IS IT BIG TIPS PAT? - No matter how hard she tried, Sarah was never quite able to get her mind INTO the gutter. Click photo for more >>

Italians Have 467 Words for Boobs, But Strangely None for Snow

• Booleans for boobs.
• Julia was an early bloomer, and a late bloomer, and well, she’s still blooming.
• I wonder if women with implants can do that from the inside?
• Sure, it’s a catchy job title, but you might want to avoid putting it on your resume.
• Flashing your boobs is a firing offense?! When did that happen?
• Hey, hey! Her face is up here!
• Until I saw this I would’ve argued there were no “worst kind of boobs“.
• Direct quote of the week: “What’s the ideal thing to jerk off into? I’m a paper towel guy. Not as weak as tissues and bigger than a napkin. One Brawny sheet and I’m done.”
• Kristin Davis, a candidate you can get behind.
• Holy anal lube Batman, I just saw the bat signal!
• In search of complete online privacy, thousands closed their Facebook accounts in favor of a social site that was a little less, um, private?
• I went to this really expensive spa and all I got was Vajazzeled.
• A surefire sign you need to get out more often.
• Maybe I”m lazy, but shoryuken looks like a lot of work without much of a payoff.
• OK, nothing more need be said about this link.
• What the hell is wrong with kids these days?
• When playing strip poker, John just could not hide his throbbing hard tell.

Pop Culture on Parade

• We hate the sin, but we still want to love the sinner – we just don’t want to be so crude about it.
• Finally, statistical proof that the Fox News anchors are ubergoobs.
• “Which of these things art not like thine others” — Dooderhominy 9.11.
• If you think this is excessive, you should see the Pentagon’s rules for the new, You Can Ask, But I Really Do Not Want to Embarrass You by Telling policy.
• Don’t applaud, you’ll only encourage him.
• Sometimes going green takes a little extra effort.
• For the last time, shoot me! Don’t make me stop this car an….BANG!
• It smells real good too, you betcha. (To the esteemed Blue Gal)
• I’m guessing that the nude husband in bed isn’t going to get any from her tonight.
• Best headline EVAH – “Betty White, Wielding Flaming Chainsaw, Riding Centaur John Ritter…in a Cape” Um, just to be clear, she’s in the cape. Centaurs don’t wear them.
• Run! Run for your lives! The USS BP Asscake is coming into port!
• Obviously, a “drive safely” campaign in China means something entirely different in the rest of the world.
• It’s things like this that cause people to hate Star Wars junkies.

There Must Be Something in the Japanese Water

• Frankly, I can never tell when they’re weird.
• Japan found its place in the world and never looked back.

Surfin’ the Crime Wave

• “OK, everyone put up your hands and nobody will get vibrated.”
• It’s like taking candy from a baby. Well, maybe not exactly like candy, but more like a BMW pram.
• But the worst part of the whole incident is that the cell provider charged their estates big bucks for breaking their service contracts.
• Apparently the kids grow up fast in Kansas City.
• Once more people, kids don’t come with an instruction manual, so please take time to research some do’s and don’t's. Thank you.

Row, Row, Row Your Bot….

• Dear God, whatever you do don’t let Toys R Us know about this.
• Man, I need me one of these!
• Gettin’ jiggy wid it.

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THE GOLFING MESSIAH? - Brit Hume thinks the way to Tiger's redemption goes through the front door of the local Christian church. However, Tiger's choice seems to be through the local whorehouse.

Fox’s Big Giant Talking Head, Brit Hume, was criticized this week for offering life advice to Tiger Woods. Surely, Tiger could use some good advice (like staying away from nunneries), but Hume’s suggestion that Tiger have a “come to Jesus conversion” rankles many people. That seems slightly off base.

No matter how bone-headed you may personally think Hume’s idea is – and I count myself in that group – his saying it shouldn’t be a problem. The Constitution doesn’t deny freedom of speech to congenital idiots, even (or due directly to) using Faux News as their media of choice. Besides, of all the swill Fox has peddled over the years this is innocuous stuff. Hume pontificating about Christianity to the Fox audience is like preaching to the choir.

Many people objected to what the Humidor said because they perceived it as dissing other religions in favor of Christianity. That may be true, but it’s an opinion not unlike Muslims dissing Hume, so we’re talking angels dancing on the heads of tiny little crucifixes. Making it sound like Christianity has cornered the market on forgiveness and redemption may be misleading, but I suspect that Hume has only a cursory knowledge of other religions and is more ignorant than willful. Certainly, that issue affects all religions and atheists too. For the most part, you are what you know.

But, ponder this: If Tiger had any interest in leading a pious life would he be where he is now? My guess is that Tiger radically changing anything is nil. In fact, the carrot Hume put on the end of his stick simply plays into Tiger’s demons.

I’ve known quite a number of people who were, well, assholes for much of their life. They screwed as many of their common brethren as possible and laughed about it all the way to the bank, jail, or country club. However, come walk to the light time, they seize on Christianity’s Get Out of Hell provision like the last life jacket on the Andrea Doria. They see the light and they, along with many other believers, sing hallelujah. To be fair, some practitioners might see the ruse and argue that since the deathbed repentance may be virgin fluff sacrificed to a righteous God it doesn’t count. Off to eternal hellfire and damnation! It’s not good to poke God in the eye with a stick.

At the end of the day, Hume can say anything he wants. Even 48 inch, HD, flat-screens have off buttons. Tiger will still be able to take or turn down Hume’s advice as he sees fit. Approximately zero people will be affected by what Hume says or by Tiger’s actions. It’s really no one else’s business other than their own.

Now, can we go back on the mistress hunt? It’s just starting to get juicy.

Related Articles

• Hume Decries Persecution By Critics, Reiterates It Would Be ‘Magnificent’ To ‘Witness’ Tigers Woods’ Conversion (thinkprogress.org)
• Ellis Weiner: My Message of Redemption for Brit Hume (huffingtonpost.com)
• Brit Hume speaks, again (washingtonmonthly.com)
• Hume Claims He’s not Proselytizing While Still Proselytizing (videocafe.crooksandliars.com)
• Brit Hume Confuses Faith and Religion on Tiger Woods (usnews.com)
• Hume on Tiger Woods, no big deal (powerlineblog.com)

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