The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

A John Wayne Bobbit Stupid Moment - “Get back! Get back! One step closer and the dick gets it.”

It’s a Strike! - Didn’t it wobble around on the lane?

I’m a Lumberjack and I’m (Not) OKaaaaaaaaaay - Well, I can see why a handsaw wouldn’t work very well.

She Was Just Big-Boned - Would that be measured at the hip or at the waist? On second thought, I guess it doesn’t really matter.

Obama Supports Civil Driver’s Licenses - I wonder if the Pope has anything to do with this.

Who Woulda Thunk It? - It seems to me some things should be self-evident enough without resorting to legislation.

Hello? Do You Have Prince Albert Up in Your Can? - Never stick anything bigger than your head up your ass.

Obligatory Japanese Item of the Week - This product fills a void that just shouts out to be filled.

Nice Work If You Can Get It - Hmmm, I’ve been thinking of a career change.

On Belay! - Wow, did you see that rock-hard abs on her? (NSFW, though very artistic)

Hairless in Seattle - Yeah, I’m guessing that was pretty embarrassing.

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It’s been a long time since my last anger-filled screed. This unexpected development isn’t because there are no more topics worthy of long and vicious screeds, it’s because I’m feeling a little like a ripple wimpily expending itself on the placid shores of a pond. It’s hard to get all worked up when the crapstorms fly at you faster than a thick swarm of killer bees stinging the ass of a nudist. So, it’s time to apply a little WD-40 to the snarky joints and get back in the swing of things.

Be kind, I’m rusty.

• Not everything that happens to Barak Obama is about racism.
• Not everything that happens to John McCain is about being a war hero.
• Not everything that happens to Hillary Clinton is about sexism.
• “Experience” has little to do with all three.
• “Experience” has even less to do with Emperor Asshat’s crapulent performance either.
• That goes for Asshat 41 AND DOUBLE for Asshat 43.

• George Bush doesn’t hate black people.
• He hates anyone other than himself.
• Dick Cheney hates everyone.
• Even himself.
• And he’ll shoot you in the goddamn face to prove it.

• Brownie didn’t do a heckuva job.
• Neither did Hurricane George.
• He still hasn’t.

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Fuzzy Feline Filth - Here Titty, er, Kitty!

The Hat and the Cat - Er, the cat who is a hat? I get those confused all the time.

Don’t Forget the ZIP Code - That’ll teach the damn thing to sleep all day.

Hurry Up! I’m Late for Work! - He patiently awaits its turn to use the litter box.

Pepe LePeu - So what if it’s not a cat? It looks like one.

Um Miss, Your Cleavage Just Squeaked -  Oooo. It’s so cuddly.

Starting Them Off Early - The ladies really love the shoes. Now I know it’s all about getting them started young - eh, Hedonistic Pleasureseeker?

Bookgasm - It seems a bit of overkill to me, but some people really like to hide that porn where no one - and I mean no one (except a bookseller) - can find it. (NSFW)

Worst Place on Earth - Is that pronounced Lee-ma or Lie-ma? Either way, cheer up if you don’t live there. Or, really cheer up if you don’t live here.

Sis-Boom-Aw Crap - Any list that contains both George W. Bush and Paula Abdul has got to be bad news.

Grandma Didn’t Get Run Over by a Reindeer - But she did get one hell of a good ride.

Icon, I-Can’t? -  Did you ever notice fashion designers always wear the most God-awful clothes?

Would You Like Some Torture with Those Fries? - This is clearly a case of extraordinary rendition… and certifiable torture after capture too.

Can’t Get His Face Out of the Gutter - It’s one thing to have sex on the brain, it’s quite another to have it on your face. (NSFW)

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