Dominican Republic | The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

RELAXIN' RANGEL - For Charlie Rangel may be relaxing now, but if justice has anything to do with it, he'll be soon be packing his bags and headed for his Dominican Republic getaway - or the Federl pen, which ever comes first.

RELAXIN' RANGEL - Charlie Rangel may be relaxing now, but if justice has anything to do with it, he'll be soon be packing his bags and headed for his Dominican Republic getaway - or the Federal pen, whichever comes first.

Legislators are as expert as lobbyists and CEOs when it comes to crowding the edge of anti-graft law. For instance, take Representative Charles Rangel. He’s been seated at the top of the political heap in Washington for more years than many can count and his robust girth shows just how well he’s feasted at the table of the powerfully privileged. If he was ever an honest man, those pretensions have fallen away to expose someone who feels it is his natural due to cheat on taxes and take bribes. There are plenty of arrogant CEOs who could learn a thing or two from Charlie and, for a fee directed to a Swiss bank account, I’m sure Charlie would teach them.

In a rare show of bipartisanship, both sides of the aisle agree he’s probably guilty of the accusations accumulated around him. He’s an embarrassment to his party and to the Congress as a whole, yet almost no one has seen fit call him out. Democrats don’t want to call attention to their own party’s contributions to Washington’s grafty suckhole. Republicans want to let sleeping dogs lie so they aren’t reminded of the many Republican scandals already in their rearview mirror and the ticking time bombs that still occupy the overstuffed chairs of the House. You know something’s out of whack when the Party of No won’t even say it.

In short, the entire conversation doesn’t revolve around Charlie’s guilt or innocence, it orbits political calculus. How much to say or whether to say anything at all is determined by the number of seats under DNC control, whether Charlie will spill the dirt he holds on others, or give the opposition a stick with which to heavily beat the majority about the face and neck. There’s nary a water cooler conversation that says dick about the right thing to do…

Unload the crooked sumbitch.

We don’t need “brave” politicians at a time like this. We don’t need equally crooked pols preaching “throw the bum out” while accidentally outing themselves as Charlie’s equals in the fine art of grifting. All we really require is for Nancy Pelosi, or any other member of Congress for that matter, to stand up and say, “Sorry Charlie. It’s time to go.”

That’s an unlikely scenario. More likely, Charley will fester until he pops himself onto the street like an infected, puss-proud zit poked with an ill-turned phrase or testimony from someone who refuses to stay paid off after cashing the checks. Greedy crapulence doesn’t lend itself to wise decision making, and that puts Mr. Rangel at a distinct disadvantage. The first rule in politics is to hide until they find you and then scream, “Do whatever you want to the girl, just don’t hurt me!”

There are two other scenarios. The Messiah of Changinology could stand up and force his semi-obedient Congressional lackeys to act – demonstrating first hand that what he preaches, he practices – the politics of change. Or, Charley could rediscover the lost phrase, “my bad”, take his lumps, and stumble off to his villa in the Dominican Republic wearing an e-bracelet on his ankle.

Yeah, like that’ll happen.