Ann Coulter: You Know You’re a Douchebag When…

Ann Coulter: Attention WhoreYou know you’re a douchebag when Michelle Malkin thinks you’re a douchebag. Today’s douchebag is douche recidivist – apologies to douchebags for comparing her to a feminine hygiene appliance – Ann Coulter who described Barack Obama as a, “retard” in a mid-debate tweet Monday. “I highly approve of Romney’s decision to be kind and gentle to the retard,” she said.

 “What a stupid, shallow thing to say, Ann,” said Malkin, who is a bit of a douchebag herself sometimes.

There are two things unique about this picture. First, Coulter chose the words, “kind and gentle”, two words missing from her lexicon until now. She usually chooses something like, “communist imbecile”. Still, that’s better than Rush Limbaugh who would’ve used, “communist imbecile manslut”.

Second, Malkin – who sometimes uses similar words – seemed genuinely offended. She must be going all liberal and shit because her complaint put her in league with a gaggle of socialist Hollywood fellow travelers like, Michelle Branch, Marlee Matlin, and Christina Applegate.

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Sharron Angle’s Black Day at Tonopah

People of Nevada, I feel your pain. I get it. Really I do. It’s not like Harry Reid has been worth much as Senate leader and I’m sure he’s sucked just as bad as your personal Senator. But fer Chrissakes, couldn’t you come up with someone to run against him other than Sharron Angle? Someone respectable, you know smart and cultured – I’m thinking Rush Limbaugh.

Back in Black

BACK IN BLACK - Crusader for Merging of Church and State, Sharron Angle, once argued the color black was evil...however, not so evil as to avoid wearing it herself.

Angle is so spectacularly bad as a candidate and – well, let’s face it – quasi-sentient being that she actually makes The Grizzly Whisperer™ look like a genius. If you elect this woman to anything, much less the US Senate, your license plates will have to say, “Welcome to Nevada, the Moron State” as a matter of truth in advertising. And that’s saying something when you’re up against the competition from Texas and Arizona. I mean those people are real pros.

An Idiot That Keeps on Giving
Nary a day goes by that Over-Sharin’ Sharron doesn’t do or say something stupid. Reporters should only ask the questions she wants to hear and write stories that only she can approve. She thinks God called her to run for Senate, proving once again that God should hire a much better class of PR flaks for his domain. She doesn’t believe in the separation of church and state and accuses Democrats of being in violation of the First Amendment Commandment. Gadzooks Nevandans!

I’ve always believed that to be a success in life you shouldn’t compare yourself to others, but use a personal yardstick to compare yourself to what you are capable of.  Angle clearly has some sort of weird metric mojo going on when it comes to her personal yardstick.

Case in point : She denies it now, but back in 1992 she came out foursquare against the scourge of black. Not black as in African American (although she doesn’t seem like a BFF of them either). Not black as in Black Friday. Not even – to employ a Nevadaism – blackjack. No, Sharron Angle is against black…the color. Specifically, the color of football jerseys at Tonopah High.

It’s evil. It’s close to sacrilege she said of a move to change the school’s jerseys to red. So evil in fact that she agitated to have the change repealed, the jerseys seized and put under lock and key, and the kids who bought them left holding the bag because the school wouldn’t reimburse them.

I suppose we could infer from this that Sharron would lead the charge against all sorts of other “colorism” too.

The Amish Are Evil
Priests and ministers would have to exorcise their black vestments. Amish folks would have to wear hot pink (because we all know what raving, hell-raising devil-worshipers they are). Black Flag insecticide would be verboten and the Oakland Raiders banned from the football field – although some would think that an improvement.

I’m used to politicians saying and doing stupid things. It is what they do and you can expect a certain amount of that from the sheer volume of hogswallop they spew. Talk enough and you’re bound to look like a goob occasionally. It’s an occupational hazard. But I’m aghast to say she easily snatches the Scepter of Stupidity from Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann. Even the unholy Troika of  Trolldom, Ann Coulter, Michelle Malkin, and all the Fox News blondie bubbleheads rolled into one, run a distant second.

So people of Nevada, take mercy on the rest of us. Harry’s worthless, but at least he’s emasculate. Sharron is so stupid she might even figure out how to be dangerous – although I admit I may be giving her mental powers more credit than they deserve. Don’t elect this pinhead. We already have enough trouble as it is. Good God, Newt Gingrich might even make a comeback and that would be worse than a lifetime supply of Glenn Beck reruns!

Elect Sharron Angle and it will be a black day for us all.

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The Time for Asking is Past, the Time for Telling is Now

Dead is Dead Regardless of Sexual Preference

THE TOMB OF THE UNKNOWN GAY - If a gay soldier is shot down in the forest and no one is around to ask if he's gay, does he die straight?

The Dems are scrambling this week to repeal Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell (DADT) before the electorate shows them the door. It’s a sad commentary that they should even need to rush to afford citizens the rights to which they are clearly entitled under the Constitution. It’s sadder still that the most useless piece of legislative garbage to ever come out of Congress was enacted to begin with and that it’s repeal hangs by a thread now.

Over the years homosexuality has been blamed for all manner of things without a grain of truth rooted in reality. First, there was the “all homos are pedophiles” argument. Then, there was the, “they’ll reduce the military to a bunch of sniveling, whining, fear-crazed Jello molds who fear being ogled in the showers” argument. Over at the WestBigot Baptist Church – a place so loopy even Ann Coulter thinks they’re crazy – they don’t even bother with justifications, just “smite them because God tells me so” – but apparently not the same God the Constitution alludes to:

Rights Are Endowed by Your Creator Dammit!
“We hold these truths to be self-evident: That all men are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights; that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness…”

Now comes the drivel from the Family Research Council (FRC), that allowing gays to serve in the military is going to cause a wave of rape to sweep through the ranks. Fine upstanding heterosexual men might be fellated while they sleep or have their backsides tenderly probed while standing in line at the mess hall.

Dear God! Can the End Times be far off?!

THE MEANING OF DADT - "Shut up and pretend to be straight for your country."

The FRC certainly seems to be right on top of this whole “gay thing”, probably because many of them are gay, afraid of becoming gay, in the process of being “cured” of being gay, or bi-confused about the whole thing. Just ask George “Rentboy” Rekers. As a group they appear to be as straight as a dog’s hind leg – and just as wet from pissing themselves.

Remove the Penises From Your Ears
So for those who still need to have the penises cleared from their ears, hear this:

  1. There is zero evidence that gays and the military are incompatible. Nearly every industrialized country on the planet has gays in the military and operate quite well, thankyewvurymuch.
  2. You are as free to hate gays as they are entitled to their Constitutionally-defined, God given right to serve in the military. Their doing so, in no way, interferes with your right to practice a religion or anything else for that matter.
  3. Despite Rick Santorum‘s protests to the contrary, being gay doesn’t infect you with an unquenchable desire to fellate puppies.
  4. The troops of the US military are brave professionals. To suggest they will somehow run away from homosexuals like little girls on a playground is not only ludicrous, but quite frankly insulting – you might even say unpatriotic. If the repeal of DADT causes the military to fall apart, we’ve been spending a lot of money on a military that is so ineffective as to be not much more than a gang of well-armed thugs – not unlike the Afghan military come to think of it.

But finally, there is this. Gays have been in the military since man first raised armies to kill each other. They are there today. So if you believe gays are such a clear and present danger, please answer this:

Is a soldier any less gay because you didn’t ask and he didn’t offer to tell you?

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