Liar, Liar Earth on Fire

Climate Change Initiative “Combustible”

Whether you believe global warming is caused by humans or not, you can’t argue that it’s a good thing. If you doubt that, wrap your lips around a tailpipe and see just how healthy it is. I’ll be standing right over here with my respirator on.

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Why Global Climate Change Doesn’t Matter

March of the Penguins

MARCH OF THE PENGUINS - Whether you're waiting for penquins to show up on the mean streets of Gotham or not the debate over climate change is a false one.

The political winds have changed and our new leaders – and I use that term loosely – are spoiling for a fight over many things, including “proving” climate change isn’t real. For their part, the Democrats are equally committed to “proving” it is. It’s nice to see the Earth still holds its normal place in the galaxy.

But you know what? It doesn’t matter.

Each side likes to fool themselves into believing this is a fight over science. Both sides can muster colleges full of scientists who postulate one theory or another.

And you know what? It doesn’t matter.

Ideology 101
Even though they all come equipped with an impressive – and sometimes not so impressive – array of bar charts and pie graphs and climatic studies, the truth is almost every one of those studies was paid for by some lobby or interest group. BP never saw a gushing black hole it didn’t like while environmental groups often advocate that if the problem isn’t resolved by next Wednesday, we’re all doomed. Whether you believe in global warming  is more an ideological decision than a scientific one, regardless of which science is finally proven right.

And you know what? That doesn’t matter either.

The there’s the whole economic argument. One side says, “the economy is in the dumper. We can’t do anything now because we’ll lose jobs.” But then, that’s the same argument used when we’re in a depression or boom or bust or just hanging out waiting for some skeevy asscake of a banker to devise a new scheme to separate us from our money.

As my old Dad used to say, “Never do today what you can do tomorrow.”

Environmentalists would have us believe that all that new work in the green sector will almost immediately make up for any lost jobs. Unfortunately, economies don’t turn on a dime and I suspect that’s scant solace to a laid off coal miner who doesn’t know diddly about wind turbines, although he can tell you that if you point a mirror into the sun it gets hot as hell.

But does that matter? Um, no.

Lady Liberty

COUGH, COUGH, HACK - Lady Liberty already has a smoker's cough, is that really waht we want?

Dependence on foreign oil? “Bah,” says Big Dick Cheney, representatives from Texahoma, and all Exxonians, “we can  pump enough oil to power everything and it’ll last indefinately – at least accoding to my contacts at the National Petroleum Inistitute.”

“Au contraire mon fraire,” say the anti-black gold folks. The oil is running out and drilling it will pollute every drop of ocean and every square inch of land in the country, especially in ANWAR. I think it’s up around that country Sarah Palin can see from her porch.”

That doesn’t matter either.

So far as I know, NO scientist, politician, economist, or just plain Joe the Plumber – except perhaps for the truly deranged – thinks wrapping their lips around a Hummer’s exhaust pipe is a good idea. I don’t know of anyone – other than Tony Hayward – who thinks that soothing oil bath in the Gulf helped shrimpers, fishermen, hoteliers, or snowy plovers.

We Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Jobs
Jobs? The truth is some will go away, some will be created, and no one – least of all ouiji board economists – can say for sure how many or how long it will take. Although you won’t be able to swing a poison effluent-killed cat without hitting a lobbyist who’ll tell you with dead solid certainty that it will be bad…real bad…so bad we won’t support you in the next election bad.

Insert a cartoon twinkle off the charlatan’s evil smile here.

It matters because whether climate change deniers or champions are finally proven right, our planet is already much dirtier than mere mortals can withstand. Breathing the primordial ooze that passes for air or drinking water that a zillion Brita filters couldn’t decontaminate is killing us. If you don’t believe me, go ask your own bought and paid scientist whether dirty air or water is bad. Ask them if this is already happening or is a comupter forecast of what El Nino will do in 2050. You’ll find that one of those extinct animals called non-partisanship still lives.

It sucks to be Earth under the stewardship of man.

If we don’t do something about the problems we already have, there won’t be a tomorrow to defer to. We won’t have to worry about the kids whose future we may or may not be mortgaging because they’ll be dead. Fix that and the global climate issue will take care of itself.

And THAT’S what truly matters.

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