Bryan Fischer: Backward Christian Soldier

The Knights of Hate

BACKWARD CHRISTIAN SOLDIERS - The American Family Association wants to ship Muslims back from whence they came because they're all evil killers. Perhaps they should read up on the Christian Crusades of the Middle Ages. Wasn't that supposed to have been the final solution for those pesky, blaspheming infidels?

The American Family Association’s Director of Issues Analysis, Bryan Fischer, has suggested that Muslims are such pariahs in his America we should “graciously assist” them right out of the country. There is so much wrong with his public statements it’s hard to tell where to start, but let me try by using his own words, with slight modifications in parentheses, to demonstrate the “logic” of his argument.

“The most compassionate thing we can do for Muslims (Christians) who have already immigrated here is to help repatriate them back to Muslim (Christian) countries, where they can live in a culture (theocracy) which shares their values, a place where they can once again be at home, surrounded by people who cherish their deeply held ideals. Why force them to chafe against the freedom, liberty, and civil rights (that our Constitution guarantees and which) we cherish in the West?”

“Muslims (Christians) continue to have as their objective the Islamization (Christianization) of the entire world, including the U.S., and are taught by their god to use force (force, hate, and discrimination) where necessary to accomplish the goal. The current objective of Muslim (Christian) activists is to create a brand new Islamic (Christian) state – meaning a state like New Jersey or Montana – out of existing jurisdictions and establish a virtual Islamic (Christian) homeland in our midst.”

“Many Muslims (Christians) are on our shores on student visas and as such have not yet become citizens. We must politely decline their request for naturalization becoming an American citizen is a privilege, not a right and use the money we would otherwise spend on their welfare, their education, their medical care, and their incarceration to graciously assist them in returning to their countries of origin.”

“Those who are willing to convert to Christianity (Islam, Judaism, Atheism, or any other belief system) and renounce Islam, Allah, Mohamed (Jesus and the apostles) and the Koran (Bible) may be welcomed, for they can become not just good Christians (citizens) but true Americans.”

There you have it Mr. Fischer, a good long look in the warped mirror you call Christianity in (almost) your own words. I can’t believe any Christian worth their salt would endorse your odious hatred, much less call to enact it – but sadly, I know some will.

I’m an Atheist today at least partially because of righteous, intolerant, asscakes like you. However, I was raised a Christian and believe that all religions, Islam included, have a right to exist in this country lest we become a stinking pit of sectarian servitude like Afghanistan, Iran, or any number of other equally intolerant, brutal, and religiously-motivated excuses for governance. Even though I’m an Atheist, I know this as a former Christian and friend of moderate Christians everywhere:

When you and your ilk show up at St. Peter’s gate, God is going to be one pissed off deity and I hear from the Bible he doesn’t suffer fools like you gladly.

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The Place Where Your Rights End is Where My Rights Begin

I’m an atheist, or as I like to think – a “friendly” atheist. I know about religion’s dark side. The many, many wars over whose holy is holier than thou’s. The hypocrisy rampantly on display on C-Span, in St. Peter’s Square, and before various ethics groups and committees. Religion used as a bludgeon to pummel other beliefs into – if not in compliance – vapor. Yet, I still see a place for religion in the public square.

Life is a dark ride. Anything that helps people get through the night is a good thing. Heck, sometimes I even envy believers’ ability to say a few words and be instantly comforted. But, that isn’t how I’m wired. I don’t believe in God so any strength I need to summon comes from within. I view it as a nearly pure form of self-reliance and responsibility. It’s a stance that’s worked well for me and I see no reason to change.

I believe that someone else’s rights end at the place where they impinge upon mine. If religious groups insist on placing “In God We Trust” on money, I’m cool. The money spends the same as it always has. I’m not being deprived of anything.

However, I understand the argument that every display of religion be removed from the public square so the country doesn’t slide down the slippery slope to theocracy. But in exchange for this live and let live pragmatism, I expect a little respect in turn.

