Gee willikers, it seems Congress’s deficit “super committee” is having trouble reaching their goal of reducing the deficit $1.5 trillion by their Nov. 23 deadline. Who could’ve guessed a committee of 6 Democans and 6 Republicrats wouldn’t rise above the obstruction in Congress’s bowels to avoid a prolapse in the nation’s economic ass.
The answer: the same dolts who didn’t see the economic implosion coming.
PICK ONE DAMMIT! - Is Obama a Nazi, a Socialist, or a Communist. If you're going to call people names, at least pick an ideological position and stick with it.
When is a Nazi not a Nazi? Apparently after you parse your words closely enough to find a lame loophole to avoid what you said. Like Rep. Steve Cohen (D-Stupidville), for example.
It’s distressingly easy to find Democrats calling Republicans Nazis and Republicans calling Democrats both Nazis and socialists (Damn, I wish they’d get that straight). As expected, the recent calls for civility in the national discourse lasted about as long as it takes to call someone a Nazi or socialist.
Well, DUH.
I’m a believer in the George Carlin School of Linguistics – they’re only words. If you’re a politician and you can’t overcome your rage at being called a name – which in this case are perfectly acceptable definitions of political ideology – then you shouldn’t be in politics.
How did these particular, common words end up being so offensive?
Because people use them with meaning that aren’t there. Obama is not a socialist. In fact, for a lot of people he isn’t even liberal. The Boehner Boys aren’t Nazis either (for one thing Nazis were efficient and took pride in being called Nazis). BTW, there are other code words twisted into new meanings. “Liberal” is one of the worst epithets in the conservative insult arsenal. Dems prefer “tea baggers” with almost equal vigor.
It’s a basic tenet of communications theory that if you say something long enough, it becomes “true”. And boy, howdy these get tossed around like candy at a pedophile parade.
Click photo for larger
They’re almost always created as lies, or at least gross exaggerations of the truth. The problem is that people soak them up and begin to give the words their own off-topic narratives to “prove” their label fits. It’s a good political ploy – distract the great unwashed with some kernels of improperly named ideas and then step back and watch things roll. It’s one hell of a lot easier than actually offering alternatives or explaining your position when in fact, there isn’t one…you (insert epithet here).
It’d be useful if politicians didn’t do that and really great if the plebes called them out on it. But, I reckon that’s about as likely as the recent goofy “solutions” for preventing lunatics from shooting at people actually working.
America’s problem isn’t civility – it’s a willful refusal to own what you say.
First, everyone buy a dictionary. It’s an invaluable tool here – that is if you can read.
Second, own what you say. If you proclaim someone a socialist, make sure Karl Marx would’ve used the word in the same way. And all you faux Nazi accusers, tell me Hitler wouldn’t have cheered on the continuance of his 1000-year Reich as the best thing since sliced brot.
But above all, stop parsing words to prove you didn’t say what you so obviously did say. It’s unbecoming, divisive, and stupid.
Mr. Carlin, sorry we didn’t get your punchline. We’re a slow-learning bunch.
ENTERING THE GLORY(HOLE) - The Republicans are almost certain to recapture all or part of Congress this time around, despite lower poll numbers than the Dems and the lunacy inspired by their inbred kin, the Tea Baggers. They think it's glorious now, but will it be a "surprise" on the other side of the hole?
As we enter the midterm elections the US is like a ship without a rudder – or more appropriately, a ship with a broken one. Obamanism has had mixed results at best with as much complaint from the left as the right. Approval ratings for Congressional Democrats are lower than whale crap at the bottom of the Marianas Trench and for Republicans … well, let’s just say they’re so bad even The Big Dick™ would flinch at the numbers.
The prevailing wisdom is that Republicans will romp and take back Congress for Contract on America – Part Deux. John “Agent of Orange” Boehner and Mitch “Yertle the Turtle” McConnell will rise to the podium and try to control their herd of cats better than the Democrats’ disgraceful performance.
Being egotistical, intransigent buffoons they’ll surely prattle on about non-existent mandates, promises of a new beginning, and demands that anyone – left, right, or center – genuflect and kiss their rings (and their asses too while they’re down there).
After 10 years of Republicans who rule and oppose rule like bungs in the hole of democracy, they’ll find a country a whole lot harder to govern than they remember. First, they were the ones to lay George’s flaming bags of dog crap on America’s front porch for someone else to solve (it turns out, poorly) and the country is none too happy about it.
AIN'T THAT A PURTY PITCHER? - Just what the nation needs ... more crazed loons.
