I’m Not Concerned About Weiner’s Wiener

Story Update (NSFW) Now that’s a shock, The Sydney Leathers Porn Video, Weinergate, Is Here (video)

Anthony Weiner in a TowelI’m not concerned about Weiner’s wiener. That’s between him, the wife, and the wienered whose numbers and names he can’t remember. It’s none of my concern and I don’t think it is anyone else’s either.

I’m not a New Yorker, so I don’t really have a dog in this hunt, but icky behavior aside there are some things I would have a hard-on (if you’ll excuse the reference) about if I were.

First, there is his wife. The woman stood by him even after he continued his questionable behavior. Then, after getting his dangly bits caught in the wringer, he hangs her out to dry by saying it was because of their marriage troubles…troubles he caused by sending his junk into the ether.

Weiner Ego über Alles

True, this is also a private matter, but he would no longer have a wiener if he did that to me. However, his treatment of her shows an appalling degree of two-facedness and disregard for others that should concern voters. If he does this to a woman he supposedly loves, I’d guess his treatment of New York voters might be even worse. Weiner’s ego über alles and damn what anyone else needs.

Second, there is the lying he kept secret until he got caught…again. He said his mea culpas once and vowed to stop (which apparently held the same weight he gives his marriage vows). You get one pass at the ring, not infinity and beyond.

HIs second go round was simply politically stupid — the kind of stupid when one is dishonest and massively egotistical by nature and only sorry they got caught. Not cool and all too common among the ruling class.

Sydney Leathers Almost NudeThird, Carlos Danger continues his defiance despite knowing the political Grim Reaper knocks at his door. He drags the spectacle out by continuing his sleazy, politically inept behavior. He is the political equivalent of a kid with chocolate on his face vowing to Mom he has no idea where the Kit Kats went.

He lives in a long, ignominious line of politicians who destroyed their careers and caused real harm to voters. It doesn’t matter that Larry Craig had a wide stance. It matters that Larry Craig was wearing a pair of the most vocal anti-gay wingtips in history while playing footsie with the cop next door. Hypocrisy becomes no one, especially when you are an asscake to begin with.

Bill Clinton’s DNA Tither and Yon

It doesn’t matter that Bill Clinton spread his DNA tither and yon upon any blue dress that bobbed between his knees. It does matter he lied to the public and even more importantly lied to a grand jury. The BJ wasn’t the problem, lying about it under oath was.

As for the self-revealed recipient of Weiner’s eCrotch, there is no slut shaming involved. She and Mr. Crotchshot sexting with one hand on their iPhones doesn’t matter. From the pictures, Weiner may have a foot long to enjoy if you are into those things and that’s between consenting adults.

I don’t buy Sydney Leathers’ youthful indiscretion defense or her knowingly interfering with another couple’s marriage, but she is not the one running for office. She apparently is also not the one who lied about anything. Slutty (or not slutty) behavior is no one’s business but her own.

Politicians (and “normal” people) fall penis-first into vaginas all the time. That is a sexual thing. Lying or proving your hypocrisy is a political thing.

We’d all be better off to recognize the difference.

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Bless Me Father, For I Have Sinned: The Passion Play of Newt Gingrich

That Newt Gingrich is a passionate man is without question. He’s a more passionate man than Charlie Sheen, and that, that my friends is a whole lotta passion bein’ stirred.

Newt Gingrich, Passionate Man

Bless me Father, for I have sinned in the service of my country."

Newt’s been passionate about defending marriage from the awful scourge of people who love one another. So passionate, in fact, he separated with one wife while she was undergoing cancer treatment, to marry his high school sweetheart – who was also his geometry teacher…with whom he’d been having an affair for 6 years. That’s OK though, he divorced the schoolmarm for Wife Number 3 all on the up-and-up. Watch out ladies! Is that a foursome I see hovering in the background? Newt is, after all a passionate guy.

He’s passionate about other things too. For example, he’s passionate about BJs. Of course, he condemned Clinton for this. But, it’s different if you come by your BJ honestly, like Newt does – by innocently walking down the street and being surprised to trip and find his pecker has fallen into a woman’s mouth. Passionate stuff that.

But, he’s saved his biggest passion for his country. This patriot, by his every act, word, and deed, found himself so in love with Lady Liberty that he toiled for long hours grifting donors, lobbying lobbyists, and squeezing in the odd Contract on America that he broke down . He strayed. He divorced wives. Yes, he presumably even got illicit BJs. All for the taste of sweet, sweet liberty.

Ahhh, but the sweet smell of Lady Labia’s Liberty’s essential fluids also delivered him from his decadence and landed him on CBN describing his conversion and salvation through Catholicism – a religion uniquely qualified to cater to the passions of his ilk.

