Crime | The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

PEE YEW! - Martha worked at the same job, every day, for over 45 years before first questioning her choice of career. Click photo for more >>

Proof the Darwinism Does Too Exist

I thought I already knew enough about piss. Clearly, I was wrong.
Caution, master thespians at work.
Honest officer. I was only doing 100 mph in a 25 mph zone. Can’t we just overlook it as a youthful mistake this time?
Now I can see why Bristol Palin makes big buckage on the speaking circuit.
Remember, the safe phrase is, “Get those goddamn handcuffs off me you kinky bitch!”
“Turn left at the next corner. Go straight for 1.3 miles. Do not merge with traffic.“
Kids hitting each other in the balls is just what little pricks kids do.
The name’s Bieber, Justin Bieber and he really brings out the freakily delusional.
Saucin’ up the old burrito hole.
Grim Eater terrorizes funerals. Feasts on 3-day old cold tuna casserole, deli-trays, and fruit arrangements.
So that’s where all my missing socks end up.
PFFT! BP can’t hold a candle to the Great Boston Molassacre.
The makers of Viagra made an unfortunate typo in their, “call your doctor if you have an erection lastin more than four hours” warning. It turns out there’s a big difference between 4 and 27.
One hundred reasons why parents should take a proficiency exam before the baby is born.

Time for Crime

AX MAN - Jimmy Sawyer was voted Most Likely to Be a Chainsaw Massacrer in his senior class. Click photo for more >>

Taylor soon found out that cage fighting was anything but fake. Wrestling? Not so much.
Ashley Simpson I hereby sentence you to the maximum fine of $7 329.
So who knew that trimming the old twig and berries while driving would be a crime? Then again, he was all slick and smooth for his next date.
In my day, you’d get a swirly for doing something like that.
In a virtually stunning virtual crime wave, virtual thieves made off with virtually €840 worth of virtual furniture, virtually.
Fergie is Fergilicious – for $100 and change a night.
He may be a criminal, but you have to give him props for being efficient. How many thieves bring the witnesses with them to get arrested?
Wow, airport security is tight in India. They even prevent fliers from flying.
Quiet everyone, James is going for the never-before attempted triple splooge with a half twist into a doggie-style money shot. It will be magnificent if he makes it.
Apparently not clear on the concept of burn treatment, police sprayed the man with pepper spray instead of cooling him down.
It was a clear case of “poopstaken” identity.
Amanda brought new meaning to the saying, got him by the balls.

Time for ‘This Week in Japan’

It’s true that bathing toads in meth isn’t normal, but it’s the quickest way to sanitize them before eating them for lunch.
Great! Jerky of the living dead.
Is it stupid? Yes. Is it weird? Not in Japan.
Early experiments with 3D porn didn’t go far after the skinny guy was doing the BBW and fell in.

Free Market Capitalism at Its Worst

At first it seemed like a really bad idea, but after wearing whale puke on a hot day, Jenny found it had a not unpleasant odor.
Huzzah for Benign Girl!
Chicken shit for $3.99 each or $3 for $10. I wonder if that’s for the jumbo turds or the small runny plops.
More proof that Bruce Willis is this century’s most important actor.
What’s next, SmellyVision™?
Barbie was not as squeaky clean as her reputation would suggest.
Dammit! They’re action figures. Not dolls.
Well knock me down with a diamond-encrusted dog rocket.

Stuff That’s Odd, But Not Nearly Odd Enough for Ripley’s

OUR LITTLE MAN - The photographer caught little Frankie at the exact moment he became a man.

“Damn comnist terrists.” (Dave Away From Home)
Until reading a little more closely, it became apparent that The Cross-Country Underwear Drive wasn’t some sort of Canadian Cannonball Run.
I loves me that old school disco music.
Now Hollywood has taken to making remakes of remakes.
“I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent an a ** from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!”
Let’s give it up for Snoop Hammy Ham!
Thanks for nothing Lisa Marie, Debbie, Germaine, Jackie, Tito, Randy, Marlon, La Toya, Rebbie, Janet – and especially you Dad. Wooo hooo.
Dr. Who travels through time, isn’t LSD just another kind of “trip”?
Boobie Girl is the true story of how Heidi Montag grew up to have huge boobs, date a certified douchebag, and be famous for being famous.
The first sign that couples therapy isn’t working is when the therapist just says, “Oh, go ahead and do it to get it out of your system.”
Can you not hear me now?
I’m not sure if she’s too hot to be a banker, but I would’ve definitely enjoyed it more when the banks screwed us.
BWAWK! Polly wanna Wabo Cabo margarita, blended, light salt, hold the lime.
Good God, it’s the end of the Google as we know it.
There’s a fine line between genius and “postulating your wiener“.
When life hands you shit, make a shit sandwich.
Right vs. left.
Even superheroes can have a bad day.

Robots: Ya Can’t Live With ‘Em, Ya Can’t Live Without ‘Em

The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!