The latest skirmish is the one aledgedly waged by evil secular humanists  – or future candidates for hell as some would say – over compelling Christian hospitals to offer abortion services against their beliefs.

In this particular war, however, Christians have a point. It’s obvious that if a religion were compelled to offer the offending services it would violate the freedom of religion clause whether the majority of followers – for instance, Catholics – follow church teachings or not. But, that’s a narrow view. It excludes the beliefs of others to benefit to narrow, but powerful, Christian beliefs. The First Amendment applies to them too.

But, there is a compromise.

Many secular people don’t argue so much about religion as they do imposing religious beliefs on others. They object to the government giving religious enterprises special rights by exempting them from taxes and providing funding for some of their enterprises.

The compromise here is easily evident. If religions want to offer services to the public, but not offend their own beliefs, forsaking government funding for religion-owned businesses should be on the table. If a religion wants to operate secular businesses – like schools or hospitals – they have two choices. Stop asking the rest of the nation to pay your businesses in support of your specific religious teachings. Or,  stop providing services to those who do not share your beliefs.

There are positives in this compromise. Religions would no longer be required to provide services against their beliefs. They could provide any service they want to any person they want. The secular community would get relief for their complaints about government policies that are against their beliefs. Both sides get a sturdier wall between church and state to resist the evils of theocracy, which isn’t good for anyone, even the Christians.

However, there are some problems too. People living in areas where religion-affiliated health care is the only practical choice will have to find their care in between different church decisions that conflict with their ability to get dogmatically unfettered care or travel far to find it. However, there are ways to mitigate that issue.

There might also be some degradation of education and charitable services through reduced government funding, but again, there are mitigation solutions for this as well.

Given the religious and political trench warfare of our times, these solutions will never be mentioned, much less adopted. Both sides will agitate for solutions that require total capitulation from their ideological foes. These ideas may make things fairer, but neither side will buy into them.

After all, compromises are “one size fits all” and so, by definition, fit no one perfectly.

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In keeping with the long and ignoble tradition of plastering the Lord’s Prayer on every flat surface in creation, Christians in the Indiana legislature have introduced a bill to require reciting the Lord’s Prayer at the beginning of every school day.

I’ve no issue with the Lord’s Prayer itself. I suppose it’s as useful as anything in helping accomplish the bill’s goal of, “establishing character and becoming a good citizen.” But prayers seem a little weak for such an important job and there is no proof it works anyway.

I also have no issue with teaching about religion in public school provided it is taught from a sociological or historical perspective and includes all religions and non-theistic points of view. After all, it is an important part of the nation’s history and understanding it can help pull us all together.

I don’t even care if religious groups want to use the school building to hold services as long as they pay the freight for that use and school isn’t in session.

But, I draw the line at requiring the Lord’s Prayer or any other religious custom or action in schools.

It’s true the bill only requires prayers at charter schools which may be partially funded by non-governmental groups. However, charter schools are, more often than not, at least partially funded with government money. And therein lies the rub.

By virtue of that government money, charter schools are open to everyone, not just Christians. Requiring kids to repeat their prayers is heavy handed and a back door to killing the concept of separation of church and state – a separation that inhibits the idea of a thriving and expanding theocracy. And BTW, wouldn’t this bill fall into the category of tyrannical Big Government that steals our liberties in a much more fundamental way than light bulb or low-flow toilet regulations?

If you insist on required prayer take your educational business to a religious school. There you can freely pray or require prayer as you wish. I don’t even care if you want to sacrifice goats (they go swimmingly with a little mint sauce BTW) on an altar. Your school, your money, your rules.

But the worst of these sorts of laws is that they are 100% unnecessary. Nothing prevents in-school prayer now. You’re free to pray all you want, any time you want. Kid got a dicey test coming up? They can put in a few quiet words to the Big Guy before they pick up their pencil. Scared they’ll be picked last for the volleyball team? “Oh dear Lord, don’t let them pick me last. Amen.”  Prayer doesn’t need to be required or recited aloud to be effective.