Second, they will have to expand their limited single word, monosyllabic platform beyond “no” – and hell no, “Hell no” won’t do.
And most dicey, they’ll have to pay for all those Tea Parties they attended so giddily. Now that the Baggers are beginning to spectacularly embarrass or outright turn on them, they’ll have to figure out what to do with the Mad Hatter crowd. The Baggers may be imbeciles, but they’re hell-bent on Change No One Can Believe In and the hell with Hope, Republicans, and the portion of voters who have more brain cells than a doughnut.
The prospect this year’s turnover signals a permanent American move somewhere to the right of Genghis Khan and the foundation for a glorious thousand year Reich is far-fetched (and no, I’m not comparing them to Nazis, only to idiots). They built the gallows over the past 10 years and laid out more than enough rope to hang themselves. And because Dems are the limpest politicians on Earth, they’ll unwittingly help the Republicans put the noose on by doing exactly what they did under the reign of Bush the Lesser and The Messiah™ – cower and agree with the Republicans on every issue because their natural response to bullies is to pee down their own legs. In other words, the Republicans and their in-bred cousins, the Tea Baggers, will prove they are their own worst enemies.
When Nancy Pelosi rose to power, I cautioned Democrats against being too effusive over what the historic change meant. They didn’t listen. They fist pumped, whooped and hollered, and shit in their own mess kits. I’m cautioning the Republicans against the same thing. However, being recidivist crapweasels I’m sure they’ll pour it on even thicker than the Democrats.
Republicans, ignore me at your peril. Before you even regain power, I can already see how you’ll lose it just as spectacularly as you did before, only the timetable is still left to complete.
Hopefully, you’ll lose it by 2012. We’re in bad enough shape already.
PULLIN' IT OUT OF THEIR ASS - The Republican 'Just Say No' strategy requires little effort or thought. The only thing they need is the ability to form single syllable words and pull crap out of their own asses.
Much has been made about the probability that Republicans will take control of Congress in the fall. The conventional wisdom says yes, but there are a number of Dems who say they can defeat the odds. The truth is, the conventional wisdom is probably right. The open question is whether it will be a Republican blowout or a squeaker.
Clearly, the honeymoon is over, although The Messiah™ does have some residual goodwill in some quarters. Unfortunately, it’s mostly amongst the non-voting public. The G(N)OP would have us believe there’s a massive ideological sea change going on. One in which power is shifting right – waaay right – though polls don’t clearly suggest that. Injecting a little reality suggests that ideological movement is more a case of the tea baggers brewing a nice cup of Crazy Earl Grey and the opposition remaining silent to their lunacy. And, it’s that silence that’ll bite the Dems on their quivering, fraidy-cat asses.
SPINELESS ASSES - The Democrats have all the intestinal fortitude of the French army in a firefight.
Seeing Isn’t Necesarily Believing
It’s difficult for the public (and impossible for Republicans) to see– that The Big Guy™ has made some modest progress on his agenda. He managed to push a health care bill through, though it was deeply flawed, and one of the most spineless wins on record. Walking into negotiations already conceding ground isn’t a negotiating tactic that works well. You can say much the same for financial reform. We got something, though not much, and what we did get was preapproved by corporate greedheads so they can continue robbing the country blind.
He’s also lost chances on bushels of low hanging fruit. Gays in the military, offshore oil drilling, and rolling back many of the Bush policies on a range of issues from Afghanistan to Gitmo to portions of the Patriot Act would’ve all been easier than health care, kept his base engaged, and shown independents that he has a backbone.
The one-word strategy of the Republicans is an easy position. Repeating “no” like an idiot savant isn’t hard. It requires no real work or talent beyond the ability to form a single syllable. It’s easy for your base to understand – especially if your base is comprised of fellow savants – and gives you an ironclad response to almost anything. It covers over a lot of bumbling too. Can you say Michael Steele?
Yes is a Hard Sell
Yes is a much harder sell. It’s complicated. It’s sometimes scary. And, it requires voters that understand two or more syllable words. It also requires the ability to legislate without pissing your political pants because the Momma Grizzlies and their fellow-traveling blowhards call you a commie. Or worse yet, a liberal.
Republicans are, if nothing else, consistent to a pathological, almost savage, and bloodthirsty degree. Most of the time you couldn’t pry the fatheads off a position with dynamite and a backhoe. Look at them as the party of the Red Curtain. By comparison, Democrats have all the cohesiveness of a herd of cats. Look at them standing naked in their bathtub, hands over their sex-educated privates, with yellow rivulets running down their wrinkly, ancient legs.
