Category Archives: Politics

11/6/12

Prediction: It Doesn’t Matter Who Wins This Election

One bullet, one voteEveryone with a mouth or some other means of communication is making predictions today. Of course, damn few of them will be correct, but what the hell, it doesn’t stop them. So being a very poor amateur pundit, it won’t stop me either. Prediction: It doesn’t matter who wins this election.

It’s not that the political outcome of the race is unimportant. There will be big policy differences whoever wins. Both candidates have fundamentally different visions of the future, but it will look nothing like the one they ran on. It will begin to change with a switch to a new DJ at the inaugural Ball and won’t stop for 4 more years. But whoever wins, voters will all fall into one of two huge blocks – winners and losers.

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11/4/12

Hurricane Sandy: A Disaster Waiting to Happen

Sandy: Romney riding on the storm

For politicians, the only thing worse than a disaster is how to handle a disaster. Hurricane Sandy is a great example.

Candidates, who are just regular citizens with big egos and high Q-Scores can act like you and me. They aren’t under the gun. They don’t have to make decisions except how to spin the fallout. Conversely, sitting politicians have to do things and figure out how to spin leaving them to deal with disasters while simultaneously fending off specious political attacks from opponents. It’s an unenviable position, especially in the waning days of a hotly contested campaign.

Romney responded to Sandy like he responds to most issues. He pivoted 180° from declaring FEMA  just another example of government waste to telling New Yorkers living in rowboats that was balderdash -  ‘nope, never meant a word’. No, he’s championing the plight of the “little people” by declaring he’d fund FEMA so they can carry out their mission, which is probably just another way to say FEMA will get bupkus since he doesn’t think FEMA should be in the disaster game anyway.

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10/25/12

Ann Coulter: You Know You’re a Douchebag When…

Ann Coulter: Attention WhoreYou know you’re a douchebag when Michelle Malkin thinks you’re a douchebag. Today’s douchebag is douche recidivist – apologies to douchebags for comparing her to a feminine hygiene appliance – Ann Coulter who described Barack Obama as a, “retard” in a mid-debate tweet Monday. “I highly approve of Romney’s decision to be kind and gentle to the retard,” she said.

 “What a stupid, shallow thing to say, Ann,” said Malkin, who is a bit of a douchebag herself sometimes.

There are two things unique about this picture. First, Coulter chose the words, “kind and gentle”, two words missing from her lexicon until now. She usually chooses something like, “communist imbecile”. Still, that’s better than Rush Limbaugh who would’ve used, “communist imbecile manslut”.

Second, Malkin – who sometimes uses similar words – seemed genuinely offended. She must be going all liberal and shit because her complaint put her in league with a gaggle of socialist Hollywood fellow travelers like, Michelle Branch, Marlee Matlin, and Christina Applegate.

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10/23/12

The Candidates Can Go Back to Falling from their Stumps Now

Undecided Joke

The candidates can go back to falling from their stumps. The moderators will start assertiveness training. And, regular programming can begin after these words from our sponsors. All the candidates are lawyering up for the inevitable challenges. Instant polls about truthiness and burning pants are winding down. That’s it. Comedy show’s over. It’s time to lay awake like a kid anticipating Christmas – except the stakes are higher and people will consider moving to Canada based on the outcome. It is not a season to look forward to. In two weeks, it will be Black Tuesday, with an emphasis on the black.

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10/22/12

The Wit and Wisdom of Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan

Mitt Romney & Paul Ryan: Perfect Strangers

Yes, they said it. No, it didn’t make any sense. They are the co-winners of the 2012 George W. Bush Communications Award:

  • ”I’ll introduce to you the heavyweight champion of my life.” — Mitt Romney, introducing Ann (He quickly corrected himself, saying ”I didn’t mean weight”)

  • ”We use Ann sparingly right now so that people don’t get tired of her.” — Mitt Romney

  • ”I get speaker’s fees from time to time, but not very much.”  — Mitt Romney, who earned $374,000 in speaking fees in one year

  • George Stephanopoulos: ”Is $100,000 middle income?” Mitt Romney: ”No, middle income is $200,000 to $250,000 and less.”

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