“Dear Lord, I beseech thee. Show those who would rob one person’s religious freedom in order to make it only for their own understand there is a way of compassion and understanding. A simple solution to a simple problem. Let them trust in your wisdom and show them the bright light of respecting all others as they ask to be respected.”

“In the Lord’s name we pray. Amen.”

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Disclaimer: I’m a former Christian who is now an atheist. I have nothing against most theists and respect their beliefs – up to the point where they step on mine. However, even in my Christian days I would’ve been appalled by the hubris of this plan.

I’m overjoyed so many religious people are so protective of my soul that they insist upon preaching to me at every chance, attempting to nail the 10 Commandments to every flat surface in America, and being generally pesky with their anti-sharia laws and Defense of Marriage hogswallop.

Pastor Michael Stahl – or “Pastor Mike” – of the Living Water eChurch especially wants to help by entering me in a database called, The Christian National Registry of Atheists, a database to identify heathen atheists, skinheads, cross-burners, etc. No word yet on if he plans a similar Christian National Registry of Muslims.

Of course, I’m sure in his pious and peaceful heart he doesn’t mean to equate me with a sex offender. He just wants to hate the sin, but love the sinner.

Oops! I spoke too soon.

“I mean, think about it,” Pastor Mike says, “There are already National Registrys [sic] for convicted sex offenders, ex-convicts, terrorist cells, hate groups like the KKK, skinheads, radical Islamists, etc..” (But) this type of ‘National Registry’ would merely be for information purposes.”

P-Mikey is All About the Information
Information purposes? Yo P-Mikey, one man’s “information” is another’s unwelcome intrusion into something that is none of your business (I was going to say “Goddamn” business, but I didn’t want to blaspheme your delicate sensibilities).

Let’s let the ePastor explain. “Why do this, what’s the purpose? Duhhh, Mr. Atheist for the same purpose many States put the names and photos of convicted sex offenders and other ex-felons on the I-Net – to INFORM the public!”

Well, duhhh you preposterous ass-miter, most atheists are NOT ex-felons or ex-sex offenders. Would you advocate putting Christians, particularly the felons and sex offenders, in my database, The Atheist National Registry of Christians. After all “we only want to, INFORM the public!”

I wouldn’t put names or photos on the list. I agree with Mike that addresses are a bad idea too. We might have a little oopsie and kill an abortion provider or something. You know, purely for informational purposes.

Feeding Satan Ignorant Asshats
I’d also not use the “information” to,  “begin to witness to them and warn them of the dangers of atheism Christianity.” Nor would I, encourage all our Christian atheist friends, as well as the various churches and their congregations NOT to patronize them as we would only be ‘feeding’ Satan ignorant asshats.”

“Frankly, I don’t see why anyone would oppose this idea – including the atheists themselves (unless of course, they’re actually ashamed of their atheist religion, and would prefer to stay in the ‘closet.’),” Pastor Mike said.

Pastor Mike, may I enlighten you? I’m a proud atheist. I’m not in the closet. Neither are most atheists.

I am atheist just as you are a Christian, albeit a twisted caricature of one. I don’t want you to tell me about the dangers of atheism, because to be honest, part of the reason I’m not a Christian is because of crapweasels like you. My soul is none of my concern.

Perhaps the way to best sum up what I think of odious pea brains like Stahl is this, “God may be my copilot, but since I’m doing the driving, I’m the pilot.”

And I really loathe back seat drivers.

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GUNS AND BIBLES - Ameican Christians like to howl about their persecution, but it's hard to feel their pain. Having control over almost all political posts, have unlimited money and influence, and can demonize and run rough-shod over others, it's not persecution...it's the Tyranny of the Majority,

American Christians are quite vocal in the belief they’re oppressed, but it’s hard to feel their pain. They’re the overwhelming majority in this country. Virtually every member of every legislative body and every elected representative is Christian. Their lobbies are as potent as any on K St. The government funds them by not taxing them. They routinely work to defeat bills clear majorities want and that deprive citizens – sometimes other Christians – of their civil rights.