Part of this is the nature of the people that populate the two parties. Conservatives want to drive their Franklin Steamers in reverse all the way back to 1909. Democrats have the car in drive, but can’t bring themselves to get off the brake and hit the gas…and they don’t have a map or destination they can all agree on anyway.
But, it’s not as though Republicans are immune from shitting in their own mess kits. Their sucking up to the tea baggers may end up making them as beholden to The Lipton Tea Men as they are to corporatist Czars like Tony Hayward, the new Potentate of Siberian Crude.
There’s no way to tell what the fall will bring, but if both parties don’t shape up, it’ll be a hell of a ride.
AN ELEPHANT SHOULD NEVER FORGET - You can lead a Republican to the seat of power, but you can't make him think. Sometimes the worse that can happen is that you get what you want. Just ask the Dems.
Conventional wisdom says Democrats will be thoroughly trounced in the fall elections. Even the most hopelessly optimistic Democrats concede it. One or both houses of Congress my turn red along with several state posts. The Republicans are salivating at the thought of it.
Some advice the party of the elephant should remember: Barely two years ago, the Democrats were flush with political capital from an historic election. They believed the political tide had turned and the GOPers were headed for the dust bin of history. In true Democratic tradition, they managed to screw it up.
To a degree, the Democrats are victims of getting what they wished for. Inheriting two wars, a faltering economy, and a host of other systemic problems gave them a political environment not easily fixed, even if The Messiah™ could have walked on water. Regardless of ideology, it’s unlikely anyone could turn things around quickly enough to satisfy a restless electorate.
But, despite the seeming invincibility of the Party of No™, they may also be poised to stumble into a party-wrenching mess.
The Bubba Gump Bump
Part of the GOP bump is the natural consequence of the party in power coming up against the reality of governance. When you’re out of power, you have little incentive to do anything - just ask any elected Republican. But get the gavel, and you’re on the hook regardless of when the problems started or who caused them. No one’s performance can be enough to soothe the savagely voting beasties – doubly so when expectations are artificially inflated by promises of hope and change.
SNIFF, SNIFF - With politics you sometimes have to laugh to keep from crying.
Even worse, President Care Bear retained many Bush policies and fumbled others – like health care – badly enough to piss off his base. He also allowed the GOP to hammer him about his policies even though they aren’t substantially changed from the last regime, thereby creating the teabaggers and offending and confusing much of the remaining electorate.
Anyone who believes America has turned to the right of Ghengis Kahn is mistaken. The average Joe – minus, perhaps, Joe the Plumber – is just as scared by tea-brewing crazies as actual bomb throwing commies. The biggest hope for most Americans is to watch CSI instead of a 24 X 7 oil leak with all the appeal of a televised Yule log. They want a job that pays them enough to cover the basics plus a little left over for a Happy Meal and the newest cell phone. Those seem like low expectations, but they’re mighty hard to carry out. In the end, all that matters is that whoever can provide those things is going to keep power.
And based on past performance, there’s no reason to expect Republicans will deliver any better than they did when the Crawford Craphound was in power.
Republicans Suck at the Big Tent
The Republicans have plenty of crumbling party infrastructure too. They realize the teabaggers are problematic allies. Do enough to placate them and the majority middle will recoil. Please the middle and the teabaggers will go all Sarah Palin on their asses. Plus, the Republicans aren’t exactly renown for their ability to pitch a big tent.
The Republicans are also having problems in areas where they used to be smooth. Internal party politics has resulted in the Whitest Black Man in America being chosen as party chairman, only to be frequently denounced or ignored when he makes the gaff of the day. Conservative moderates are a dying breed, being replaced by some of the stupidest pols ever to swear on a stack of Bibles that they will always swear by the Bible.
Oh, and all those little problems – like economic and environmental disaster and wars – that still need to be cleaned up aren’t going to leave when the Dems decamp to lick their wounds.
It’s probably correct the Republicans will win in November, especially when individual candidates like Meg Whitman and corporate interests like the Chamber of Congress have dropped the pretenses and will spend like, well, drunken liberals, to wrest control of the ship of state. But despite all this, the next election will be decided on the answer to a single question – “Who sucks worse, the Democrats or the Republicans?”
The time when politics was about something rather than against something is long gone. Whoever wins will need to govern positively or the electorate will begin measuring them for a pine box come 2012. If the Republicans win they will learn a hard lesson – governing by refusing to govern is a losing proposition. One day, the ‘Pubs may be asking themselves, “what the hell were we thinking when we wanted to be in the majority.” It’s a tough lesson.
Just ask the Democrats.