For example, formalized prayer in school impinges on the freedom to NOT practice a religion. Some schools endorse it in such a way as to cause kids embarrassment, something that isn’t good for the kid, me, or society. I’ll trade the “In God We Trusts” for praying to oneself any time they want – even in the classroom – as long as you do it privately.

The same is true for Christians’ seemingly unquenchable desire to nail the Ten Commandments to every flat surface on Earth. Don’t get me wrong. I think the 10 Commandments are as good any ethical checklist you’re likely to find anywhere. But, I don’t think it’s necessary to post it in so many places that you can’t swing a bottle of holy water without hitting one. If you must be reminded to be good every 10 minutes you aren’t paying enough attention to your religion anyway. And if you must be reminded, keep a copy in your wallet and pull it out each time you’re feeling compelled to worship no God before Him.

I’m always dismayed that we spend so much time on these relatively minor points. Simply-speaking, none of these things mean a hill of communion wafers in the end.

But there are important issues. For example, same-sex marriage or gays in the military. Treating homosexuals different from the majority-religion is wrong, constitutionally and morally. In my mind, that’s where a religion’s insistence on forcing gay people to be someone they aren’t is where religion’s rights should end.

I’ve yet to see an example of homosexuals having their rights denied based on any substantial evidence. Gay sex doesn’t affect a religion’s rights to practice what they preach. Same-sex marriage doesn’t devalue the sanctity of marriage any more than divorce does. It doesn’t cause anyone to turn gay. It doesn’t even force you to accept it. You can continue to hate gay people. It’s your right to associate or love anyone you wish, just as it is a gay person’s.

When I ask these questions of anti-gay religious groups I’ve gotten only one of two answers. The sound of crickets chirping and “because the Bible tells me so”.

If one chooses to not believe the Bible, it holds no more water than Creationism or Intelligent Design.

Any democracy worth its salt understands and respects different beliefs. Just because Christianity is the predominate religion doesn’t mean that all other expressions of faith (or no faith) be verboten. It doesn’t mean that Christians shouldn’t have the right to practice their faith either. But to get along, we all have to understand the rights and responsibilities of who we are.

And that’s no different than any other part of the human existence.

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Randomness: Naughty Bits Style

JUST CALL HIM STRETCH ARMSTRONG - Vijya has told civil defense authorities that if a nuclear bomb is ever dropped on Jhunjhunu, he'd simply bend over and kiss his ass goodbye. Click photo for more >>

JUST CALL HIM STRETCH ARMSTRONG - Vijya has told civil defense authorities that if a nuclear bomb is ever dropped on Jhunjhunu, he'd simply bend over and kiss his ass goodbye. Click photo for more >>

Naughty Bits

Daft Commercialism

Klaatu Barada Nicktu

Jesus Critsto!

THE IMMACULATE BUTTER - Jesus seems to show up everywhere. He must think he's omnipotent or something. Click photo for more >>

THE IMMACULATE BUTTER - Click photo for more >>

There Are a Million Stories in the Naked City, These Are Four of Them

The Goobiest Things and People in the World

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Religion as a Foreign Concept

RIGHT RELIGION OR RELIGIOUS RIGHT? - Using religion as part of the US foreign policy toolkit is a good idea in a world full of religion as long as we guard against attempts to introduce religion into our own government.

RIGHT RELIGION OR RELIGIOUS RIGHT? - Using indigenous religions as part of the US foreign policy toolkit is necessary as long as we resist attempts to introduce religion into our own government.

A new study from the Chicago Council on Foreign Affairs says US foreign policy is being weakened by a strong focus on, “uncompromising western secularism”. A religion-neutral foreign policy is a tough sell in a secular America, but it’s essential if we are to deal with countries that are, or near, total theocracies. And even as an atheist, I can see they’re right.

Dealing with countries like Iran, Afghanistan, and Israel without accounting for the intertwining of government and religion is a recipe for disaster. The past two administrations have made some headway on beefing up this component of foreign policy and should be commended by the religious and atheists alike. However, foreign policy is supposed to help advance the nation’s goals – goals that according to the US Constitution should be free and open, unlike the goals of a theocracy like Iran.

