Barry White | The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

ARRGH! PREPARE FER BOARDIN' - Welcome to Peg Leg Pete's Perfect Peg Leg and Hook Emporium. This week only, get a parrot with every purchase.

The Internet Isn’t a Time Nor Place, It’s a State of Mind

There are just so many reasons why frieinds don’t let friends go to Starbucks.
David got off to an inauspicious start on Dancing with the Stars.
Could this site BE any more annoying?
Kevin was extremely excited by his odd hobby. Others were not so amused.
GEICO was blamed for the Florida dog deaths.
Team Gillette was determined to show their shaving technology was years ahead of their rival Schick.
Po hadn’t heard about the dangers of smoking, so he happily puffed on.
Watch out for the last step, it’s a doozy.
Scientists believed that Keith Richards may have been the cause of hell freezing over.
It was prom night and Julie just couldn’t go with a huge zit on her chin.
In their defense, Pedobear was awfully cute.
I don’t know, $20 million seems like chump change for a good acoustic kitty.
At the end, it turned out Andrea had mistakenly knifed a PETA protestor in lambs clothing.
Ashok’s mother accidentally scared him with a mirror when he was born.
Hell, I’ve seen rats bigger than this in the NY City sewer system.
Alright Maggot, drop and give me 20 boogers.

The Land of the Rising Sun

Sex in the Blogosphere

Just in case you were curious…
I see expensive therapy in this boy’s future.
The Massatuchetts legislature would be well served to get it’s mind out of the gutter.
Many Republicans believe that the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell would bring all sorts of lewd behavior out of the woodwork.
Who knows what ugliness lurks under the burka?
Unfortunately, a whole new industry of Viagra spam was also launched.
As long as I don’t have to wear my hair iin a mullet, I’m so there.
That’ll convince Jon not to dump any other women – that is if he can GET any more women.

The Hooterville Crime Blotter

Roberta quickly discovered the crowd at the Live Nude Girls Club was harsh indeed.
Jim got a bad case of cabin fever because of “snowmageddon”.
Clearly, Ye got a little too excited by the Super Bowl.
Kali had been beated senseless, but considered herself lucky she hadn’t been waterboarded to boot.
Jim had a little Captain Morgan in him.
Bucky was just upset because he lost his knife and was wicked hungry.
The District Atorney will probably ask for the death penalty.
Officers on vice patrol duty really though the shoes gave their hooker outfits jsut a smidge more authenticity. However, they had their dangers.
Stephen loved the feel of a light breeze on his skin.
They Phoenix police may have busted him, but he gave the TSA a great idea for airport security.

There’s a Thin Line Between Enrepeneur and Lunatic Inventor

According to capitalist theories, the products exist because there’s a market for them. Scary thought, eh?
Nothing spells welcome than 330 feet of industrial grade coir hair.
Although many patients loved the hospital gown, some were disappointed they could no longer get that “free” feeling as they wandered the halls.
This is where entrepeneurs cross the line into lunatic inventor territory.
Walmart decided they would change their name and go after the hip hop market segment.
Marian believed strongly in the philosophy, “hugs not slugs“.
The makers of the Potty Putter changed their product’s name to Potty Pooper to avoid a trademark infringement.
Next product: Crap-n-Panties for the woman who always wants that “live-in look”.
They originally called the product Chastity Bone-O.

Ragin’ Robots

Chucky was an imnportant technological achievement, but was still scary as hell.
Sam worked for years to create the perfect duck that laid the golden egg before giving up before reaching his goal.

The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!