The Wit and Wisdom of Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan

Mitt Romney & Paul Ryan: Perfect Strangers

Yes, they said it. No, it didn’t make any sense. They are the co-winners of the 2012 George W. Bush Communications Award:

  • ”I’ll introduce to you the heavyweight champion of my life.” — Mitt Romney, introducing Ann (He quickly corrected himself, saying ”I didn’t mean weight”)

  • ”We use Ann sparingly right now so that people don’t get tired of her.” — Mitt Romney

  • ”I get speaker’s fees from time to time, but not very much.”  — Mitt Romney, who earned $374,000 in speaking fees in one year

  • George Stephanopoulos: ”Is $100,000 middle income?” Mitt Romney: ”No, middle income is $200,000 to $250,000 and less.”

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Missionary Service is Not the Same Thing as Military Service

What Service Means to the Romneys

Missionary service is not the same thing as military service – a fact, and not just a semantic one – lost on Mommy, Daddy, and the Romney Boys. Donning a crisp white shirt and black tie to annoy the hell out of the good citizens of France from the back of a 10-speed is “service” to your church. Bleeding to death in a rocky Afghan Pass that a big flock of Mitt’s equally chickenhawkish supporters sent you to is service to your country.

Ann Romney, filling in for a hubby too pusillanimous to “serve” his campaign next to vicious warhawk Whoopi Goldberg, placed herself between the withering fire of Whoopi and her men folk. She’s due a Conservative Cross with Silver Dollar clusters for her bravery.

Goldberg fired the first round. “When I read about your husband, what I had read — and maybe you can correct this — is that the reason he didn’t serve in Vietnam was because it was against the religion.”

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The Democrat’s Conspiracy…As Told By Rush Limbaugh

The Mouth That Roared

Except for the 700 people he conned out of money for the original 700 Club, most people think Pat Robertson is bat shit crazy – especially when it comes to natural disasters. In his mind, hurricanes attack because cities support Teh Gays. Or, he prays them away from his home base in Virginia Beach VA, where he has substantial business interests and many of his suitably righteous homies live. But in the panoply of right-wing shitting bats he’s not exactly alone – take Rush Limbaugh. Please.

Robertson probably thought the Log Cabin Republicans were in the Tampa Coliseum (that public place built without public funds), tempting Hurricane Isaac to attack the Republican Convention. The homophobic hurricane caused a sharp curtailment in the number of statements that will be “misquoted”…verbatim. Even Ann Romney was put off telling the heart-warming, just plain folksy story of her Olympic show horse.

But Rush was “alleging no conspiracy” of the sort. In fact, Rush was, “alleging no conspiracy” that “the regime”, “the government”, and “Obama” ordered the National Hurricane Center to fake Isaac’s forecast to interrupt the tea party that is the Republican Convention.

“Alleging no conspiracy”, loudly, Rush said, “What could be better for the Democrats than the Republicans to cancel a day of this? I’m just telling you folks, when you put all this together in this timeline, I’m telling you, it’s unbelievable.” True, it’s unbelievable, but “the timeline” isn’t that unbelievable part.

This will come as a surprise, but the Democrats were probably more upset than the Republicans. With the delays and cancellations, the public didn’t hear walking w(h)ig and birther Donald Trump. A host of lesser Republican ignorati didn’t have the chance to dispute science and say incredibly stupid things they had to explain ad hominem before claiming they never said any such thing (while videotape of them saying every such thing plays in split screen).

Republican ladies didn’t get the chance to throw panties and tea bags on stage when that dashing hunk Paul Ryan appeared. Heck, even Mittens didn’t get to make an acceptance speech where he was for something (Romneycare) before he was against it (Obamacare). Good Lord, the Democrats don’t stand a chance now that the Republicans lost a campaign day as time runs out.

It seems clear that if anyone “is alleging no conspiracy”, it’s the Democrats.

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