JUST CALL HIM STRETCH ARMSTRONG - Vijya has told civil defense authorities that if a nuclear bomb is ever dropped on Jhunjhunu, he'd simply bend over and kiss his ass goodbye. Click photo for more >>

Naughty Bits

• A hypocritical homophobe who “sexts” shacks up with her boyfriend. I’M SHOCKED! SHOCKED I SAY!
• A fake, hypocritical homophobe speaks out. I’M SHOCKED! SHOCKED I SAY!
• So many boobs, so little time.
• Go Lizzy! Go Lizzy! Go LIZZIE!
• Nice brag! How ya gonna back it up?
• Clearly, Andy spends a little too much time at his computer.
• I hate it when women call it their Va-Jay-Jay, but they’re apparently OK with the word.
• Wouldja lookit the melons on her…YAAAAHHH!
• When Lucy watched the personal hygene movies in gym class, she always felt a little tingle.
• After breaking up with Chris Brown, Rihanna sometimes found her life lonely. Luckily, Bridget was there to cheer her up.
• After the first 199 times, Angela began to feel a little guilty.
• Terrance just couldn’t resist the heavenly feel of air blowing through his pages.
• Bill…Bill…let me go. I forgot the safe word. Bill…are you there Bill?
• After the operation, Jenny was amazed at how smooth the skin on her butt looked.

Daft Commercialism

• Personally, I make it a policy to never drink anything that can bite back.
• I’ve always wanted one of those giant Swiss Army Knives you see in stores, but ginormous tighty whiteys would be nice too.
• “We all drink in a yellow submarine, a yellow submarine, a yellow submarine. We all drink in a yellow…”
• There is expensive therapy in the future of kids getting these toys.
• Here’s incontrovertible proof that you can nail together any two things that have never been nailed together before and sell it. (George Carlin)
• WHOOP! WHOOP! STEP AWAY FROM THE BEER! STEP AWAY FROM THE BEER!
• We hear there’s talk of a merger between Universal Remote Control, LLP and MyCellmate, Co.
• Don’t laugh, Spencer Gifts built a kitschy global empire out of crap like this.

Klaatu Barada Nicktu

• Such craftsmanship. Such simplicity of design. It’s enough to make an android mother proud.
• AAAAFFFFFLLLLAAAACK!!
• So You Think You Can Dance the Robot is the sleeper hit of the television season.
• These gadgets may be handy, but they lack the bedside manner of Hawkeye or Trapper.
• Carnegie Mellon University is taking the world one step closer to a paradise populated by Rosie the Robots.

Jesus Critsto!

THE IMMACULATE BUTTER - Click photo for more >>

• For those times when a miracle needs just a little shove to get going.
• On some Sundays Pastor Dave felt just a tad uncomfortable with the sermon.
• Lydia always kept a Bible in her pocket, but a D-Cup worked just as well.
• How many times do I have to tell you? It’s not a doll, it’s an action figure!
• Domino’s changed pizza recipes, but until now they didn’t tell you how.
• Scientists have found a Jewish carpenter’s nail gun after 2000 years.
• So, it’s the old bait and switch gambit, eh?

There Are a Million Stories in the Naked City, These Are Four of Them

• Well, it WAS a surprise, if by “surprise” you mean cold-cocking him with a hammer.
• Mushrooms, huh? What tipped the cops off?
• Pinnacle Airlines, has introduced budget-priced airborne boxing matches for only $49 one way.
• They grow old ladies tough in Australia.

The Goobiest Things and People in the World

• It was just a small summer home down the road from the quarry.
• Politicians participating in political theatre? Who knew?!
• Apparently semi-literate wing nuts don’t know about spell check.
• Castration in retaliation for incontinence seems a bit harsh.
• Because there can never be enough ways to kill a Peep.
• LOOK! Up in the sky! It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s Oreckman!
• CAUTION: Hip cute overload ahead.
• If you can’t laugh at the Nazis, who can you laugh at?
• Sure it’s an odd hobby, but who are we to judge?

Related articles

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• Don’t Get Any Blood On Your Game Saves [Future Swag] (kotaku.com)
• Office Mini Tool: like an indoors-only Swiss Army Knife (dvice.com)
• This ‘Tactical’ Wallet Does a Lot More Than Hold Credit Cards [Overkill] (gizmodo.com)
• Gift Idea: Custom Action Figures (blisstree.com)
• Rihanna Whoring Out in a Bikini of the Day (drunkenstepfather.com)
• (en.wikipedia.org)

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