And now, Brother Newt, friend of God, and passionate of unzipped pant, bellows to the rafters, “HALLELUJAH! PRAISE ST. RONNIE OF REAGAN! – THE PATRON SAINT OF TEA PARTIERS WANTS ME TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT!”

“I am but a mere vessel of Reagan conservatism to use as St. Ronnie knows my destiny will surely take me. Oh, and log on to newt.org to contribute. Visa and MasterCard welcome.”

Now let’s hope that those hooligan journalists don’t ask him the most salient question…

If being a Congressman drove you to such passion that you lost your mind and fornicated like a Viagraized Easter Bunny, how will you fare being the much more passionately pressurized President.

Inquiring ex-wives want to know.

Squandered Political Capital and the Stench of Failure

OMG, Here we Go Again

OMG, HERE WE GO AGAIN - The Jolly GOPers should hold off on the excessive "terrorist" fist bumps. You got what you wanted, just remember governing means saying more than "NO".

Not that they’d listen – they don’t listen to anyone – but I’d counsel Republicans along the same lines as the Democrats when they came to power…keep the fist pumps, terrorist or otherwise, to a minimum. Refrain from the siren call to rub it in, lest you be treated to the swirly next election cycle.

Voters partially returned you to power, but don’t mistake that for an overarching mandate. Their opinion of ALL politicians is only slightly higher than that beagle that shit on their new shoes and they’ll tire of you just as quickly if you can’t turn things around within a few months. That’s highly unlikely and some polls already indicate voters believe there will be as little progress under the Griping Old Pootieheads as there has been under the Demojellies. I fear they are right.

Many voters went Republican not so much because they thought Reps were good, but because they don’t like El Jefe and wanted to send a signal. As goes the President so goes Congress in midterm elections.

Walking on Water to Drowning In Water
No doubt, the O-Man has squandered a tremendous amount of political capital in his two years. CHANGE meant continuing or expanding far too many policies he railed against from the last administration. As for HOPE, he left too much of his base and moderates hoping he would get better – while he didn’t. Had he seized the power of his huge win, he could’ve gotten much more done and he and Congressional Dems would stand a better chance of delivering the Hope and Change they touted. Instead, he let the power of NO run his agenda.

But, it’s not like this hasn’t happened before.

Bush the Lesser squeaked into the White House in an election decided by some moronic guy named Chad who couldn’t operate a punch card without putting an eye out. Dub’s first few months were lackluster at best, but then he got the best political gift a pol could ask for – a scruffy hermit with a penchant for bad home movies dispatched some nuts to cause massive mischief on the Hudson.

He, rightfully at the time, climbed up on a pile of rubble, loudspeaker in hand, and railed against the evil trying to defeat America. People rallied around him as they haven’t done since WWII. In a week he went from just another run-of-the mill stumble bum to someone with more political capital than Meg Whitman and Carly Fiorina could ever buy… combined.

Imagine What All That Capital Could Buy
With that amazing power, he could’ve done so many things to help this country. For example, and there were many others, he could’ve used it as a bloody pulpit to preach the dangers of foreign oil dependence. Instead, he encouraged domestic and foreign oil companies to poke more holes in the country than ever before at the expense of enforcing any regulation, no matter how trivial. Today we find ourselves not only more dependent, but watching oilagarchs rob the country blind.

He was still riding high at the beginning of term two, although the first rumblings against the most useless and poorly managed war in history were getting louder. By the time Katrina made his uselessness truly evident, the rumble became a shout and he went down in hot flames of embarrassment.

Everyone else’s embarrassment, not his. And all that political capital he crowed about? He apparently banked with Washington Mutual.

Clinton managed to get a few things done in term one, but pissed it away lying about the world’s most expensive BJ. An entire four years wasted, an incredible historical blot on him, and the final death of whatever shred of bipartisanship and civility was left in Washington.

Bush the Elder fared no better. He squandered the terrific political abundance delivered by Gulf War I by encouraging people to watch his lips as they said, “No new taxes”. He then called every new tax a fee until it got to be such a charade he asked people to stop staring at his lips. Voters repaid him by saying, “Watch our lips. Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.”

He did manage to stay out of jail over that whole Iran/Contra thing though. No small feat that.

Failure is one of the few things that is truly bipartisan. Whether, like Obama, you negotiate like a fear-crazed 90-year old lady buying a used car at Mad Man Dapper Dan’s Used Car Emporium or are so incompetent you choke on a pretzel, whether you can’t keep your Johnson out of your intern’s mouth or puke in the Japanese Prime Minister’s lap, there are a million ways to fail. Failure is cumulative. Failure is contagious. In short, failure fails.

Unfortunately, I’d say odds are far more than even that we’re well on the way to another failure.

And, it will no doubt be one huge MoFo.

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