Randomness: Product Endorsement Style

Omnipotent Poobah — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 02:33:32 +0000

SPERMS AWAY - The Japanese often do inexplicable things. (NSFW) More >>

Like Selling Refrigerators to the Eskimos

She’s like a virgin except not in the wholesome Madonna sort of way.
She’s just like Malibu Barbie, except with thick glasses, no tan, and a better attitude.
Dog is my dearly departed copilot.
Advertising for the tea party set.
Ten thousand tools in the damn thing and it still doesn’t have Bluetooth.
It’s like getting screwed all the way to the afterlife.
It’s little wonder Victorian women were so shy about sex.
I will respectfully refrain from any and all “you go girl” jokes.

The Political Realm

If Oprah can do it, so can Sarah. I can’t wait to see the Hockey Mom’s recipie for moose mousse. (Zaius Nation)
I won’t ask so please, I’m begging you, don’t tell.

That Clanking You Hear is the Sound of the Future

Who Are These People and Why are They Allowed to Breed?

Snooki is such a refined lady.
John Mayer, may be a klassy guy (spelled with a “K”), but he’s one lucky sumbitch.
Hilary was none too happy when she discovered what her uncle Ken left her in the will.
Yeah, yeah, we all know the answer to what a man wears under his kilt…but it’s still cool to see it again.
Hard Hitting Journalism: True stories of “the Littlest Gosselin“. And by Littlest Gosselin we don’t mean this dude.
This never happens on ESPN, even at the Olympics.
Just remember, they all came for a good cause.
Beth, that’s one mighty fine husband you got there.
More proof that a college education is a waste on some people.
Suddenly, someone shouted out to no one in particular, “WOULD YOU LOOK AT THE MOOSE KNUCKLE ON ELVIS!“
In the doctors’ defense, they weren’t really looking for golf balls.
The advantages of having really good neighbors.
At first Patrick was a little pissed, but then he logged onto prostheticsexchange.com and everything turned out all right.
Patients usually didn’t select Dr. Phelps for his bedside manner.
I…AM…JUST…APPALED.

Square Pegs in Search of Round Holes

Throw another ‘roo on the barbie mate!
He Wenjun gave up on painting the Lord’s Prayer on grains of rice early in life.
It’s a pretty impressive laser, but somehow it doesn’t seem very efficient.
You can never have too many Jesus sightings. Or notes to the big guy either.
Ronald Reagan single-handedly cause the break up of the Soviet Union by simply deflating them.
Ever since Oprah talked about her “va-jay-jay” on TV, women felt the need to come out of the closet about their own.
New moons rising.

True Crime = True Stupidity

Patrons did say the stripper had a really hot act.
Apparently not everyone was “shovel ready” during Snowpacalypse.
In his defense, the TVs were all running those annoying Walmart ads with the smiley faces at the time.
In his inebriated state, Jamie thought they were trying to put the alcohol back in.
And you thought banning gay marriage was crazy.
Thank God they were only violations, I thought he was into something really kinky.
Austin didn’t feel as though he should have been arrested. “When you gotta go, you gotta go” was his motto.
Original reports indicated the culprit was Mike Tyson and a chunk of ear, but the police finally straightened everything out.
That darn cat has 9 sex lives.

The Land of the Weirdly Rising Sun

Clearly, the Japanese are wrapped way too tight, but that’s no reason not to make a buck off it.
One possible explanation for the suicide rate.
Whatever you say about the Japanese, you do have to admire their woodworking skills.
Apparently, they get Americans to do these things because the Japanese are too dignified.
Jack, from Jack in the Box, apparently has a black head in Japan.

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