PITY THE IRONY-CHALLENGED - Teabaggers really hate to be called teabaggers and if you're not careful, they'll insult you. Why one of them called me a liberal and progressive the other day. The bastards!
As tea parties have become the political force du jour, numerous stereotypes about them have formed. Of course, you can’t fairly profile every member of a tea party any more than you can profile all black men or every Muslim. However, you can generalize certain characteristics of these groups and still be on target (gun imagery intended) most of the time. So, if you’re a level-headed, sane member of a tea party, this post doesn’t apply to you. I’m talking to the Batshit Crazies. You’re excused to go to a Palin rally or a John Ashcroft concert or flag pin shopping or something.
Many teabaggers are irony-challenged. I’ve noticed that most of them are extremely sensitive to being called “teabaggers”, yet they object with language designed to insult anyone who used the word.
You Scum-Sucking Pootieheaded Liberal
The rant goes, “Clearly, you are full of hate,” followed by a string of invective heaved like a Molotov cocktail. The rants frequently contain a dozen or so supposedly hot button keywords like socialist, communist, or fascist (and for the last time get this straight, communism and fascism are diametrically opposed principles). Sometimes they even spew the two most dreaded epithets in the English language – fingers in your ears now if you’re squeamish – liberal and progressive.
At this point I borrow a word from the unabridged Dick Cheney International Dicktionary for an answer – “so”. I called you a teabagger, fully aware of the sexual meaning behind it. You were insulted, so it’s only fair to call me anything you want. I don’t mind. Really.
Teabaggers often ask – rhetorically I assume – if I know that everything uttered by The Messiah (I like to call him The Messiah because, you know, I insult him sometimes too) is a lie.
Yes, many things he says are untrue, just as it’s untrue to say everything he says is a lie. He shares this characteristic with every politician since the first Cro-Magnon wrote notes on her hand or stood before a teleprompter.
Bagglers often ask why I voted for Obama. For the record, I did.
Yet again, “so”.
John McCain: Critical Thinking Skills of a DonutI did it not because I expected I’d never hear him speak an untruth or because I was enamored by his policies. In fact, I’m not pleased with him now. I don’t defend him unless I think he does something right and that situation is unlikely to change. I voted for him and got pretty much what I expected TYVM.
But more importantly, I didn’t vote for McCain. His selection of the Moose Baby Momma showed me he had the critical thinking skills of a donut. Instead of just disagreeing with some of what he said, I disagreed with ALL of what he said. But the number one reason I voted against him is because he’s a cranky, vindictive, old fart whose skin is thinner than a condom and who would sell his mother if he thought it would get him elected.
Which brings us to the last irony for this post. Teabaggers swagger like Dubya. They’re tiresomely full of gun imagery, or in some cases, actual guns. They play the “bring it on” card in an attempt to scare people into submission. They boast that armageddon will come, born on the wings of angels and dropped like a commie bomb on Obamashima.
In this, they are the ideological successors to McTheusela and George Bush the Lesser. All the bluster and cowboysterism in the world doesn’t cover for the fact they’re afraid of nothing more than change.
Ironic, ain’t it?