The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks! » Humor

Randomness: Random Style

Omnipotent Poobah — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 01:27:08 +0000

From Monday morning to Newt and the Power Rangers…from Burning Man to Odin’s beer…and Rachel Bilson too. What more could you ask than another tour through the Poobah’s vault for weird stuff.

Poobah’s Tribute to Monday Morning

Newt’s Secret South Carolina Connection

A Snoozical, Musical, Seussical

Beer, the Nector of the God…Odin

Rachel Bilson Gets All Up in Hollywood and What Not

Celeb Style: Rachel Bilson in Cutoff Shorts and Booties (fabsugar.com)
This Karl Lagerfeld and Rachel Bilson Video Is Certainly Delicious (fabsugar.com)
Mittens And The Others Lose Lose To Newt In South Carolina (perezhilton.com)
pop culture (omnipotentpoobah.com)
video (omnipotentpoobah.com)
randomness (omnipotentpoobah.com)
humor (omnipotentpoobah.com)
Rachel Bilson: ShoeMint Behind the Scenes Video! (justjared.buzznet.com)
Rachel Bilson in Textile Elizabeth and James (denimblog.com)

Randomness: Sex Terms for Dummies

Omnipotent Poobah — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 01:01:58 +0000

Michele Bachmann may have dropped out but Rick “Governor Goodhair” Perry is still inexplicably hanging on in the GOP race. And, Mitt the Mormon keeps mouthing weak-assed religious platitudes to anyone goofy enough to listen to him. However, he is careful about how loudly he delivers them lest someone pick up the cult meme again.

Newt GingGrinch has gone back to being an evil-tempered heathen because, really, who ever believed his new found piousness anyway? Ron Paul never was on the God train because he’s too busy just being a damn weird Keebler Elf. And that other Mormon guy, what’s is name? Hunter? Huntmeister? Oh yeah, Jon “Missing an H” Huntsman is too far away from the microphone for anyone to hear what he’s saying.

Whatever happens to these goobs, Rick Santorum is still leading the Change of the Christian Brigade. No one would describe Rick as sex-savvy, so he’ll need some help talking to the non-Fundy voters out there. Herewith: Sex Terms for Dummies.

51 Words for Vagina

51 Words for Penis

51 Words for Anal Sex (A Santorum Favorite)

The Omnipotent Poobah speaks about politics, religion, humor, and randomness (omnipotentpoobah.com)
Neil J. Young: Lessons from Iowa’s Evangelicals (huffingtonpost.com)
Rick Santorum’s Homophobia Problem – Beacon Broadside (beaconbroadside.com)
For Mitt Romney, ‘Mormon Factor’ Could Still Hold Down His Iowa Vote (huffingtonpost.com)
You Know What You Can Do in The Guardian? (slog.thestranger.com)
Sex and Santorum – Paul Krugman (tribuneofthepeople.wordpress.com)
Rick Santorum Argues with Students About Same-Sex Marriage and Polygamy: VIDEO (towleroad.com)
Sarah Palin “respects” Rick Santorum because of his religion (americablog.com)
Rick Santorum Dogged by Google Problem and It’s His Fault: Expert (towleroad.com)
Only in America: South Carolina, Romney, Santorum, Mormons and Catholics (blogs.jta.org)
Mitt Romney Making Use Of Santorum’s Google Problem (lezgetreal.com)
Rick Santorum: “I’m Getting to Know You” (goodolewoody.wordpress.com)
Can Rick Santorum Keep Up The Momentum? (theamericanteaman.com)
WATCH: Jon Stewart Shocked By Rick Santorum Surge (huffingtonpost.com)

Jerusalem on Edge of War on New Year

Omnipotent Poobah — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 18:14:25 +0000

Jerusalem – Sectarian tensions rose yesterday as the UN International Dateline Commission convened its 2012 session. At issue was determining how to move the tiny Pacific Island nations of Samoa and Tokelau to the opposite side of the International Dateline.

Minor skirmishes broke out when Christian, Jewish, and Muslim supporters fought for hours over which calendar – Gregorian, Hariji, or Hebrew – to use in planning the move. Chinese representatives remain neutral on the calendar question and the Romans voted in absentia for the Julian Calendar.

The fighting broke out after the Christian delegation charged the Muslim and Jewish delegations of declaring a War on New Year.

“They declared a War on Christmas and now they’re trying to steal the entire year from us,” said Hank Hucklebuck, Chairman of the God Says We’re Right and You’re Wrong Alliance. “Like Christmas, New Year has been part of a Christian tradition leading all the way back to 1582 when St. Greg of the Equinox threw out that evil Julian calendar.”

“Look, Christians are a fair-minded lot and we would never want to deprive others of their right to celebrate the New Year as they wish. However, we’re right, they’re wrong and only God can change that. We have already contacted his representative, Pat Robertson, to negotiate when our calendar will be chosen. We are looking forward to resolving this issue peacefully,” Hucklebuck said.

Muslim representatives had a different point of view.

“Those Christians are always going around shoving Jesus into our faces. To me this has nothing to do with the calendar. Mohamed is clearly the most important of any prophet in any religion and he chose the Hariji. Of that, there is no question,” said Isaiah Mustafa.

Israel’s Hebrew Calendar Defense League threatened violence if the Gregorian or Hariji calendars were adopted.

“We may have nuclear weapons. We have a very capable fighting force. We have the might of the last remaining global superpower behind us. We will prevail,” said Bibi Badder, Chief of Israel’s Time Continuum Militia. “If our calendar is not chosen, as as God directs, we will bomb the US Congressional Prayer Caucus, Iran, and both Michele Bachmann and that other fool…Richard Santorum.”

Fighting calmed only slightly after several unsuccessful attempts to negotiate a cease fire. Sources say that negotiations broke down when representatives could not agree on a calendar to use in setting up the ceasefire timing. A small group of Atheists tried to enter the meeting and offer a compromise based on a scientific calendar, but Islamic, Christian, and Jewish members threw stones at them until they drove them from the Temple on the Mount.

“We may not be able to agree on a calendar,” Hucklebuck said, “but we can all agree that whatever the atheists propose is complete scientific mumbo-jumbo.”

When it appeared the chance for an agreement was unlikely the Christian delegation decided to gear up their grassroots War on Christmas organization for a War on New Year. They’ve called on Fox News to launch the crusade immediately. Bill O’Reilly and Sean Hannity have already come aboard.

“People will call things by their proper Christian names or they will be hanged as enemy combatants for their violations of our family values. If we do not win this war – though that’s impossible because God is on our side – homosexualist indoctrinators will tell our kids they can’t pray in school and a massive outbreak of man-on-horse sex could rage,” said GOP Presidential candidate Rick Santorum.

“Mark my words.”