Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu, Butt Out

Ben Gurion AirportI feel for you Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu, I really do. Israel is getting its ass bombed off and you are understandably upset, which makes it all the more surprising that your objection to the FAA’s no-fly advisory for Ben Gurion is such a big item on your agenda.

Ben Gurion is admittedly the safest airport in the world. El Al is the safest airline. Hell, they even have missile countermeasures — though your spokespeople usually don’t explain they are for different kinds of missiles than those from the Hamas Air Force and not nearly as effective as your average military airplane’s.

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A Report From the Front Lines of the War on Terror

TERRORIST NABBED - TSA agents stop a so-called Boobie Bomber at Reagan National airport as she tried to board a plane carry two breast implant bombs.

TERRORIST NABBED - TSA agents stopped a so-called Boobie Bomber at Reagan National airport as she tried to board a plane carry two breast implant bombs.

In an airport somewhere in America:

“Line 2 is NOW open ladies and gentlemen. Please have a photo ID, boarding pass, blood sample, and affidavits from at least 18 people (not including immediate or extended family members) ready for checking.”

“Please remove all shoes, belts, jackets, rings, watches, garments, legs, and underwear. No liquids, except blood contained within your body is allowed on board. Federal air regulations prohibit you from carrying sweat, pus, urine, and fecal matter on board the aircraft.”

SURVEILLANCE PHOTO - A rencely declassified photo showing an Al Qaeda operative shortly after having the bombs implanted.

SURVEILLANCE PHOTO - A recently declassified photo showing an Al Qaeda operative shortly after having the bombs implanted.

“You will be required to undergo a full body scan and cavity search. You must keep the scan films with you at all times and never let them out of your sight. You may be required to produce them at any time on your flight for the purposes of comparison to the Federal Terrorist Scan List.”

“OK lady! What’re you carrying there?”

“Where officer?”

“Right there, in the breasticle area.”

“Where?”

“Breastical area ma’am. Are those breast implants?”

“Yes officer.”

“CODE 8! CODE 8! FUN BAG INTRUDER ALERT, GATE 17! DROP TO THE FLOOR LADY! TITS UP! TITS UP! I’m not screwin’ around!”

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