J’accuse! No More Punctuation Funny Stuff!!!

Signs of the Times

SIGNS OF THE TIMES! - Jeb Bush has gotten all huffy about candidate Deb Gianoulis stealing his font mojo! Still, there's no truth to the rumor that Jeb has trademarked the blue sky and God!!!

In a political season that’s farcical at best, it’s hard to beat Christine “The First Amendment Really Says That?” O’Donnell, Sharron “They All Look Alike to Me” Angle, or Daniel “Unhappy Hour” Webster for sheer laughs! But, someone has and unsurprisingly it’s a Bush – the supposed “smart” one, Jeb!

Jebster’s attorney, Willy Wiley Horton, sent a cease and desist order to Deborah Gianoulis, a former TV anchor running against state Republican party chair John Thrasher in Florida’s Senate District 8 race!

Her heinous crime: Violation of federal trademark law!

It seems the dangerous outlaw, “Kid” Gianoulis, had the unmitigated gall to put her name on a red background followed by an exclamation point!

“You appear to be using the same font and color scheme as has been used by the lawful owner [Bush] … for at least the past 16 years,” Horton exclaimed! He didn’t mention why this was any of Bush’s business since Gianoulis was running against some other Republican crapweasel!

Now it seems implausible that political signage – creative whirlwinds they are – are that easy to copyright! If you’re a Republican, your sign is red! If you’re a Democrat, your sign is blue! If you’re a girl, you wear a pink hairband! If you’re a boy, you wear blue Underoos!

Jeb!

VOTE FER JEB! - Kids, how many differences can you find in these two pictures?!!!

Your name appears in large, contrasting, bold letters as befitting any egotistical buffoon running for office! If you’re really wild and crazy you might festoon your eyesore with something evocative of a flag! Though oddly, never the flag itself!

Someone must have trademarked stars and stripes!

Oh, and contrary to popular belief, Obama campaign signs didn’t feature a hammer and sickle or Kenyan flag!

So here are the facts:

  • By my calculations, both signs appear to be the same color, except for lighting conditions, ink variations, color blindness, and whether you use Web-safe colors…just like a zillion other signs on the planet!
  • Despite Horton’s claim, the fonts are different in that subtle way that fonts often are! The differences are so slight it’s like doing the Sunday kid’s cartoon where you spot the number of mistakes in 2 nearly identical pictures! Hint for the clueless: Look at the “e”!
  • Aside from the general lameness of the language’s most useless punctuation, the exclamation point, it seems that Jeb is infringing on the trademark of Hamilton!, OH! Take that Jeb with your fancy, trademarked slanted “e”!
  • The Gianoulis campaign already stopped using the design quite some time ago – probably because of falling poll ratings for the goobs who couldn’t tell “Jeb!” from “Deb!”! Remember, this is a state where they can’t operate paper ballots!

The Gianoulis campaign responded to the kerfuffle, with “we have more important things to worry about, like the economy and education!”

Oh please DEB! You’ll never get anywhere in the political game thinking like that!!!!!!!!!!

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Christine O’Donnell: The Day the Laughter Dies

Bewitched

AAAAHHHHAAAAAAAHHHHHAAAA! - Bewitched, bedraggled, and bewildered. Make the comedy stop!

Update Sex columnist calls for “Masturbate to Christine O’Donnell Day”

It’s a hard political season and we can all do with a little comic relief. That lovable lunkhead, Sarah Moosilini, wore a bit thin when she began inundating the country with her 140-word Twitternouncements. Susan Angle brought the funny for awhile, but she’s a dark comic who always leaves audiences a little edgy about whether she’ll exercise her Sec0nd Amendment freedoms on their asses.

Now, there’s Christine O’Donnell.

This chick is a laugh-a-minute. She can claim masturbation is vitrual adultery while keeping a vapid, cute little gapped tooth smile on her chipmunk-serious face. She claims she started dating by canoodling behind the altar with a witchcrafter down at the Wicca Wig Wam and Occult Church and then laughed it off with the airiest, most delightful grin – though the Wiccas seem none too pleased. But Wiccas, cheer up! Republicans didn’t like her at first either, but now she’s growing on them!

However, like any good comedienne, she has a dark side. Her belief that she can cure homosexuals of screaming cases of The Gay™ has alienated more than one of her “friends” and some of her former campaign officials made robocalls against her the day before the primary. And, it seems, she has more skeletons in her Halloween-hating closet than they have down at the Spirit Halloween Superstore.

Combine serious charges of tax delinquency, misappropriation of campaign funds, stiffing her vendors from previous campaigns, and the miscellany that all candidates pick up while swimming in the political death pool and her cute-as-a-button smile might just get wiped off her smug mug in the near future.

As O’Donnell and other attendees at the Tea Par-Tay make it to ballots, there’s much being said about their influence. Dems are rubbing their hands together like a stoned raccoon at a hot dog convention, lulled into Christmas-night dreams of a political disaster averted. The Republicans are asking Daniel Webster to reconsider that whole agreement he negotiated with the devil for them. Independents are frozen in the headlights, unsure which way to turn to avoid the scruffy riff-raff who rave like soap box preachers downtown. And the Baggers themselves? They don’t even get the joke.

The secret to good comedy is to take it right to the edge and not a smidge farther. Making people uncomfortable is OK, profoundly scaring them isn’t. There’s still time before the elections for another few rounds of Palin/Angle/O’Donnell jokes, but not much. It’s about time the adults break up the party and start cleaning things up for the election. We’re tired of laughing to avoid crying. Our sides are split from so much myrth. We just can’t take it any more…

No, really. We can’t.

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