Gay Rights: A Fight that Cannot Truly be Won

""The Supremes have decided about gay marriage along very predictable ideological  lines and — if you’ll excuse an unfortunate metaphor — the butt hurt is strong in some. Some of my conservative friends are in a funk, convinced they are doomed to irrelevancy for eternity. Others are — again, excuse the metaphor — taking the intransigent “The straight shall rise again” approach. Neither of these positions are true and what’s more, neither of them are very cogent.

Gay supporters, forget the notion the fight is over. Gay marriage may now be simply marriage, but that doesn’t mean truly equal rights. Depending on the state, legally married queer folk can still be fired or have benefits denied. Systemic discrimination will live on. People who won’t live next door to “one of those” or that drop a vicious remark or intentional slight abound. They won’t go away…ever. People are like that. You can legislate discrimination. You can’t legislate human emotions, no matter how hard you try.

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Why Do Conservatives Hate America, Er, Sex

UPDATE: GOP Calls For More Anti-Porn Enforcement… As Red States View The Most Porn

Explain why you don’t wear a flag pin on your pajamas, or that the 10 Commandments and the Bill of Rights are entirely separate documents, or why you believe Barack Obama is an American citizen to a rabid conservative and they’re likely to ask, “Why do you hate America?”

My question for them is, “Why do you hate sex?”

After all, conservative Catholics believe the celibate ringleader of the world’s largest pedophile ring when he says sex is for procreation – no fun allowed.

And that whole homo sex thing reads like swing set assembly instructions written by Siberian prison labor outsourced by Bain Capital. “Tab-ski A only fits in Slot-ski B, but never insert Tab C-ski in Slot D-ski” – so confusing.

Just exactly how does gay marriage degrade your own marriage? How does a soldier who doesn’t mention being gay and that you don’t ask about being gay become gay by being asked or telling? Perhaps you wouldn’t be so confused if you didn’t interrupt Larry Craig for an explanation while he is practicing his wide stance at Minneapolis International. I’m given to understand wide stance consummation can be very distracting.

You also like your experts in morality. Just ask David Vitter, a man who visits more prostitutes than Charlie Sheen. When you need advice on strong marriages serial adulterer Newt Gingrich will explain it all…politics made him do it.

When you’re helping that unplanned son or daughter with their biology homework ask just about any other conservative male how lady plumbing works. They really know their stuff. Michele Bachmann can help the kids get extra credit by explaining how HPV vaccine causes cancer.

Why do you feel a swell of, um, “pride” when the little woman whispers, “Oh God, oh God, oh God” while faking an orgasm? Isn’t that using the Lord’s name in vain?

Everyone knows you think sex toys are the work of the devil. So bad, you want to try owners in a court forbidding Sharia law, which ironically really cracks down on the dildo-wielding set. Still, I understand why you’re embarrassed. The 5-year old walking out during the pastor’s visit yelling, “Look Mommy, I found a rocket ship!” can be mortifying – especially when the reverend suggests that dunking you like a witch in the baptismal pool will drive the devil out.

You believe promise rings are an effective form of birth control, that kids will never discover sex unless the Obamunists expose them to sex education in school, and that pregnancy begins with a gleam in Daddy’s debauched eye…but that’s OK, because men are entitled by God to be debauched.

Finally, why are you so obsessed with everyone else’s sex life?

I hear getting laid will help with that.

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Randomness: 25 Things People Are Saying (Part II)

Who knew a chicken sandwich could be come a political symbol for a very real and serious argument over civil rights for homosexuals? The world has become a very strange place, so it’s time to choke some chicken and get to the 25 things people are saying about the Chick-fil-A controversy.

Take a vacashun frum beef

Free Bigotree with UR Chikin

Whee Ar Gay

Love Thy Gaybors

One Man One Woman

Who Lined Up for the Homeless Shelter?

Not Man or Cowz

Eat More Cock

Chicks Are Gay

Dress Like Me. Git Free Chikin

Eat Mor Chickin

Cant Hide My Pride

Nuthin' to Say

Male & Female Created He Them

Chick-fil-A coupon

Chick-fil-A Song

Family Value

Chick Puppy

Chick-fil-A Twitter

God Hates Chick-fil-A

Ate Mor Gay

Chick Church Sign

What He Heck

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