Tag Archives: afghanistan

The Intransigent vs. the Inept


Posted by Omnipotent Poobah
Bull Pucky

PULLIN' IT OUT OF THEIR ASS - The Republican 'Just Say No' strategy requires little effort or thought. The only thing they need is the ability to form single syllable words and pull crap out of their own asses.

Much has been made about the probability that Republicans will take control of Congress in the fall. The conventional wisdom says yes, but there are a number of Dems who say they can defeat the odds. The truth is, the conventional wisdom is probably right. The open question is whether it will be a Republican blowout or a squeaker.

Clearly, the honeymoon is over, although The Messiah™ does have some residual goodwill in some quarters. Unfortunately, it’s mostly amongst the non-voting public. The G(N)OP would have us believe there’s a massive ideological sea change going on. One in which power is shifting right – waaay right – though polls don’t clearly suggest that. Injecting a little reality suggests that ideological movement is more a case of the tea baggers brewing a nice cup of Crazy Earl Grey and the opposition remaining silent to their lunacy. And, it’s that silence that’ll bite the Dems on their quivering, fraidy-cat asses.

Throwin' in the Towel

SPINELESS ASSES - The Democrats have all the intestinal fortitude of the French army in a firefight.

Seeing Isn’t Necesarily Believing
It’s difficult for the public (and impossible for Republicans) to see– that The Big Guy™ has made some modest progress on his agenda. He managed to push a health care bill through, though it was deeply flawed, and one of the most spineless wins on record. Walking into negotiations already conceding ground isn’t a negotiating tactic that works well. You can say much the same for financial reform. We got something, though not much, and what we did get was preapproved by corporate greedheads so they can continue robbing the country blind.

He’s also lost chances on bushels of low hanging fruit. Gays in the military, offshore oil drilling, and rolling back many of the Bush policies on a range of issues from Afghanistan to Gitmo to portions of the Patriot Act would’ve all been easier than health care, kept his base engaged, and shown independents that he has a backbone.

The one-word strategy of the Republicans is an easy position. Repeating “no” like an idiot savant isn’t hard. It requires no real work or talent beyond the ability to form a single syllable. It’s easy for your base to understand – especially if your base is comprised of fellow savants – and gives you an ironclad response to almost anything. It covers over a lot of bumbling too. Can you say Michael Steele?

Yes is a Hard Sell
Yes is a much harder sell. It’s complicated. It’s sometimes scary. And, it requires voters that understand two or more syllable words. It also requires the ability to legislate without pissing your political pants because the Momma Grizzlies and their fellow-traveling blowhards call you a commie. Or worse yet, a liberal.

Republicans are, if nothing else, consistent to a pathological, almost savage, and bloodthirsty degree. Most of the time you couldn’t pry the fatheads off a position with dynamite and a backhoe. Look at them as the party of the Red Curtain. By comparison, Democrats have all the cohesiveness of a herd of cats. Look at them standing naked in their bathtub, hands over their sex-educated privates, with yellow rivulets running down their wrinkly, ancient legs.

Part of this is the nature of the people that populate the two parties. Conservatives want to drive their Franklin Steamers in reverse all the way back to 1909. Democrats have the car in drive, but can’t bring themselves to get off the brake and hit the gas…and they don’t have a map or destination they can all agree on anyway.

But, it’s not as though Republicans are immune from shitting in their own mess kits. Their sucking up to the tea baggers may end up making them as beholden to The Lipton Tea Men as they are to corporatist Czars like Tony Hayward, the new Potentate of Siberian Crude.

There’s no way to tell what the fall will bring, but if both parties don’t shape up, it’ll be a hell of a ride.

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Where Were These Guys When the War Started?


Posted by Omnipotent Poobah
The Amateur Videographer

WHERE WERE THEY WHEN THE WAR STARTED? - American politicos apparently don't remember where they were when the war in Afghanistan started. All of the complainers now forget they did nothing to keep us out of this mess from the beginning. The only person who remembers where he was then is Osama Bin Laden - holed up in a Pakistani cave since the beginning.

It’s common to ask people where they were when John F. Kennedy was shot. Apparently, some political leaders should be asked, “Where where you when the Afghan war started?”

After 9 years of death, destruction, and national treasure pissed away, politicians like Dick Lugar (R-Dumbassholia), Carl Levin (D-WTFistan), John Kerry (D-Flapjackistan), and Newt Gingrich (D, R, ?-Mars) are of the opinion that the war in Afghanistan “is not going to end well“.

Really now. No kidding? Where the f*ck were you guys when the thing started? It was apparent then, and it’s equally apparent now, that it won’t end well and you did as little to stop, or even question it, as your average tree stump.

Clues for the Clueless
What was your clue? Was it when we started with assurances of the evils of nation-building and then got to work building a nation? How about when you told us it was going to be a cake walk over a bunch of 4th century illiterate goatherds? Was it when George the Incompetent “brought ‘em on” and then decided finding Bin Laden wasn’t so important after all? How about when Osama Bin Lunkhead taunted you from a cave – a cave, BTW, that wasn’t even in Af-frickin-ghanistan!?

You’re now delivering the absolutely shocking news that the mission is ill-defined and poorly carried out? No sh*t you bunch of Nostradumbasses!

Bush’s mission definition was… “to win”. However, it might have worked better had he told us what winning looked like, how to do it, or how to pay for it. Was it the “non-nation building strategy”, followed by the “surge strategy”, followed by the “drawdown strategy”, followed by the “let’s just become the de facto Afghan government because that goatskin cap-wearing lunatic Karzai couldn’t govern his way of a wet falafel bag strategy”?