If that’s oppression, sign me up. It sounds like a sweet deal.

However, there are persecuted and oppressed Christians. For example, many countries have real zero tolerance for anything other than their God and prophet. They sometimes force Christians from their homes, turn them into refugees, or kill them.

NO MEA CULPA - If the Pope thinks Christians are the most oppressed instead of the oppressors, he should take his next vacation in Baghdad. BTW Your Holiness, don't forget the up-armored Popemoblie. The Natives are restless.

Meanwhile, American Christians busy themselves with important issues like the proper etymology of Christmas v. Holiday. Living in their secure homes and working in their secure jobs they feel it’s their God-given right to rewrite history books, let pedophiles escape unpunished, or denigrate science because it doesn’t completely jibe with their Bible.

There’s no doubt the intolerance against Christians in countries like Iraq is awful. It’s the tyranny of the majority directed against the few. But except for the degree of modern persecution (the Christians don’t exactly have a bloodless history either), how is that any different from the tyranny of the American majority against the minority here?

I’m not a Christian and I’m sure there are many Christians who’d argue I have no right to an opinion about their religion. However, I’d point out that by the same logic, Christians have no right to an opinion about Islam or me or Druids. But, they never seem shy about exercising the same freedoms they seem unwilling to share with anyone other than themselves.

It is the Christian Sabbath, the last one before the holiest of Christian holy days. Whether you call it Christmas, the holidays, or Festivus, it seems like a good time for Christians, indeed everyone, regardless of religion or the lack thereof, to borrow the concepts of peace and harmony espoused in the Bible, the Quran, and most other religious texts in the world.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

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When will politicians learn that running on personal values is a non-starter, particularly since most voters don’t care? But more importantly, how is it that the most sanctimonious pricks are usually the ones who turn up in compromising positions with those they hate on?

I don’t care what a person does behind doors. Really, I don’t. Plushies, fisting, or sex with park benches, it’s all good with me. By the same token, if you don’t like something, I’m OK with that too as long as you don’t try to force others to embrace your kookie, holier than the holiest of holies blather. But when a lout like Carl Palidino screams about the evils of the “homosexual life style” and is then caught emailing “awesome lesbian porn” (BTW Carl, lesbians are homosexuals) it’s rank, “large H” hypocrisy.

However, I expect a some “little H” hypocrisy, even though it too is wrong. There are a variety of reasons for candidates to change positions – from legitimate conversions of opinion to taking a slightly different spin on an issue to placate a particularly important constituency. But, there is something different about ignoring what you preach, particularly when you scream it at the top of your sinning-assed lungs.

And, here’s the difference.

When a candidate changes position on, for example, whether the Department of Education should be abolished, most voters – if they notice at all – forget about it within days. Most wouldn’t vote based on that single issue anyway.

But when a sanctimonious ass cake preaches the evils of homosexuality and is then found in bed with hookers or shipping porn spam around like a Nigerian Viagra dealer, values voters never seem angry about the breach of faith. In fact, they often scapegoat others, from the media to some innocent party, to protect the “sinner”. Values voters are much more likely to care less that a soldier who was never asked and never told was discharged than the sin of the anti-gay, red-handed jackwad pulling his pud over lesbian porn.

And values voters do often vote purely on values issues. They seem to have an attitude of hating the sin but loving the sinner only when the sinner is one of their own – even if the sinner has compounded their original sin with the sin of lying about it – repeatedly.

It’s also different in another important way.

If someone is elected and succeeds in abolishing, say, the Department of Education, the Republic may suffer from a stupid decision, but it’s unlikely to perish. However, if values voters continue to ignore and defend the transparent imbeciles like Palidino and nibble away at constitutional protections because someone is gay or Muslim or black or just different in some way, the Republic will perish.

If you think the worst thing that can happen is the repeal of DADT or gay marriage, you ain’t seen nothing like a country turned into group-belief theocracy.

Especially if you’re not a member of the theocratic elite.

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