But as with most things, there’s a slippery slope that must be tread lightly to avoid even worse problems than simply having religion as part of the foreign policy mix. Although the Council is comprised of all major faiths, much of the public, many in Congress, and the administrations themselves focus almost exclusively on Christian religious principles. In essence, they use Christianity as a synonym for religion.

Using religion as a tool to solve global comfilcts involving theocracies doesn't have to be incompatible with our own separation of church and state.

Using religion as a tool to solve global conflicts involving theocracies doesn't have to be incompatible with our own separation of church and state.

For example, Bill Clinton’s nominee for Ambassador to the Netherlands was kiboshed in Congress because he was gay, a frequent Christian strawman and grounds Christians ofttimes use to defeat anything they can reasonably or unreasonably pull into the Christian moral sphere. Even liberals were pleased by the last administration’s efforts to increase AIDS funding to Africa, but not so pleased when the aid went only to countries that promised not to do abortions. That restriction, driven by religious beliefs, deprived many of treatment on a continent rife with the disease and weakened, what was at the core, a good policy?

It’s not as though religions don’t already have some experience with mixing different religions, particularly in dictatorships. Christians work hard to convert the masses, whether they be Islamic, Buddhist, or simply another variation of Christianity than their own. Some of the target flock may go along; others may just rise up and create a Christian martyr. This is the slippery slope in action.

For our foreign policy to best succeed, we all need to understand the role religion plays in many cultures. We need to make sure religion, to the extent it makes sense, is not just a way to transmit Christian ideals to non-Christian nations. We need to understand that not all Muslims are crazies dressed in Brooks Brothers’ suicide suits any more than not all Christians are like the screed screaming Westboro Baptist Church crowd. The issue here is not which religion to use in our policy; it is the freedom for diplomats and the countries they serve in to use the religion at hand to accomplish America’s goals.

Goals like the freedom to practice or not practice religion as you please.

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Randomness: God Stuff Style

A NIGHT TO LAST FOREVER - And I though my 1973 electric blue, crushed velvet tux was something special.

A NIGHT TO LAST FOREVER - And I though my 1973 electric blue, crushed velvet tux was something special.

God Stuff

Proof  Capitalists Don’t Know What the Hell They’re Doing

  • Makers said there was even a dutch oven cooking method involving diners putting the pouches in their anal cavities.
  • Somehow, this commercial doesn’t make me want to go out and have someone jab me a zillion times with a sharp-ass needle.
  • I wonder if you could take this off your taxes?
  • I’m thinking these won’t sell well in the projects where they have ample supplies of rats anyway.
  • It’s the perfect gift for that special someone who has all the perception of your average tree stump.
  • A Right to Life group unveils “proof” that God wants you to carry your unborn child by tying him to your vagina with yarn.

Crime Waves of the Moronic

There Are a Billion Stories on the Naked Internet…These are Only 14 of Them

Robot: From the Czech Word Robata

  • Sure, it’s a bit crude, but if it gets you the tickets, “what the hell?”
  • We may not being going to the moon, but by God, Rosie the Robot is within our grasp!
  • If these are the visions of the future I don’t want to go on. I already got burned by that whole Jetson’s flying car thing.
  • The robot firefighter was a good idea except for the materials they used to make it.

The Jiggly Bits

  • As soon as David Vitter heard the news, he immediately reacted by saying, “What’s up with this ban? Former bestiality practitioners will immediately join NAMBLA and start abusing the youngsters of America.”
  • It’s a great Valentine Day promotion, but act now – reservations are going fast.
  • Fer god sakes Melvin, get your mind out of the gutter table saw. Not Safe For Work
  • Patrick Swazye returns from the grave to film this unique sequel to his hit movie, Ghost.
  • “Oh, I say. Could you pul-eeze keep the noise down just a smidge. It is interfering with my science project.”

Made in Japan

  • Audiences loved the machines until they found out they were all props from the Broadway play Starlight Express.
  • Taxi! Taxi!