Newt, you come in for special scorn. In December, before the rest of the tarnish rubbed of The Messiah’s™ crown, you were on board. Back then, the Carebear-in-Chief had political courage. “If you are a liberal Democrat who won the nomination with the support of the anti-war left, this had to be one of the most difficult decisions he’ll ever make,” you said.

Now, not so much. Who are you, the evil doppelganger for John “I Never Met a Position I Couldn’t Change” McThusela? Perhaps you’re the, “I was for it until I was against it” version of John Kerry? Oh, and word for the unwise, video, audio, and even good old-fashioned newspapers capture crap like that with the sole purpose of throwing it back in your face when you’re for something before you were against it.

Here’s a towel to wipe it off your pork-chop stuffed face.

And finally, Mr. President, where the hell have YOU been?

You’ve followed your predecessor’s slug track for two years now. A predecessor whose policies you described as “failed”. What made them “failed” when he tried them, but “politically courageous” when you carry them out? We still don’t have a clear mission other than, “We gotta go forward because going back is too hard and quiting might hurt someone’s bipartisan feelings. It’s just not my style to rock the boat.”

Plus, we still don’t know what “victory” looks like. However, I’m guessing most Americans don’t see indefinitely investing $10 billion a year on the army of a country with a $14 billion annual GDP that can’t protect themselves, much less the populace,  as “a win”. Most Americans would be happy with far cheaper extended unemployment benefits instead.

Obama: No Profile in Courage
The only “political courage” you’ve shown on this issue was to fire that 4-star Numbskull McChrystal for being too stupid to keep his yap shut in front of a reporter. Personally, if I’d been him I would’ve cut out the middle man and just come to the White House to call you a bumbling eunuch to your face.

Gentlemen (and all the rest of the political cowards who didn’t lift a finger to prevent this mess), you can prefer not to remember where you were back in the day. I don’t blame you, I’d want to hide out in The Big Dick’s™ secret undisclosed location to dodge the glare of what incredible asshats you’ve been too.

But you can’t. Just ask The Big Dick™.  His support and conviction on the rightness of the war has been as unwavering as his now-missing pulse. Do the honorable thing. Take responsibility for your actions, just like Dick. He’s learned to own his colossal incompetence, you should take ownership of yours too.

That’s what the rest of us call “political courage”.

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Afghanistan and Iraq: They’re Baaaack


Posted by Omnipotent Poobah
Out of Afghanistan

SHOCKINGLY AWFUL AWFULNESS - The wars are and were ill-advised, poorly planned, and haphzardly carried out. How about next time we think about what we're getting into first?

America – distracted as we’ve been by teabaggers, congenital naysayers, and gulf shrimp drizzled with a rich BP aioli – hasn’t paid much attention to the festering holes of Afghanistan and Iraq lately. It took a general with all the PR acumen of  Tony Hayward to get us to pay attention…this week anyway.

The Messiah™ had no viable alternative but to go all Harry S Truman on McChrystal’s ass. The whole affair was dressed up in pretty language guaranteeing that McGeneral’s shove off the ledge signalled no change in strategy. But more’s the worse, because it’s not like the current strategy worked when Bush tried it nor when Obama doubled down on it.

Short and Sweet…NOT!
The previous Carbuncle-in-Chief guaranteed two things: the wars would be short and there would be no nation-building. The amateur videographer would be quickly vanquished and the Wolfowitzian view of a democratic utopia would rise from the shattered lands as if by Godly, or Rumsfeldy, decree.

How’s that workin’ out for ya there neocons?

Repeatedly surging, partially withdrawing, and shocking an awing for 10 years hasn’t yielded much. Sure, there’s the “success” in Iraq – if by success you mean that jihadists still wander the streets with C4 stuck up their asses and itchy fingers on the triggers. Or that Osama has given up his position as anchor of the 6 o’clock Crackpot News (but his video production values seem to be improving). Or the purple-fingered set still can’t form a government that can even agree on a shape for the parliamentary chambers.

I Don't Blame Him

So Do We

Despite all the blood and treasure poured into those god-awful lands, we’re still trying the same things we’ve been trying for years. And sadly, we still don’t have a definition for what constitutes victory nor a practical way to hold the unholdable at bay while we sneak out in the middle of the night.

Counter-insurgency warfare is the strategery du jour, but it has some drawbacks. It doesn’t work on a predictable timeline and, more often than not, results in something other than a traditional “victory”. (See the many uneasy, lengthy standoffs between governments and insurgents in dozens of nations around the planet). Countering insurgents costs a shocking amount and the nation has to be in for a long and indefinite haul.

That’s a pretty tough sell for a country that’s already been on the road for 10 years.

Admiring the Quagmire
Despite all the assurances the US wouldn’t end up in an unwinnable quagmire, that’s exactly where we find ourselves. It seems we learned the wrong lesson from our last insurgent war in Vietnam.

Yes, starting wars with shock and awe scares the skivvies off the insurgents and give the invading army an advantage. However, the more important lesson is to think before hurling the Weapons of Massive Awesomeness against people who just take to the caves and wait for us to blow our awesome load before coming back out to fight.

If you don’t have a plan – or in the case of Mr. Bring it On and Hugs McHopey, a clue – don’t start the war. And if you do find it necessary to start it, figure out how you’re going to finish it.

If you can’t, you’re going to have noting but shockingly awful awfulness.

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