David Vitter: People Who Live in Rubber Rooms Shouldn’t Throw Stones

DIAPERMAN – Vitter needs to look at himself before buying into rumor-mongers like the Birthers. That whole diaper fetish thing may come back to haunt him.

There are only a handful of people in Congress that can compare to Rep. Michele Bachman (R-WTFistan) for sheer, willful igrnorance and buffoonery, but right at the top of the short list has to be Sen. David Vitter (R-Asshatylvania).

Vitter answered a question from an Orly Taserer over the weekend about Barack Obama’s, “refusal to produce a valid birth certificate.” Rather than just saying “it’s already been settled” and rolling his eyes like any sane person, Vitter provided an answer as slick as Lousiana’s best BP crude. The answer simultaneously proved he knows the correct answer, is a-skeered of some his own inbred constituents, and has mastered the age-old technique of all charlatans – flinging guano at someone else so as not to get any on their own shoes.

Vitter never said anything about Obama and the state of Hawaii producing birth records so many times that Hawaii has started turning down requests and judges have batted away frivilous lawsuits like Vitter swats bats in his own belfrey.

No, he said he supports “conservative legal organizations and others who would bring that to court. I think that is the valid and most possibly effective grounds to do it.” In other words, “I ain’t sayin’ it’s true, but it’s a mighty interestin’ question.”

Is Vitter a Birther by Birth?

He provided some additional cover for himself by saying, “I think if we focus on that issue and let our eye off the ball … I think that’s a big mistake.” Which

Bring on the Clowns

BRING IN THE CLOWNS! - David Vitter apparently looks up to Orly Taitz as a paragon of sense and rationality.

is another way of saying, “I told ’em harpin’ on the issue was a ‘big mistake’ (right after I told ’em they should keep the rumor ball goin’).” And just to hedge his bets, his office isn’t returning calls to answer the direct question of whether he is a birther himself.

Pretty slick for a world-class idiot.

You’d think Vitter would shy away from fueling patently untrue rumors. He’s been a victim of them himself. But perhaps that’s giving the dunderdick more credit than he’s due.

A few years back, Mr. Family Values’ name came up on the client list of DC Madam, Deborah Palfrey. Almost immediately rumors began to spread that Mr. Vitter occasionaly stopped by Palfrey’s House of the Rising Republicans to partake in a little diaper play – presumably because Mrs. Vitter found him childish enough without being his sexual wet nurse too.

A Stance as Wide as All Outdoors
It was a believable enough rumor, I mean you could profile the guy like a zany senator with a stance so wide it spreads across two stalls in the pissoir. It just seemed like the sort of thing he’d do – which is precisely why Vitter had such a tough time putting the rumor to rest.

It really doesn’t matter whether he likes his nappies changed by a professional. It is, after all, personal behavior which is his own business, much like homosexual conduct is personal business (but that’s a whole other post). You’d think he’d remember how you can get sucked into rumors and have your reputation sullied by half denials and your opponents’ obfuscations.

Vitter could use some advice, so here it is:

People who live in rubber rooms shouldn’t throw stones.

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