great esteem they’ve cannonized Bush as an objet d’art.
Oh brother, that’s rich! Suddenly, George W. Bush is no longer the crazy uncle no one wants to talk about. Some key Republicans have stopped running away from him like Usain Bolt with a rocket up his ass to turn and tell the world what a magnificent ass cake the Texas Tugjob really was. With apologies to Sally Field, “They hate him, they really hate him!”
Until now if you brought up George the Lesser in Republican quarters you’d likely get an, “Um, I think I left my lights on,” with a quick exit. Sure they knew he was a carbuncle on the ass of society, but how do you cop to supporting an incompetent boob for eight years and spend the next four blaming all the steaming turds he left on someone else?
It turns out you do it cravenly.
Before 9/11, George W. Bush was destined for a middling legacy. There was no great indication his administration would become the clustercoitus it became. His biggest “accomplishment” was a cut-em’-in-half, Solomonaic decision to ban stem cell testing while using up the existing supply of “the unborn”. When he delivered his announcement, he had that deer in the headlights squint that would become so familiar and ridiculed in the years to come.
Then came September 11. We call it 9/11. The universal emergency number is a fitting tribute to him.
After first, he didn’t perform terribly. Sure, his initial reaction was a little stunned and appearing on TV shortly after the attacks he looked harried and panicked. Who wouldn’t? But after regaining his composure, he did mostly the right things…at first.
There were plenty of smoking holes left after the Shitkicker-in-Chief retired to a life of Texas Rangers baseball games and interviews about how swell it was being President. Everything from the big league economic pooch-screwing to an erosion of civil rights so complete we’re barely left with a ground down pencil nub haunts us. The Big O is responsible now, by virtue of being at the wrong place at the wrong time, but it is still an unusually big burden to bear. The screeching flock of Republican albatrosses around his neck nipping his ass doesn’t help either.
George Bush and Mitt Romney share myriad similarities. Each has two-scoops of hubris in their bowls of Raisin Bran. Both have an uncanny ability to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. Mitt spends as much time with his wingtips in his mouth as George spent with his West Texas shit-kickers in his. For both, a gaffe isn’t so much a mistake as it is a rounded hook used to pull their dumb asses off the world stage. The list goes on. It is very long.